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Our situation is that my wife and I might be adopting our 2 year old Niece (my wife's brother's daughter) I would like advice from someone that has experience with adopting a family member and how they handled dealing with the biological parents. Here are some questions I have: 1. How do you refer to the biological parents? Does your child still call them mom or dad; or is there another name like uncle or daddy-xxx? 2. How much contact do you allow with the biological parent you are related to? Neither parent has been abusive or harmful towards my niece, so I don't have concerns about her being in danger. As we are related to the BD we see him very regularly at family functions. I am fine with this as long as he is appropriate and understanding of his new role. I am sure he will push for more visitation and we will have to put some hard limits down that he will not be happy with. What have you found that has worked for you? 3. How much contact do you allow with the biological parent you are unrelated to or their family? The B-parents are not together and I would be happy to never see BM again. Do you keep in contact with the parent you are not related to or their family? If so, how much? There are also Grandparents that have expressed interest in being able to see their grand daughter. If you have any other tips, suggestions, or stories I would be happy to hear from experience. These forums have been very helpful. I know we are in for a rough ride, but my niece is wort it.
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Welcome to the world of Kinship adoption! Mine was through foster care, so there will be some differences. My DD knew her BPs and mummy and daddy. I would call them "mummy T" and "daddy J". Over they years, shes started referring to me as her mom (not just the title). OT - yesterday, I had a visit from another kinship caregiver (dropping off her sister/niece for a sleep over). As frustrated as she was by being relegated to sister status by the kiddo (less of an authority role), i will tell you. .the two tweens in my house, living in kinship adoption for over 5 years each..? they know exactly who everyone is. they are not confused. its only the adults who get this way *hugs*So mummy, "mom X", or "aunty K" doesn't matter - so much as how consistent you are, how you speak about,support, and respect each otherVisits - yes, you will definitely run into each other at family events. My hardest lesson was learning how to not hover.. but be close enough to intervene if necessaryVisitation in other situations is the tough one. You want to be accommodating, but you don't want to be babysitters for your niece. its important to sit down with your wife and spell out exactly how you'd like these visits to go. Do you want advanced notice? How much? Who should be present (as in can they bring guests? if so, do you want to meet them first?) Do you have the option of supervising these visits? Or can he pick up the kid and leave? Where would the visits take place? Who pays the costs associate with visits? Are phone calls permitted? Video chat? texts (in time)?If Think about how you envision your relationship in 10 years time. Its easy to be open ended in the beginning, but that sets a precedent that might not work long term. What ever you decide, put it in writing - with consequences if your wishes arent respected. In heat of the moment, verbal is too easy to misinterpret. 5 years from now, you all won't remember what was said.I have OA with both parents. If you don't live in a state that has legally enforced OA, you can do what you want visitation-wise. I chose to have strictly controlled visitation in J's BM (with whom i'm not related) because it was important to me DD.. and because, in speaking with adult adoptees, growing up knowing where genes came from.. well, that is important to many of them. In our case, the one not related to me has done a better job stepping up. But you never know. congratulations! and best of luck to you
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