My Story of Losing my Son

Originally Posted By Gwen BrewerI was Residing in a girls home at the age of 14 til I was 17. I felt so unloved. I got pregnate in the home. I was sent back to my parents in Nov. of 1972. I then found out for sure I was pregnate in Jan. of 1973 when I was to get my tonsils out. The Dr.'s and my mother decided to go ahead with the surgery. I believe in hopes that I would have a miscarrage. I didn't have one. Sick from the surgery my mother had already contacted the home I was previously in to see if there was a place she could send me. Of course there was. I was taken to another home for unwed mothers. Left there sick and alone. I had a sister I wrote to and begged for help. No response from her. I was kept locked up, and told I was giving my baby up. It was the best thing to do since I had no family or finacial support. I turned 18, and still remained locked up. 15 miles to the nearest real road. I tried to run but they just brought me back. I gave birth,and asked to see my son. I was denied by the nurses. They said it was not allowed. I was taken back to the home and then taken to the lawyers office to sign papers. I cried for what seemed like hours. I kept being told over and over again"As soon as you sign these papers we will call your sister to come get you". I finally signed.Yes my sister came and got me. I could not bear to live at her house knowing she had not offered to help when I wrote and begged her. She also had a little girl 9 months old. I left to go live on the streets for 2 years. I finally got over the anger and hatred I felt. I realized it was killing me. There was nothing I could do to change what was done. I got my life together. It took alot of time and more pain in the process. I became a nurse. I have 2 more sons a daughter. I also had 1 stepdaughter I raised off and on from the age of 9. I now have 1 more stepson, and 1 more stepdaughter. I have 4 stepgrandchildren. I also have gotten out of nursing and am enjoying General Contracting with my husband. It has been a long hard road filled with alot of pain, but also alot of joy. All that I have now has made the hard road I have been on worth it. The only thing lacking in my life now is the one missing piece. MY SON. I have been looking for !0 years now. I hope I find some peace from the pain before I am dead and gone. All Adoptees never think for a moment that all of us BMom's gave you up with little or no thought. As some of us continue to grieve over our loss as if it were just yesterday our baby was taken from us. The anger is gone but the pain will always be there. Gwenl44@aol.com