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other rules you don't think about1 requiring a verbal response when given instructions-so they have to admit they heard you.2 having them repeat instructions to you if more than one step.These kiddos if they are made to acknowledge-they try to get away with saying they didn't hear you.3 manners-apologies. 4 helping with chores-their OWN-here is your folded laundry-go put it away please-wait for acknowledgement response...I work in the schools-so at my house we follow the same rules for self management that they do- put first things first etc.Alot of it is parenting choices WE made all along as we parented our own children-but to kids that never had any requirements put to them-they seem like RULES.
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update...I have now seen court docket dates for all 3 parents for separate criminal charges-some I know the story on, some I don't. Younger Dad's has had unprescribed drugs found on him, been arrested for 2 shoplifting incidents (one a felony) along with multiple other charges. His reasoning is shoplifting to provide Christmas presents because he has no money, but can come up with repeated bail money?! Plus it seems like he doesn't care how his crimes affect his case plan to get the kids back. (his only mode of transportation has been impounded)According to younger dad-the mom will be in jail until July still-so...but I trust him about as far as I could throw him. younger 2 havent had a visit since the 18th because of the arrests. big guy gets about every other visit with his dad it seems-he doesn't seem to be doing anything but coming to the visits on his case plan-again according to younger dad. He needs a job, a car and a new place to live according to big guys dad-but again-no motivation to aquire those things.I only subbed one day in the school system in all of December-due to dr's and dentist and therapy appointments-oh and illness-we all had a sore throat virus followed by rotating 24 hr periods of everyone sharing a tummy virus.Christmas was successful-but I was exahausted. My mom hosted our Christmas day meal -which was brunch at her place. So thankful I wasn't expected to pull of a big meal that day.Baby girl had her ear tubes placed-and can hear now-ENT said she had no hearing response at all in her right ear prior. She had always been very quiet-now she sings and babbles and is talking alot more! we have received a request to be present at a "review board" mtg-my mentor says its a mtg of court and involved persons to show if progress has been made or not in a case-she says that they want to hear about how the kids are doing-WHAT they are doing in school and such, and also with speech and behavior therapy. We plan on going. Maybe we can learn how the legal stuff will affect the case plans-and their legnth of time with us.3 yr old is very trying. His favorite response to any request is "me don't want to". To that I respond-well, I didnt ask if you wanted to... he always looks abashed and being required to actually DO anything that wasn't his idea. His FIT triggers are hunger and tiredness. Keep him fed and rested, and he is usually more compliant, but is the case with most people in general. I know he is attached to us, I actually almost feel ashamed that i don't share the same affinity for him. His having such a non compliance attitude, I fear that he will decide that rules arent going to be for him, and end up leading a life of crime regardless of how much intervention is given. Big guys is probably going to need to be dependent on parents or someone else all of his life. Baby girl is just the innocent caught up in the horrible set of circumstances. She has so much potential-and is learning by leaps and bounds. In fact just since her hearing is improved-I have been indentifying her eyes, nose and ears during diaper changes-and this morning she pointed to her eye and raised her eyebrow waiting for me to name it! I asked where is your ear? and she pointed! Small victories give me enough smile to carry on.YOunger dad is in jail until the 4th-I will try to update again after the 20th to see if we learn anything.
I honestly don't know. I feel like both boys would benefit from a being the only child in the home because of their needs and the 3 yr olds behaviors. The kids are attached to each other-but having parents that could focus separately on their needs would be a good thing too. We do hope to only foster, but will adopt if the situation is right. I keep hoping to see a something in 3 yr old that is a "turning point". Baby is a clean slate mostly-she does have a fierce temper-lol.
Wow...3 months since last post. It has been a very trying 3 mos. Not knowing what is really going on with the parents is the hardest. I try to play snoop online but dont always get whole story. Mom is playing both dads against each other. According to worker- criminal charges will keep both parents in jail past the time limit they gave them, and they have asked if we are interested in permanency. 3yr old now has a RAD diagnosis-Our R & C worker thinks maybe he has sociopathic tendencies. (We do too) I don't think we are able to commit to 3 yr old and his dangerous ways. He has no empathy and no remorse-its scary and sad to see. 7 yr old will probably return to his dad eventually. We love the baby girl-but can't commit to them long term as a set. We really are afraid 3 yr old will eventually become dangerous to others. I'm torn between continuing to do what I can for them, and crying uncle-my own son is having trouble in school because of how labor intensive it is for me to manage helping everyone in the evenings. I don't feel like there is enough of me to go around and properly take care of everyones needs, on nights when 3 yr old refuses to be entertained and goes about the place hurting people (and animals) and damaging things. Sounds like we will know for sure by July 25th if Mom will return to jail or come out and start working on her plan-entire plan has to be finished by December-or they will seek TPR, unless she returns to jail-then they will probably seek tpr sooner. I keep trying to get to a good place to decide how I feel-I keep wavering-I keep waiting for 3 yr old to show SOME sign of regret-some sign of empathy-some sign of remorse-some sign that this is gonna get easier for everyone. I will really hurt when baby girl needs to leave-and so will my husband.-She loves us and we love her. Sometimes I feel like, if I could just hold out so they can go home, or until they find and adoptive placement for both of them, and other days Im so mentally and physically exhausted that I want to give up and ask someone to come get them. But for tonight-I just cry at the computer screen hoping someone sees this and can maybe relate. This is very very hard to do.
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HI, again! I want to tell you: the damage is minimal to what it could be. I've dealt with 3 broken windows, 2 broken walls and 2 broken doors along dishes and cutlery that end up broken and/or missing. As for the RAD-dx'd one: It may be better if he's be himself. Maybe he can get the attention that he needs. Mine (one was the victim of SA; his bio brother was neglect and my 2 youngest were neglect and multiple placements) always showed some type of remorse. As for the rules: let me know how it goes. Mine hit puberty and teen years and I've had to pick my battles. I abhor cursing but if they're home, not drinking or doing drugs and going to school, I yell but it's not an issue. I also have one that's developmentally delayed. He wants to enlist and the Sergeant we spoke to made it sound like it wasn't that hard...so we'll see. Kudos to you!! and if at all possible, take some time for yourself. I am going on a girls' weekend in 3 days. This is how I recharge. And don't expect a lot from the bio parents. I've learned that they either want to parent or they don't (or can't).