When you finally know you have adopted someone truly bad.

I am so sorry to hear your fears have been confirmed. Will she accept help?

I can see you're upset. Sorry to hear about your painI was trying to look into the details, but don't see other posts from you. how old is the child? was there a history of SA on her? Has she been in therapy? will she go into therapy? is the newly abused child getting therapy?I assume there's line of sight supervision at this point?

She's 12 and has been in therapy most of her life. Now with a psychiatrist that specializes in adopted children's behaviors. She does not take insurance. For those of you just getting into adoption pay special attention to PASS. They are helping us pay. Yes, there is SA in her past. Birth mom drug addict/prostitute. Yes the other child gets counseling and has been placed in a different home.

I am so sorry to hear of your situation.While some children can be helped to stop molesting others, others cannot be cured of their proclivities. These are often children who have a severe form of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), where they fail to develop a conscience. They know what is right and wrong, but simply don't care. They may molest, physically harm, steal, lie, and so on, and manipulate others into going along with what they want to do, or into believing that the aggressor was actually the victim. It is believed that the failure to develop a conscience is often the result of having the bonds of trust between a parent and child broken, or broken repeatedly. If a child cries and no one comes to help, if a child is hungry and no one feeds him, if a child wants love and is given only pain, and if a child has a succession of different people claiming to be his parents, why should he form an attachment to anyone, or take to heart what he has heard about right and wrong?While they are particularly good at preying on children whom they perceive as weaker, kids with RAD are also adept at fooling and/or manipulating adults. They may attempt to initiate sexual acts with adults, and then, when faced with the possibility of being caught or reported, accuse the adults of initiating the acts. They may also accuse adults of initiating sexual contact as a way of "getting back at" parents or caregivers who attempt to enforce basic rules, such as not using the Internet without parental supervision or not bringing a sharp knife to school. They have been known to manipulate Child Protective Services into thinking that their parents, foster parents, adoptive parents, etc. have harmed them, when the truth is quite the opposite. So be careful, when your child is with others, to make sure that these other people are aware of your situation and will not be taken in by false reports of abuse by you.Severe forms of RAD in a child can strain a parent's ability to have a normal life. It can strain a marriage to the breaking point. Even families who are deeply committed to parenting a child who molests or harms others often find that they simply are at their wits' end, and cannot continue. One problem is that there are few resources for a child who cannot live in a normal family, and to the extent that they exist, they are often prohibitively expensive and not covered by standard health insurance. There are many families who have wound up relinquishing children to state care, because their children posed a risk to themselves and others and needed to live in a secure therapeutic setting that was simply unaffordable. Relinquishment was the only way they could get their children the help they needed.I do hope that your child winds up being one who can make good progress without being institutionalized and/or relinquished. But if it becomes necessary to find an out-of-home placement for the child, I hope that no one on these boards will second guess you, tell you that you are not a committed parent, or whatever. If they suddenly found themselves in your situation, I am confident that they would do exactly the same.Sharon