I have years to adopt but I have concerns

Are you fost/adopting or adopting privately from an agency?

Hi, I am an adoptee that was immediately adopted at birth. I have since married and had my own biological children. So here is my input. I'm glad to see you are looking forward to long term goals in life and hopefully you have come to terms with the scars you received through your youth. If not please get counseling as it will help you to heal and move forward in a more positive way as you create your own family.As an adoptee I think it is very important to speak about adoption openly from the time the child is brought into your home. That way it is always open for communication when the child learns what the word adoption means. Always be open and willing to communicate with their thoughts on adoption. Sure they will have questions of wondering why they were adopted. Hopefully you can bring that into a positive for them assuring them that the birth family loved them enough for whatever reason felt the child would be with a family like you that wanted to have a child to love as their own. They will wonder about many things that biological children tend to not even think about. Such as is they look like their biological parents or possible siblings. Sure you might have some rough teen years with a child.. but remember that does not mean they want their biological parents... it just a part of raising kids. I personally never thought I was not my mom and dads child and never felt like it was anything different. I have had many family type relationships with people who I call family and we are not family by blood or adoption.. We are family by choice as we share unconditional love for one another.As a parent of my own biological children I can tell you right now that every child is different. I have 3 and even though they might be similar in ways... they are also as opposite as day and night. I don't think you should even make sexual orientation something out of the norm. Sure you will have to explain things differently that what many consider the norm. But sexuality is an individual thing. I personally do not feel you should not date while raising your child. They need to see you interacting in relationships in life. Of coarse you don't want to show them what you do in the bedroom... but you wouldn't do that even if it was between a man and a woman. That being said... you don't want to bring home everyone you have a date with for your child to meet. But if you start seeing the potential of a relationship with someone then by all means include your child.Please take this as my own personal input. And I do wish you the best in your future.K9

I adopted my son as a single mom. Parenting is one of the best and one of the hardest things I can ever imagine doing. It's also very different than I imagined. When my son was born, I was 37 years old and a clinical counselor with kids. I was raised by a single mom and have several single parent friends. I had a fantastic support system and a well paying job that I loved with an incredibly supportive employer. I really thought I was prepared. When he was about 18 months old, I found myself sitting on the kitchen floor hysterically crying on the phone with my mom, telling her I didn't know what I was thinking when I decided to become a parent and that I was the worst mom in the world. While those moments happen to everyone, I really never expected it. There are lots of other things that really aren't what I expected. One thing about kids is that they aren't blank slates. They are born with their own personalities, and sometimes those mesh with their parents really well, and other times not so much. For example, my sister in law is not anywhere near girly, and at a year old my niece would flatly refuse to wear pants, with huge temper tantrums if you tried to get her into them, but would happily wear pretty pink frilly dresses. Adapting to your child's personality and needs is tough. Your statement about having clothes that you know your daughter will love made me think of this, because she very well may not. We've all been there with having dreams of specifics about parenting, and it doesn't always work that way. Adoption adds another layer to that, because there are so many things you can't control. No one asked specifically about my sexual orientation. I did bring it up, because I wanted to be comfortable with the agency I worked with. Some agencies will not work with gay or lesbian parents, and some won't work with singles. You just need to do your research.Private adoption is extremely expensive, think $25,00-$40,000 on average. There are more people wanting to adopt than there are children placed for adoption. Because there is big money to be made by agencies, there are a lot of problems with unethical practices, including coercing parents into relinquishing children.Foster care and adoption from foster care are different. The costs are minimal. If you are fostering, you risk heartbreak if a child you love returns to a bad situation (or even a good situation, if you don't see them anymore). Adopting a child who is legally free from foster care is almost always going to be an older child. Children in foster care usually have special needs stemming from abuse, neglect, or prenatal substance exposure. Parenting a child in these situations is also different. There is a lot for you to think about in the process. You have plenty of time to research, and I would recommend that you talk with and read things by adoptees and first parents as well as by adoptive parents and adoption professionals. Other perspectives are invaluable.