New to adoption and hence basic question for my stuation

When you ADOPT children from a state foster care system, many of the normal costs of the adoption process -- for example, the cost of having a homestudy -- will be significantly reduced or even zero. Some children, mainly those with special needs, will come home with subsidies for ongoing medical care. There is a one-time federal tax credit, which can be taken when you complete your adoption, which helps some parents offset the costs of adopting, and some states also offer a tax credit, though sometimes just for adoptions of children with special needs.Unfortunately, you are wrong to assume that children adopted from foster care, or in any other way, automatically get free college educations. Since July 2009, children who were adopted from foster care at age 13 or older are considered on the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) to be an independent student, which means they don’t have to count family income and are more likely to qualify for financial aid, but there are no guarantees. And youth who are adopted from the foster care system at age 16 or older may be able to access Education and Training Voucher (ETV) assistance, which provides up to $5,000 per year for youth who are in college or at an accredited vocational or technical training program, but that amount certainly won't cover anywhere near the cost of a college education nowadays. Some schools are more generous with scholarships for children adopted from foster care, because they know how hard they must have worked to be eligible for college, but that's not necessarily the case. And kids who are adopted through other programs, such as through a domestic adoption agency, or from a foreign country, do not get free college educations, either. If they qualify academically, and/or the adoptive parents have low enough income, they may get merit or need-based scholarships, low-interest loans, and work/study assistance. Tthe colleges may take special circumstances into account, but there is "no free lunch". My 20 year old, adopted from China as a young toddler, happens to have gotten an incredible package of need and merit based scholarships, loans, and work/study at an excellent university, this year, but it had virtually nothing to do with the fact that she was adopted. It had more to do with her excellent academic performance, and with the fact that I'm an "old Mom" of 70, who recently had her job eliminated.As far as foster children go, you will get a certain payment from the state, as long as they continue to live with you, but don't count on it to cover your expenses fully. And by the time they are old enough for college, they have generally aged out of the foster care system, so most states will not be providing them with assistance. There are, however, a few states that offer tuition waivers or partial scholarships to children who were in foster care, but you'll have to check availability with your state. And, again, some colleges may be more generous with kids who've been in foster care, simply because they've usually had to work extra hard to qualify for admission, but don't count on it. The main criteria will be their academic performance and your income.Let me also mention that there is a federal law that allows a person who has worked for a company of a certain size for at least a year to take up to 12 weeks of leave after adoption of a child. It's unpaid leave, and you will have to continue paying your health insurance premiums, but it can really help you avoid going crazy with all of the things you have to do for a newly adopted child. The employer MUST agree to place you in a comparable job (not necessarily the same job) when you return.In general, I'd suggest that you think carefully about whether you can afford to raise children, whether adopted or fostered. Having raised a daughter, I know how expensive it can be. I didn't get any subsidies for my daughter, because she didn't come from foster care, but even if I had, I am quite sure that they would not have covered the specialized services that she needed to help her with a feeding disorder as a baby, to treat depression as a teen, and so on. These were not conditions that I could have predicted she would have before I adopted her; she was considered a healthy child, and, frankly, she was healthier than most of her peers. She also happens to be extremely petite. As a child, she could wear only shoes for tiny, very narrow feet, and they could be found only in specialty stores that charged very high prices. She couldn't wear most cheap clothes, as they were designed for children who were of normal American height and weight, and her height and weight were low, even for an Asian child. While you don't have to be rich to adopt, especially from foster care, you do need to have enough income to deal with the unexpected. And the unexpected may include both negative things, like medical problems, and positive things, like a child with special talents. My daughter hated sports, and didn't want to participate in many of the typical childhood activities that you can find at low to moderate cost. What I certainly didn't expect was that she would turn out to have an unusual gift for riding horses; a friend once said, in jest, that she must have been related to Genghis Khan! (Her birthparents are unknown.) If you want to put a child in a riding program that emphasizes safety as well as good form, you need to be prepared to spend a bundle, not just on lessons, but on proper riding attire. My daughter didn't choose to go on the show circuit, though she was taught by a man who once coached Olympic riders and who was recognized in the specialty of dressage, so she didn't have all the expenses of dealing with shows. Still, she rode for almost ten years, and believe me, it wasn't cheap.Also, my daughter turned out to be very bright and good at foreign languages. And I wanted all the help I could get in teaching her moral values. So I decided that the best school for her elementary years was a very impressive Jewish, bilingual Hebrew/English private school favored by the Israeli diplomatic families in my area. We got some financial aid, but I was shelling out more than I did for her freshman year of college, because her scholarships and loans didn't cover the full cost of that year of college. I would have kept her in private school longer, but the downturn in the economy made it impossible; she went into a highly regarded, highly competitive IB program in our county public schools, but frankly, I preferred the education she was getting previously. Yes, it was my choice to send her to the private school -- I could have put her in public school; but, frankly, she would not have utilized her intelligence to the fullest, and that would have been a real shame. By the time she transferred to public school, she was not far from fluency in modern Hebrew, and had begun the study of French. Six years later, she still had enough Hebrew to help older teens and young adults who were with her on a (free) trip to Israel; they called her the "professor", as she helped them to avoid getting cheated in stores, and to read directional signs. And she entered college with five years of French, as well. Luckily, the public schools DID motivate her to consider a career in business -- she fell in love with economics -- and she now does her own taxes, picks her own health insurance plan, understands how to evaluate a lease, and so on. She also took a year off to get some real-world work experience, and developed an outstanding work ethic. And yes, being a heterosexual young woman, she has had a steady boyfriend for almost two years, and their relationship is almost like that of old married people.The other thing you should know is that there is never any guarantee, whether you give birth to a child or adopt or foster him/her, that he/she will be physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy. Plenty of families do everything right during their pregnancy, and wind up with a child with learning disabilities, autism, behavior problems, asthma, a cleft palate, a heart malformation, or deafness. Plenty of families who adopt, thinking that the child referred to them is healthy, wind up with a kid who needs surgery, ongoing medical care, psychotherapy, speech therapy, major dental and orthodontic work, and so on. When they adopt from foster care, they may not always get accurate information about the child's health status, and the same is true when they adopt from overseas. On the other hand, especially, but not only, with international adoption, some children are referred as having significant special needs, but turn out to be totally healthy; scary diagnoses may have been recorded to make the foreign authorities more willing to send the child overseas. One thing that most adoptive parents know is that some conditions aren't easily diagnosed at birth. As an example, autism doesn't show up, in most cases, until a child is around age three. Fetal alcohol spectrum disorders may not become evident until a child starts school. And so on. Another thing that most adoptive parents will tell you is that the older a child is at adoption, the more likely it is that he/she has had negative life experiences, either in his/her birth family, or in foster care, or in an orphanage/group home. However, there is no guarantee that even an infant or toddler won't have been exposed to abuse, neglect, lack of mental stimulation, lack of adequate nutrition, etc.In the foster care system of some, but not all, states, it is virtually impossible to find a infant or toddler. And many of the older children will have significant baggage, in most states. And even if you can find such children, they will often demand a great deal of your time and attention for the first few years, simply because they may not have had a lot of experience in a healthy family, and need to learn to live in one. Very frankly, whenever you adopt or foster a child, from any source, you may find yourself unable to remain in the job you had before you adopted or fostered, because there are simply too many things you must do for your child in the first few years -- getting him/her caught up with immunizations, teaching your child the skills he/she will need to be acceptable in day care or school, getting him/her tested and treated for common minor problems of some adopted children, such as intestinal parasites or scabies, and so much more. I had taken a job, before I adopted, that I thought would be somewhat child-friendly. Well, it wasn't, and I lasted about a year, doing things like keeping a porta crib in my car, so that my child could sleep in my office if I had to work late, and having to interrupt my day frequently to take my daughter to the doctor or to other appointments..Let me also mention another thing. You mentioned that you have a girlfriend. Generally, you will not be able to adopt as a couple if you are not married. You will usually have to adopt as a single person. If you adopt as a single male, you may face some prejudices. While both straight and gay men are legally permitted to adopt, in most states, there are, unfortunately, a lot of people who will be concerned that you might be a pedophile, because there is a prevailing belief that men don't really want to be nurturers, and so your interest in adopting must mean that you have ulterior motives. Expect to face even more scrutiny than most single women or couples will have to endure during the homestudy process. And even if you are squeaky clean, some types of adoption may be closed to you, such as adoption from most foreign countries; most do not accept single men. Also expect that, even though you mention a girlfriend, some people will think that you are gay, and believe that gay people shouldn't adopt or foster. In general, you are likely to have the greatest success at adopting as a single male, if you are open to adopting school aged boys. There is generally some reluctance to place girls and infants of either sex with men, though such adoptions have occurred.You may find that you can't adopt as a single, if you are living with a girlfriend, because an agency won't allow it. However, even if you can, remember that she will need to be interviewed and fingerprinted for the homestudy, and to have police and child abuse clearances, just as you will. Any adult, regardless of whether a girlfriend, a boarder, a relative, etc. must go through these things. And if your girlfriend contributes to the support of your household, her financials will also have to be included in the homestudy process. If you ARE approved to adopt as a single, you can later do what's called a "second parent adoption" in some states. Originally created for gay and lesbian couples, second parent adoption, where it's permitted, allows the unmarried partner of a single (straight or gay) to acquire the same parental rights as the single who actually adopted the child. Consult a lawyer for more information about second parent adoption in your state. If you are fostering, rather than adopting, you will still need a homestudy that includes any other adults living in your home, so be sure that your girlfriend doesn't have any skeletons in her closet that might preclude you from adopting or fostering. And be sure that she is "on the same page" with you about adopting or fostering, as she will be asked how she feels about you doing these things.In general, you are likely to have an easier time adopting or fostering if you are married, though plenty of single men do adopt;. If you are considering marriage, remember that most agencies want to see evidence of stability of your relationship. Most agencies want you to be married for at least 1-3 years before you adopt, although some, usually not faith-based, will count years spent living together towards that requirement. All in all, I think you have a lot of serious thinking and research to do before you consider adopting or fostering. I hope I've helped clarify some of the issues you need to think about.Sharon

Sharon gave you a pretty thorough overview. One of the important things for you to understand is the difference between foster and adoption. As a foster parent, you would receive support from the state for children in your care. This support rarely covers all of a child's costs, and can vary greatly from state to state. For example, in my state, I receive a daily rate for the child, and the state also pays for daycare because I work full time. In some states, the foster parents must pay for daycare, and this could cost as much as or more than the board rate that the state pays, effectively precluding working parents from fostering. Foster parents receive this because the child is a ward of the state. The Foster parents provide day to day care for the child, but are not legally the parents. Foster parents do not have the right to make legal, medical, or educational choices for their foster children. They cannot take the foster child out of state without permission from the caseworker or judge. They are expected to support reunification with biological parents, including making sure the children get to scheduled visitation (typically at minimum once per week), attend family-team meetings, meet with the caseworker at least once per month and the guardian ad litem (typically a lawyer, who is appointed by the court to advocate for the child) at least every couple of months. Some states require that foster parents transport children to visits or even supervise visits. Foster parenting is wonderful, but it is a lot of work, and it lacks some of the benefits of being the legal parent. One of these is that you have no rights to the child and very little say in what happens.In foster care, the first goal is always reunification with the biological parents, or, if this is not possible, placement with a relative. Biological parents are given time (theoretically 12-18 months, but not necessarily) to work their plans and reunify with their children. If they are unable to do so, parental rights may be terminated. At that point, one of the following may happen (in order of theoretical preference): 1) placement with a relative, 2) adoption by the foster parents, 3) adoption by someone else licensed to adopt through Foster care. If the foster parent adopts, some states continue to provide some level of subsidy. For example, my state provides Medicaid to all children adopted through foster care, regardless of special needs. Not all states do. Children with special needs (this can be medical, mental health, developmental, or simply being an "older child " at the time of the adoption) may qualify for a financial subsidy, which is intended to cover the "extra" costs, such as special therapies or programs, that the child may need. The subsidies are not intended to cover the child's daily needs, which parents are expected to be able to meet.None of this is meant to discourage you, but it is very important to have a realistic expectation. If you can't afford to support children, you can't afford to have them. You may be able to foster more children than you could raise as their legal parent, but fostering isn't free, either, and it comes with a lot of extra work and a lot of heartache. In my mind, it's worth it. I love being a mom, and my fosters are my kids, too, even if I'm not their legal mom. I love them, and I hate losing them, even when I know it's best for them to be with the folks they go to. It's a different kind of parenting, though, and not everyone is cut out for it. Maybe focusing to start on what is feasible for you would be helpful. If you can't afford a large family, can you afford one or two children? You will be better off looking at what is within your means than looking for ways around those restrictions.