Anyone going through this?

I don't know if anyone is going through what we are. I have a heavy heart and don't know how much too share. For years, I haven't spoke about the things our family goes through. Simply said to H# and back. My adopted son has so many issues that I don't know where to start. He lies, steals, threatens to cause and has caused harm to us all, damages our home, uses drugs, uses alcohol, has an under developed conscience, severe Oppositional Defiant Disorder, selling drugs, won't go to school, has gone after the police, he has no respect for any authority figure, in trouble with the law and follows no rules anywhere. Even after all of this, I still love him and my heart is heavy from his absence. We went to court and the juvenile judge has decided to put him in custody so, she can keep him in the juvenile court system until he is 21yrs. old. All of a sudden, I don't feel as though I have any say in his care. They haven't contacted me except to get doctor and dentist info. Oh ya, and they want to bug our family members about a kinship placement. Shouldn't we have the choice of who we want to share this with in our family. We have already spoken to family members about kinship a year ago. His behavior is so out of control members of the family don't want to take this on. A year ago, my son's behavior escalated in his violent behaviors endangering his sisters in the home. We placed him in a proctor home and has been there since. We receive no help from post adopt they refuse and we pay for all of his care in this proctor home. This runs about 1700.00 a month, we are not well off. He is placed in a good proctor home. She cares for him and is really trying to help him learn. He can come to frequent visits and attends his same school. The proctor mom has become a good friend of ours and lives about a mile away. I don't know what will happen in the days to come. I have to admit that I have a big concern. What this will do to our reputation in the community. Let me explain! If DCFS has a proctor parent taking in papers in too our current doctor and dentist like the ones that I used when I did foster care. From my experience, people don't understand that the courts got involved because my son wasn't following court orders not because we did something wrong. Is our doctor now going to be concerned for my other children unnecessarily? The next time I go to the pharmacy, are the technicians and pharmacist going to wonder what is wrong with me? I had a bad experience with a hospital recently. They gave me no information about my son's attempted suicide because they thought he wasn't in our custody. All of this because he was in a proctor placement, the hospital thought we lost our son because we weren't doing what we (parents) were suppose to do. I told them that he was in our custody and that we were his parents. I feel overwhelmed and saddened by all of this. I would love to pack up and move just to have a fresh start. My husband doesn't understand! No one seems too! My mom thinks that I should have given him back to the state years ago. I just can't he is my son no matter how hard this has been. I love him. We have been going through this for 14 years and I have several other adopted children. So far, I feel like my parental rights are being violated. Where is my say? I have the right make the decisions for my son and yet, here I am feeling helpless. Anyone please help!