exhausted from trying-considering crying uncle

I've had my sibling foster group of 3 since September 2015. Looks like younger 2 may go to tpr in December-older boy may eventually go to his separate dad. 3 yr old is RAD and very difficult to deal with by himself-then I have one with learning disabilities that is UBER behind-a god aweful number of appointments and my son is falling behind in school because I'm exhausetd and trying to help him with his homework while also keeping 3 yr old from burning down the house! Yes I'm exaggerating-but I AM also EXHAUSTED. I don't really know if Im doing everyone justice by keeping them when I'm so drained. Then there are my two adult children in college that still need Mom sometimes. We don't intend to adopt these guys-is it unreasonable to see if they can be moved to what will be a concurrent home? How does it reflect on me as a foster home if I ask for a group to be moved, and has anyone done this before to save your sanity and benefit your own family?

A friend of mine fostered a group of 4 siblings for 10 months. Her other children were not getting the attention they needed and it ended up being too much. They put in their notice and the children went to different homes. They have fostered 6 children since then. Everyone has their reasons and my friends had theirs. The system needs families to foster so badly that I really don't believe this will look bad on you as a foster parent.

People ask for foster children to be moved all the time--sometimes it just isn't a good fit. FPs are not superhumans who can handle anything and everything they are presented with. Some don't have the patience to deal with certain behaviors, some don't have the experience needed to deal with certain behaviors and some FPs have other children in the house who end up suffering when a particular child requires a large amount of time and attention. If you feel that you cannot continue fostering these children and end up disrupting the placement don't beat yourself up over it. It happens.

I know I'm a bit late to this thread - I've been off the boards for a little bit. I had a 3 year old who came to me as a concurrent placement this spring. It became apparent within a few weeks that behaviors were far more severe than had been expected (or at least than I had been told). I gave notice just over a month in that the child would need to be moved. I only parented a child with RAD (who I had been assured wasn't) for 6 weeks, and I thought I was losing my mind. My son was starting to act out at school from the stress, I was physically sick from it, and one of my friendships was destroyed. All in 6 weeks. I have a friend who adopted a child with RAD, and I see what she is going through and the toll it is taking on her family. There is nothing wrong with saying you can't meet a child's needs. It is so much better than saying you can and not being able to.

We do still have them. 3 yr old is now somewhat improved with medication. I have been trying to get everyone caught up and school ready for fall. My evenings have improved since homework is gone away from shool being out.We are having a hard time emotionally being able to let them go- even though they are so much work. Sweet baby girl who loves us- makes it very hard. I know we need to move them. It will probably be before school starts.

Fast forward to now...we still have them. 3 yr old is now 4. He has been medicated for awhile now-he behaviors are pretty predictable for the most part. A few new things developed-like constantly touching himself and poop smearing. Parents have been in and out of jail again-one has taken off to live on the beach. My own family life contiues to lack the attention it needs-so we have given notice asking to have them moved-and that time came and went, and they are still here-basically because their worker just ignored my txts for 10 days. Spoke to my liscensing worker who emailed everyones superior giving an end date of when they need to be moved out of our home. 4 yr old has gotten violent at times, and when I say his behavior is predicatable-I mean he refuses to do every single thing he is asked. I have tried different techniques, strategies and prayers-but every single encounter results in defiance and screaming and property damage and all consuming attention seeking.We are just waiting to exhaile at this point. Baby girl has started acting like 4yr old, screaming all of the time, because he screams at her. Ive separated everyone to the point of worrying that they dont socialize enough-but 5 minutes into it-remember why i separate them...can you say baby gates...or sarcasm? I completely beleive I have related PTSD