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My husband and I, adopted our newphews this past november. They were with us 1 year and 9 months with us before the adoption was final. We already have 3 kids biological, twins girls that are 15th and 13th year old boy. When we first decide to have the nephews live with us, it was supposed to be temporarily since everyone in the family, including myself and my Mom thought that my sister will want her kids back and do everything under the sun to get them back. As time went on, things got worse with my sister, drugs and alcohol were taken over and the court goals of reunification just kept getting extended to get her ample time to straight her act . Unfortenatly, it got to the point that my sister gave up and stop coming to court all together which make it easier for her rights as a parent to be terminated. The situation is very difficult since we decided to adopt them and it's whithim the family. I feel like everyone has something to say and that no matter what I do, we are the bad one (even thought we are stepping up to love them and sacrifice for them like any parent would). The boys are 11th and 3 yeard old, they are both doing great, the little have call us Mom and Dad for months now and the older one started calling Mom and Dad the day the adoption was completed, we were surprise but joyful at them same time because we didn't expect him to call us Mom and Dad since he is older and had being calling us Aunt and Uncle....The adoption was basically a month ago, and here is my predicament! Should the boys see their Mom for Christmas? a visit so she can see them? My heart tells me yes and no! I don't want to erase her! I can't and I think is not good for the boys for me to do that! but it's soo soon I feel that it might undo some of the good things that has been happening! example: will the older one feel guilty of calling us Mom and Dad after seeing Mom! please help! I want to do best for both!
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Jackline,I am sorry this is late, I just happened to see this post. How about this, Christmas is past and I am not sure what direction you went... but let's talk about the rest of this up coming year. No, I don't think you should stop including your sister in your children's lives. However, you are a brand new family and consistency and unity is important in a family. Families need to do things together, I feel for your first year that should be a big part of developing a relationship, getting to know each other and loving each other. Your sister can come and visit, but don't feel guilty about making the holidays about you and your family and making special memories with them. I hope that helps!
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