Our (now young adult) adopted son found and reunited with his birth mother a couple of years ago. She lives on the other side of the world so they've only had one meeting. Her extended family has welcomed our son as well - although from a distance. Our son is the only grandchild for his birth mother's husband's parents. A couple of questions:
1- Should we, as his adoptive parents, try to forge a relationship with them? Or should we back out completely?
2- Should we refer to them as Grandma and Grandpa? He calls his birth mother by her first name
Opinions please ...
I would take my cue from your son. What does he want? If he is comfortable with the idea of you forging a relationship with his birth family it could be a good idea. My belief is that the adopted child should be one who has the say in this case. If he is not comfortable, I would back off. How does he refer to his birth grandparents? That's what I would call her.
I am a birthmom from a closed adoption. I found my my bson when he was almost 32 and I couldn't find his current information because he had moved. I found his parents from the information I had and made first contact with them. They gave him the information and stepped back. He wasn't willing at first to let them know when he did contact me, but eventually he did. He then invited all of us to events at his home. He refers to me by my first name. (I honestly don't remember how he addressed my father who died several years ago.) His children call me Nana Kathy.
If when your son marries, do you think you'll have much of a relationship with his spouse's family? I think in a way this is similar. The extended relationships can enrich our lives when they are healthy. Again, I think it depends on how your son feels about it.