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I recently read this letter in an advice column (you can find it here: http://www.therecord.com/living-story/7145228-dear... ). Birth moms, adoptees, what advice would YOU give to this woman?
"I was adopted at birth 30 years ago. At 20, I found a letter from my birth mom saying she hopes I find her and she'll try finding me because she wants a relationship with me.
I was looking for her for years and couldn't find her. Five years ago, someone started up a conversation with me and, by chance, happened to know my birth mom, so gave me her name.
I've tried communicating with her many times. She comes around once every two years and only talks to me when I message her.
She has four other kids who know nothing about me. She gives my kids gifts and they wonder who she is. I can't tell them because she's never around long enough.
I've told her several times that I'm done trying. It's eating me up inside to see how good a mom and grandma she is to her other kids.
I've told her I have to let her go, but she keeps saying she wants a relationship.
Am I setting myself up for failure? Should I just realize that I'm never going to be part of her family?"
I had a similar situation at first with my birth mom. It only took her a few months to come around though. I finally told her that I didn't want to be the family secret anymore. I think it's totally ok to advocate for yourself. If you feel the relationship is causing more harm than good, it is ok to let go.
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I recently read this letter in an advice column (you can find it here: http://www.therecord.com/living-story/7145228-dear... ). Birth moms, adoptees, what advice would YOU give to this woman?
"I was adopted at birth 30 years ago. At 20, I found a letter from my birth mom saying she hopes I find her and she'll try finding me because she wants a relationship with me.
I was looking for her for years and couldn't find her. Five years ago, someone started up a conversation with me and, by chance, happened to know my birth mom, so gave me her name.
I've tried communicating with her many times. She comes around once every two years and only talks to me when I message her.
She has four other kids who know nothing about me. She gives my kids gifts and they wonder who she is. I can't tell them because she's never around long enough.
I've told her several times that I'm done trying. It's eating me up inside to see how good a mom and grandma she is to her other kids.
I've told her I have to let her go, but she keeps saying she wants a relationship.
Am I setting myself up for failure? Should I just realize that I'm never going to be part of her family?"
We're experiencing a similar situation with my wife's biological parents. They don't want the people in their world to know about a youthful transgression 50 years ago. It bothers me as her spouse because she is a very respected and loved person who has succeeded without a lot of help and is not asking for more than to not be a secret. Everybody says to just give it time.
Last update on February 4, 8:46 am by Mitch Bordeaux.
I recently read this letter in an advice column (you can find it here: http://www.therecord.com/living-story/7145228-dear... ). Birth moms, adoptees, what advice would YOU give to this woman?
"I was adopted at birth 30 years ago. At 20, I found a letter from my birth mom saying she hopes I find her and she'll try finding me because she wants a relationship with me.
I was looking for her for years and couldn't find her. Five years ago, someone started up a conversation with me and, by chance, happened to know my birth mom, so gave me her name.
I've tried communicating with her many times. She comes around once every two years and only talks to me when I message her.
She has four other kids who know nothing about me. She gives my kids gifts and they wonder who she is. I can't tell them because she's never around long enough.
I've told her several times that I'm done trying. It's eating me up inside to see how good a mom and grandma she is to her other kids.
I've told her I have to let her go, but she keeps saying she wants a relationship.
Am I setting myself up for failure? Should I just realize that I'm never going to be part of her family?"
Believe me its not worth it. I found my oldest daughter 2 years ago and have been constantly in her life since I found her. Her sisters and I spend Christmas together and since I drive a truck for a living I go see her whenever I am able to take home time. Which is a bonus! Her sisters and her live 1/2 way across the country from one another but I make sure they see her for Christmas and other holidays if I possibly can get her there. Shes my baby girl and if a mother wants to find her child just to put them off every so often see them. Then let it go cause its not worth it. I wouldn't turn my back on my baby for anything and I will never leave her again and if your real mom doesn't feel that way then its not worth it.