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I have a 10-year-old son with ADHD (Predominately Inattentive Presentation, meaning that he's not really wiggly or overactive, he just struggles with focusing.) He's currently taking medication for it, and it's helped him a ton with school.
One struggle that we've been having with him recently is chores. He just seems INORDINATELY overwhelmed by being asked to do a few simple chores.
Our rule is that you don't get privileges (screen time, dessert, toys, friends over) until you've done your daily chores. I have scheduled these chores out on a chart and made my expectations for each chore clear. I try to make sure the chores aren't huge because I know kids need to unwind and play after school, but I do want my kids to know that as a part of a family they are expected to contribute to the well-being of the household.
I have shown him how to complete each of the tasks he's asked to complete - and he has demonstrated the ability to complete them. If he buckles down and focuses, he can easily get through his afternoon chores in 30 minutes. (As an example, today he is supposed to empty the dishwasher, put away his clean laundry, and mop the bathroom floor.)
I've also made it a rule that I don't remind or nag the kids to do their chores - but if they fail to do their chores one day, they lose all privileges the next. Sadly, he often loses his privileges.
He thinks that his chores are too hard, too time-consuming, and that he's under "too much pressure" (his words) to do them. He'll spend hours whining and moping and talking about how "he's doomed" rather than just bucking up, getting the work done, and moving on with his day.
We've tried timing him while he does his chores to show him that they don't actually take that long, but when we remind him that, he blows us off.
I'm kind of at my wits' end with this situation. Are we doing something wrong? Is this massive feeling of overwhelm connected to his ADHD? Is there something we can do to help him get through this?
(Since this is an adoption forum, I should note that he is our biological child and doesn't have a history of trauma.)
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I can certainly sympathize as my son is the same way. It is very frustrating. With my son, rewards works better than restrictions. For instance, he went through a phase where he was picking the strings out of his clothing. I would take away his privileges to no avail. Then I started rewarding him for not picking. That worked much better. He usually is not allowed to have his phone to play with during the school week. So I changed it to where if he didn't pick during the day, he could earn 1 hr of screen time. He is very honest, almost to a fault, so he would always answer truthfully.
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I can certainly sympathize as my son is the same way. It is very frustrating. With my son, rewards works better than restrictions. For instance, he went through a phase where he was picking the strings out of his clothing. I would take away his privileges to no avail. Then I started rewarding him for not picking. That worked much better. He usually is not allowed to have his phone to play with during the school week. So I changed it to where if he didn't pick during the day, he could earn 1 hr of screen time. He is very honest, almost to a fault, so he would always answer truthfully.