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I'm a birth mom and am lucky enough to have a very open relationship with my birth daughter's parents and their family. I have met all of their siblings and parents, even a few of their cousins. I even have the occasional phone call with one of the adoptive grandmas. I feel blessed that they are all so comfortable with me.
I'm starting to realize that this isn't necessarily common, even with open adoptions. I wonder why that is. I would love to gain some perspective on birth parents meeting your extended family and why you did/didn't allow it.
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My husband's parents met our son's birth mom at the hospital and I thought it was a beautiful experience. I thought it was great for them to meet his birth mom because they got to see what an incredible person she is. It also gave her a chance to see the kind of people her child was going to have as grandparents. A lot of our siblings are actually in the process of writing her letters thanking her and welcoming her to our family. I think it really helps that one of my sister-in-laws is actually a birth mom as well so she is very compassionate because she has experienced adoption personally. A lot of people are under the impression that all birth moms are using drugs, promiscuous or irresponsible when that is not true for the majority of birth mothers. I have several family members that believe this and it doesn't seem to matter how many times I try to educate them or tell them how wonderful our son's birth mom is, they have this very judgmental picture of her in their head about the type of person she is. I do not want them to meet her because of the protectiveness that I feel for her. She does not deserve to be treated disrespectfully because of what they believe birth moms are like and I honestly will have very little contact with those family members unless they change how they speak about adoption because my son does not need to grow up hearing negative and untrue things about his birth mom. I think it is amazing that you have such an open adoption and I can tell what an incredible and loving person you are just through your posts. I really enjoy hearing your perspective on things and look forward to continuing to follow your story. <3
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[quote=243780] A lot of our siblings are actually in the process of writing her letters thanking her and welcoming her to our family. I think it really helps that one of my sister-in-laws is actually a birth mom as well so she is very compassionate because she has experienced adoption personally. I love that your siblings are writing letters to your son's birth mom. I'm sure it will mean so much to her to be remembered and acknowledged in that way.
My husband's parents met our son's birth mom at the hospital and I thought it was a beautiful experience. I thought it was great for them to meet his birth mom because they got to see what an incredible person she is. It also gave her a chance to see the kind of people her child was going to have as grandparents. A lot of our siblings are actually in the process of writing her letters thanking her and welcoming her to our family. I think it really helps that one of my sister-in-laws is actually a birth mom as well so she is very compassionate because she has experienced adoption personally. A lot of people are under the impression that all birth moms are using drugs, promiscuous or irresponsible when that is not true for the majority of birth mothers. I have several family members that believe this and it doesn't seem to matter how many times I try to educate them or tell them how wonderful our son's birth mom is, they have this very judgmental picture of her in their head about the type of person she is. I do not want them to meet her because of the protectiveness that I feel for her. She does not deserve to be treated disrespectfully because of what they believe birth moms are like and I honestly will have very little contact with those family members unless they change how they speak about adoption because my son does not need to grow up hearing negative and untrue things about his birth mom. I think it is amazing that you have such an open adoption and I can tell what an incredible and loving person you are just through your posts. I really enjoy hearing your perspective on things and look forward to continuing to follow your story. <3