Birthday dates

August 7, 2017

My birth daughter's birthday is coming up and I'm really excited about it. One thing I would really love to have a tradition of doing is taking her on a little birthday date to celebrate. I want to do it with their other son as well. I think that time spent together is more important than gifts, and I would really love some one on one bonding with them.

My adoption is very open, but at this point neither I or their son's birth parents have babysat or done anything like I want to do. Both kids are still really young (she's 2, he's 5), so I can understand the hesitation. They also really want things to be fair among all the birth parents, and I'm pretty sure they would never let her birth father take her out. But I wouldn't take her very far for very long at first, I would be happy with the park down the street or just going to get ice cream for a half hour. But I'm really nervous to ask.

Would you be comfortable having your child's birth mom do something like this? How should I ask?

Ashley Foster

September 9, 2017

I think it's great that you want to do that, and I think it would be a nice treat for your daughter. I grew up in a house where my adoptive mom was terrified our birth parents were going to come take us away. She never really said as much, but you could definitely tell. That may have some influence on what I'm about to say.

If I were her mom, I would be a little uncomfortable with her being so young. I would be more comfortable once she was old enough to communicate well and understand the dynamic (maybe 5 or so). BUT, it never hurts to ask. What's the worst thing she can say? No. Well, then you are no worse off then you are now.