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We all know there is a shortage of foster homes. In order to enlist more people, we need to know what works. What specifically inspired you to foster?
Honestly, what really made me pursue fostering was seeing the system as a kid. My father volunteered a lot with disadvantaged youth and many of them were in the foster system or had been in the foster system.
Seeing the impact that the love of family or a person gave to them really embedded in me at a young age the want to foster. Understanding that they are just normal kids who need love. A single friend, a single guide. A smile or kind word makes all the difference. This led to me spending a lot of time with foster kids in my school who were often bullied because they came from such bad backgrounds (13 and two kids because she was raped by her father, stuff like that).
All people want is to be understood and loved. I knew that if I wanted to be a foster parent. I think there is a critical importance of parents that teach their children empathy and sympathy, as well as the importance of fostering. Being around it really influenced me in wanting to do it.
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The motivation for me is a beautiful little boy that I worked with. He had been removed from his mother's custody for the fifth time and was hurting so much. But he was the sweetest to me and I saw so much potential with him if only he had consistency and love. I want to provide that for kids like him.
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I think this is a good two part question.
First My wife and I decided to Foster instead of adopt simply because it was a "win/win" to us. We could help kids grow and provide a stable loving home (what we wanted), but at the same time, the children get what they need the most (a stable loving home). It rare that one's "I want to" and another's "I really need" overlap. We were looking at Adoption, and instead decided to go the foster route just because we feel we could really make a huge impact on such a large number of kids.
It was just a numbers game. We could help 1 maybe 2 kids via adoption, or many many kids via Fostering.
The second part is more like "What scares off people who might consider it?" In talking with my friends and family about the decision the same things kept coming up over and over again.
1. The kids are damaged, disruptstful, evil, bad, etc. I don't know how that stereotype got built, but that scares a lot of people and they can't seem to understand that the kids are just kids. They have been through things, but there no more "evil" then any other kids.
2. That it's always long term. While my wife and I want long term, I tried explaining to friends that you can "foster" for just a day or two. That some kids just need a place to rest a few days while family is contacted, or that other parents need respet care. That "fostering" can mean nothing more awkward then when their kid has a friend over for the weekend.
3. That the kids will disrupt the home. Having 2 Kids and adding a foster kid will disrupt the home and ruin the biological kids. Again, not sure how we get there, but trying to explain that a kid moving in is an event, but that it's not going to spoil your current family etc. is difficult.
4. State inspections etc. I know this freaks people out. They tend to think that if their house isn't perfect that someone will judge them a terrible person. The inspections are needed, but if there were just some way to get them to understand that it's not like that. After the first few home inspections you realize that your not going to get "judged" because you don't sweep, mop, and steam clean the floors every 20 mins. You get inspections with dirty dishes, toys everywhere, dongs making a mess with their toys, and other states that houses are normally i, and that's fine. But it takes that experience to feel that way.