Kinship Adoption

March 30, 2018

Alright, I have a firestorm on my hands and I honestly did not know it was coming.

Before I start, there are 2 children. A 6 year old boy and 4 year old girl

My wife and I took in two kids over two years ago. They were her cousins children. Her cousin was a heroin addict and had lost previous children and CPS was going to take these children and split them up as well. Family members did not or could not take them in and we were approached. Long story short, we did take them in and were granted legal custody. Since that time we worked with BD of one of them (other BD is out of picture) and BM.

Last October, BM refused random drug test and went AWOL. After the holidays we contacted our attorney and asked about the possibility of adoption. Our attorney said it would take a year of no contact. Well a couple months went by and the unfortunate happened, the BM passed away from a drug overdose.

We moved forward with adoption.

While speaking to our attorney the attorney asked if we would like to change their names. So we took it back to the kids. We have 7 other kids and they each have names that align with my wife and I. Rs for boys and Ms for girls. They both wanted to change their name so we changed the first name and kept the middle name.

Well, I was ignorant to my wife's family and how close they were. I announced it privately and I have been stunned by the outcry. I am really stunned and I feel bad for even announcing it. I just did it out of excitement because I thought everyone would be on board (we have had them for over 2 years), but they weren't. Folks that I have not seen at all are now calling my wife in anger. There are family members very hurt and while I feel terrible for my ignorance on their feelings I am not changing our decision.

They are pretty angry that I did not speak with them before the change, but honestly I did not feel it was all that necessary. I haven't really seen them and they have not been involved since we had legal custody so I just spoke with the BD.

The whole thing sucks. I wish I would've handled the entire thing differently. Any advice on how to handle the extended family? I think time will ease the situation.