Is this hopeless?

Hi Tal,I'm sorry for what you've experienced. While I haven't experienced the loss of the bio child or a failed private adoption, I can sympathize with how difficult they could be. I hope to give you a little hope by describing my experience with foster to adopt care. I began fostering my son when he was 3 days old. He's now over 2 years old and we should finalize the adoption in the next 1 to 2 months. It was a LONG journey. Lots of tears, anxiety, and helplessness, but ultimately I understood that I was at the mercy of DCFS and the courts. I realized that while I couldn't control the adoption process, I got to care for and love this child each and every day. He bonded with my spouse and me and visits with birth relatives just had to be done, legally. Thankfully we get to add him to our family permanently and we're currently working on our second, a newborn baby girl. So, is it hopeless? No. Is it hard? Absolutely. But the payoff can be infinite. If you haven't had success adopting a newborn, considering opening your heart and home to older children. They need and can give just as much love as a new born. I hope this helps.