Calling it quits :( Need support

No one should feel the right to judge you because you chose to protect the children you chose to have. You were under no obligation to take him in, but you did and you gave it your all. I have a foster placement who I had this kind of issue with. She would appear to have remorse when an adult was around, but one time she had thrown one of our other kids on the bed and they landed straight on their head/neck and were crying hysterically. I ran in the room and she began to tell me what happened, making it very clear it was not her fault, and seemed legitimately worried. Then when I looked back to see what happened, I say that my other child was bothering her while she was watching TV so she pushed her off the bed, heard her crying, looked at her and kept watching her TV. When I ran into the room her she instantly perked up and acted like she was concerned. It scared me how fake it all was, and she was only 4. We didn't give up, but we had our moments of wanting to make that call.But he threw your child down the stairs. I just don't think people understand. Yes you can love a child who is not yours like your own. But it will not happen with every child. We have an instinct to protect the ones we love the most, an in your case it was your children. Those situations could have ended much worse, ones that would not make you think twice about getting rid of him, but you were smart and didn't let it get worse. And at least now they know his behaviors and can find a family better prepared. I have taken in 2 placements where their family tried to care for them, but ultimately gave up, and I was always very happy that they were strong enough to step up instead of giving them a home that is not in their best interest. There is no judgment here. They can find a family who is better able to help him and it will be better in the long run. I have met a lot of kinship people who say they were promised all this help and support, but get minimal. And when they tell someone concerning behaviors, they brush them off. Best of luck, and if people are going to judge, tell them to get their lives in order so they can take him in. I had one placement that was hard, and everyone kept being judgy and telling me what to do and what I was doing wrong. Then those people spent some time with them and realized I wasn't just being lazy. Sometimes people judge because they do not understand.