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Three months ago I was contacted by a 34 year old women via 23 and Me that was adopted at birth and grew up in the same town as my family. We share the equivalent amount of DNA to be either 1st cousins or half niece/uncle. She also shares DNA with other cousins from my father's side of the family. Due to the ages of my father's sisters, and the fact that they all had large families, I doubted that she was my 1st cousin. That left me with half niece.
Eventually I got up the courage to asked my father if he knew any information that could help her find her family. Turns out that in the 1960's my father and his high school girlfriend had a baby girl that was placed for adoption. My father eventually met my mother, married, and had me and my brothers. My father's girlfriend has a similar story (met her current husband, family, etc.) My father has not had contact with the girlfriend in a VERY long time. My father did not reveal his daughter to my mother. My half sister would be about 54 years old now. I am 44.
My working assumption is that my half sister had a child (my half niece) at a young age, and placed her for adoption. So my adopted half sister had a child who was also placed for adoption. Mind blown! This is my father's granddaughter. I have spoken with my niece several times and we are building a good relationship. She is connecting with several of my family members including my father. I feel sad that we did not have a chance to grow up together, however I am thankful to know her now.
This leaves connecting with my half sister. I feel compelled to help my niece. Through information her adoptive parents had, I was able to located who I think my sister is. I found her high school yearbook pictures and the family resemblance is amazing. She looked like a twin to my cousins. I then found her on Facebook, and now she resembles my aunts and grandmother at a similar age. That being said, I have NO proof it is my sister. Only gut instinct and anecdotal evidence. No proof makes me nervous.
I wrote her an email a month and a half ago, then sent the same message via Facebook messenger. My message was focused on her possibly being my sister. Nothing about my niece. Unfortunately, she did not respond. A few weeks ago I asked a close friend that knows her husband to reach out. The husband was not under the impression that she was adopted, but promised to call my friend back after speaking with her. He did not call back. No response. I regret reaching out via her husband, but can't take it back now. A strong desire to help my niece and curiosity went against my better judgement. Ugh.
Any insights or suggestions for how to connect or even validate she is my sister? I completely understand she has been through a lot. I do not want to upset her. I'd be honored to help answer questions about what I know related to her background. I would also be honored to help my niece and sister connect if they want. But this is a tricky situation.
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