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This is going to be long so I apologize. But I need to know if anyone has been through something similar..
I have two step kids that my husband has full legal and physical custody over. They were 4 years old and 11 months old when my husband divorced their birth mother. She had mental illnesses and drug problems. She hasn't seen them since 2012. We started talking about me adopting them since we've been married for 6 years now. The kids are 11 yrs and 7 yrs old now. We were directed by an attorney that we had to reach out to the birth mother to see if she would voluntarily terminate her parental rights. We didnt think we would even get a response.
Tonight she responded. She thought since she didn't have any custody, she didnt have her parental rights. She says they are her kids and we are welcome to take her to court...my husband started talking with her and we came up with an idea.
We thought about making a deal with her that if she voluntarily signs over her rights, we would let her see the kids like twice a month. We want to make sure that if something happens to my husband, I will have rights over them since I've been raising them. The birth mother is considering this deal if she can see them first. I think she wants to make sure this is what they want, which it is. Now I'm getting worried about the kids and how this will affect them and my relationship with them. My oldest barely remembers the birth mother but my 7 yr old has no clue who she is and doesn't remember her at all...
I'm starting to think we should have just taken her to court...but then I worry that it might get too messy and hurt the kids...we are looking at basically doing an open adoption and it would be our disgression when she sees them, how often, etc. We would also make sure that if at any point, the kids don't want to see her, they don't have to...
I am feeling so overwhelmed and not sure what to think....
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Hi Samantha- thanks for sharing. I think you and your husband have this in the bag. I hope the meeting went okay for you & the kids if you guys did end up meeting the bio mom.In my case, the bio dad has been making calls through out the years but never does anything to support my daughter. My husband has filed and we thought it would be easy until we found out he had to consent. After he found out that he had to consent, it went to his ego and went to court to file for custody of my daughter. He left since 2011 for an easier life then around 2015/2016, he decided to call every blue moon. In 2018, his calls were more frequent however my daughter didn’t have a relationship or bond with him. We are unsure of what our outcome will be but same as you, we wanted to do it to make sure that my husband would be able to have rights on my daughter if anything were to happen to me. He has been the only true dad she has known. Additionally it’s so that she would have the same rights as our daughter we had together. We are praying everyday that it works out in mine, my husband and daughter’s favor and I hope it works out for you all too!
This is going to be long so I apologize. But I need to know if anyone has been through something similar..I have two step kids that my husband has full legal and physical custody over. They were 4 years old and 11 months old when my husband divorced their birth mother. She had mental illnesses and drug problems. She hasn't seen them since 2012. We started talking about me adopting them since we've been married for 6 years now. The kids are 11 yrs and 7 yrs old now. We were directed by an attorney that we had to reach out to the birth mother to see if she would voluntarily terminate her parental rights. We didnt think we would even get a response. Tonight she responded. She thought since she didn't have any custody, she didnt have her parental rights. She says they are her kids and we are welcome to take her to court...my husband started talking with her and we came up with an idea.We thought about making a deal with her that if she voluntarily signs over her rights, we would let her see the kids like twice a month. We want to make sure that if something happens to my husband, I will have rights over them since I've been raising them. The birth mother is considering this deal if she can see them first. I think she wants to make sure this is what they want, which it is. Now I'm getting worried about the kids and how this will affect them and my relationship with them. My oldest barely remembers the birth mother but my 7 yr old has no clue who she is and doesn't remember her at all...I'm starting to think we should have just taken her to court...but then I worry that it might get too messy and hurt the kids...we are looking at basically doing an open adoption and it would be our disgression when she sees them, how often, etc. We would also make sure that if at any point, the kids don't want to see her, they don't have to...I am feeling so overwhelmed and not sure what to think....
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