Looking for some words of wisdom regarding what may become an issue with a boy we are looking to adopt.
Back story. My wife and I have 4 biological daughters, ages, 5, 4, 3, & 2. We have brought in a sibling group that we are working towards adoption on. The boy is the youngest at 9 and the oldest is a 12 year old girl. They have been with us for 6 months essentially but we have known them for almost 2 years as their previous foster family was my wife's brother and sister-in-law.
We had been having a problem with the boy being dishonest and having trouble listening which would lead to consequences and that resulted in self negativity. We have improved on this and are working in a positive direction. However, after having some conversations with him he has mentioned he simply does not like me, mainly because I make him follow the rules and give consequences. But last night we had another conversation because he wanted to talk after everyone went to bed in private. He mentioned he wanted to delay the adoption, which the time frame is set for the end of Feb., due to being the only boy in the house (this was mentioned as a positive previously by him), certain people don't always have time to play with him (My wife and I) (background: he struggles to be able to play by himself and is always asking someone to play with him or he just ends up standing around or sitting doing nothing), he mentioned are rules are to strict because he can't have a phone, he mentioned we don't allow him to do extracurricular activities when he feels he should get to do as many as he wants (no opportunities have been present for him but even if they were his behavior lately would have had those opportunities taken away due to consequences) and he said he wants a dad that is not me. He listed off what his ideal dad was and it basically was someone who always played with him and did everything he wanted to do. But he did feel the need to mention a few times how he either didn't like me or that he didn't want a dad like me yet approx. 1 hour before this conversation he says he loves me.
The boy did bring up, when talking about what kid of dad he wanted, that is bio dad has been in and out of jail multiple times and has not been a part of his life. Perhaps to much on my part, but I made note that isn't is better to have a dad that may not be ideal instead of no dad at all. He did not have any reaction to that and merely moved on as if he was in a position to pick and choose who he wanted. I feel he has a sense of entitlement and selfishness when we have 5 other kids in the house.
These kids were only in 1 foster home prior to us and they were there 1.5 years. They had no interest in adopting them and we were the only ones that expressed interest that were approved by DHS for placement. We are currently doing individual therapy for him and his sister, as well as, behavioral therapy.
I am getting to the point where I am not sure how much more I want to deal with before I need to ensure my other kids are getting what they need. It has been a struggle some days to give everyone the attention they deserve. I am getting to the point where I am tired of putting the sibling groups needs ahead of my bio kids needs hoping to get them on the right track. I feel if I can't maintain a good balance I am doing harm to everyone and no good is being done.
I'm just wondering if anyone has any input or words of wisdom, it has just been bothering me and I needed to get this off my chest somewhere and hopefully you guys can understand the frustration. I have already talked about all of this with my wife and just hoping an outside eye from what we currently have could either shed new light or reinforce what others may be saying.