Advice encouraged and just wanted to get some stuff out

First: This is from other fost/adoptive parents. All of my children are adopted. Your bio children should be older than the children you fost/adopt. If a child is older, he/she can defend his/her self. As for what he wants vs. what you allow him: I think he's seeing how far he can push you. From experience: whatever you do, you have to follow through. The bio dad not being there: This is tough. the bio dad of my 2 youngest is incarcerated and a few years after they were placed with me, I allowed telephone calls and I would take them to see him. Some fost/adoptive kids have a "need" to know their bio family; others don't. Good luck!