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Originally Posted By AnnikaBeing a Swedish citizen having given birth to my son Adam in the Republic of Ireland nearly two years ago, I feel utterly lonely and lost in my own country as far as adoption issues go. I gave him up for an open adoption via PACT Ireland after an oral agreement between the adoption parents and myself on my visiting at least once a year (for Adam's birthday)in addition to photos that were to be sent to me on a regular basis. So far I have been over to visit once, for Adam's first birthday last year; I received nothing however from them for Christmas and despite my contacting the counselor responsible for the placement it seems as though the adoptive parents have decided to disown their own promises to me. I understand that I have no legal rights whatsoever as regards visiting rights etc. but one can't help to wonder how the adoptive parents can just ignore me and why the counselor, who should be acting in the child's best interest, remains as passive as she does?Annika
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Originally Posted By Kathleen SilberI think it is very sad that the adoptive parents have apparently "disowned" their promises to you in terms of openness. This happens frequently when adoptive parents have not gone through an education/counseling process at the time of the adoption to learn about open adoption and to assess their comfort level with it (and for the adoption agency to make that assessment, as well). Sometimes the adopting parents simply agree to openness in order to get a baby and then renege on their agreement as soon as the adoption is legally finalized. Birthparents are less likely to go through an experience such as yours if they work with an agency that provides extensive educational and assessment services for adoptive parents. This is, in fact, a birthparents best way to insure that the couple they have selected is truly comfortable with open adoption.However, in your situation I would still recommend enlisting the services of the counselor that facilitated your adoption. Although she/they cannot obviously force the adoptive parents to comply with the openness they agreed to, they have a moral responsibility to advocate for you and for the open adoption that you were promised. I would be insistent that they help you in re-negotiating your openness agreement with the couple. They may also be able to provide some educational services to the couple to help them open up. In addition, you might want to send the adoptive parents a book about open adoption to help them become more comfortable with it, such as one of my books "Children of Open Adoption" (which focuses on the questions and issues that children have at various stages related to adoption).You may also want to look into the enforceability of open adoption agreements in Ireland. In some places, reneging on an open adoption agreement would be considered fraud and you might have legal recourse in this matter, but I have no idea about the legalities related to adoption in Ireland.Best of luck!Regards,Kathleen Silber
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