I adopted my foster daughter then......

Originally Posted By Cie FritzI can relate to your story. I live in Iowa and have been a foster parent for over a year now. We had our first placement within days of completing our license. We advocated a lot for our foster children who had been in the system for their entire lives (3yrs and 5yrs old). We made it very apparent that we did not agree with the way things were going. The children then went back to their birth family and have come back into the system. In the mean time we adopted a little girl but have not had a placement since we rocked the boat. I hear this all the time.

Originally Posted By ChristinaLWe have had exactly zero calls for placements since our daughter was adopted last May. Our agency recommends one year for adjustment. Hang in there, they'll get desparate eventually.

Originally Posted By WendyThis does seem to happen. However, if we do not speak out on the system, who will? Even though I feel like I am banging my head against the wall, I have to think, how will the wall come down if we don't keep pounding away? The system has changed over the years, so just keep speaking out for the children. The children need us to speak out and advocate for them!

Originally Posted By CassiePaulsonHi there! I'm SOsorry to hear of your trouble. We are also in Illinois. We've had 2 great social workers and one that to call a 'nightmare' is not even bad enough. We experienced much of what you have with our adopted special needs daughter!! Later when we were not able to keep a placement (11 yr old boy who the caseworker LIED about !!firesetting!! in his background!!) She then told us if we did not keep him she would tell everyone in their office and we would never receive another placement. We were called 'uncommitted parents' by her and the therapist, even though we had successfully worked with our daughter and her therapist for COUNTLESS months on her issues. Not being at all shy I went to her supervisor, who did nothing until I kept going up the ladder. We got a verbal apology from the supervisor but the caseworker got no sanctions for lying about the child's background. We did however receive our sib group a month later through another caseworker, and their adoption will be final soon! YEAH! However, each caseworker choses who they will call...and the 1st one will never call us again! This was an 8+ week ordeal for us, and I know how stressful it can be. Be blunt, speak of your concerns, and don't back down. Sadly, when good parents quit or give up it's the children who get hurt. Hang in there! And if you think they are being retaliatory...sadly you may be right. Step up for yourself and hopefully it will all work out in the end.Take care...

Originally Posted By J.FORDWE ARE IN THE PROCESS OF ADOPTING ORE DAUGHTER, AND WE HAD ANOTHER CALL ON SEPT.11TH TO TAKE IN A BABY, WE GOT ANOTHER CRIB AND GOT READY AND THE SAID THAT MOM WAS GETTING ANOTHER CHANCE. THEN THE STATE CALLED ASKED IF WE STILL WANTED HER AND WE SAID YES. ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT THEY PLACED HER WITH ANOTHER ADOPTIVE HOME. BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T THINK WE WNATED TO MESS WITH 2 ADOPTIONS AT THE SAME TIME. BUT WE STILL GET CALLS FOR FOSTER PLACEMENTS AND ADOPTIVE PLACEMENTS. SO HANG IN THERE IT DOES GET BETTER. AND THEY TOLD US TO WAIT A YEAR OR SO BEFORE WE BRING ANYMORE CHILDREN IN OUR HOME.

Sorry to hear about all of your troubles. We live in WV and it isn't much better here. My husband and I have been approved to adopt for three years now after the first year we decided we would try to do the foster/adoptive we got our first placement the day we signed our papers we kept these girls aprox 2 months and they went back to their father we put ourselves on hold for two months once we were back on the list is took another year and a half before we got our next placement which only lasted 5 days and then we got another little girl about 3 months later that placement lasted a week. We have inquired about several children on the website through our worker including several in our home state and we can't get people to return our calls or even let us know if the children we have gotten info on have even been placed. We have about had it with the whole process everyone at least here in WV talk about how desperate the states are for foster/adoptive parents well after our experience we think that is a bunch of bull because they don't want to place these children for adoption they just want to keep the in the system and pass them around forever they can't be to desperate we have been on the list for 2 years as foster/adoptive and a total of 3 for adoption and have only had 3 placements for a total of 75 days which happened to be 1 1/2 years apart. they don't make the little girls that are having all these babies take parenting classes but they make the people who actually want these children go through hoops to get them with very little support at least here. Sorry to sound so negative but after 3 years I'm ready to just call it quits and be the aunt in the family that just takes care of everyone elses kids and not have any to call me mommy.:mad:

We really feel for you, having been there. It took us a long time to get anyone to look at us for adoption. Then we became foster parents to adopt. We tried to go through an agency and were told we were too old for a newborn at 34 and 35 years!! Now, 12 years later we have 7 children, 1 private adoption, 3 state adoptions, and one soon to be foster to adopt child. We managed to have a "miracle biological child" in there. The doctors told us if we conceived on our own it would be a miracle. I also had a child by a previous relationship-my husband adopted her. We have five wonderful children under six years old and two independent 18 year olds. It has not been easy with the roller coaster of foster care, adoption and infertility. But you just have to hang in there. I even offered to type our homestudy because it took so long (1 1/2 years). Take care-Deb

My husband and I found out a child within our family (but not blood related) was being sexually abused by another child (blood related) living in the same household. We told the grandparent who had custody and she brushed it off and told us to mind our own business. We of course called the police which called DHR in. The night the child was taken, they also took the child doing the abuse and put him in a facility. Another child in the home(blood related) that was not involved in any of it was also taken. The DHR caseworker asked us if we would be willing to take the two boys and we said yes. A month went by without seeing the two boys and DHR would not even return our calls. We left numerous messages but nothing. One night out of the blue, the DHR caseworker called us and said that the boy who was sexually abused has made advances to a child that was in the same foster home. She told us to come and get him so we did. We were told nothing and still, no return calls. We "insisted" on someone at DHR to talk to us. Now, they apparantly broke the law by putting the child with us? So, we have to be foster parents to keep this child. We have been through hell with DHR. They are treating us as if we are the negligent parents. We cant even see our biological nephew who is in a foster home across town but we have the child that is not related to us. This has been a nightmare! When we complain about anything...believe me we pay for it. Now, we have met all the criteria to be foster parents except the classes which we were to start tonight. The classes were cancelled but no one from DHR called to let us know. Visitation is every week with the neglagent grandparent, she calls DHR to cancel and they dont call us to tell us its been cancelled! DHR treats the negligent parent with respect and compassion but we are ignored and worse treated badly. How can this be happening?

I'm a new foster parent, just received my licensing last week. I've been trying to foster to adopt for one year and a half. I adopted a child in CHicago years ago, it was much better, I live in Florida now, and I'm trying to adopt a baby girl, and no one has called me for a placement, how long did it take before you recieved a call for a placement?

and we just finalized the adoption of my foster daughter - JUST last week we had a home visit with the licensing worker from Catholic Charities (no problems with them - so far (almost 3 years now) - and she is the one who suggested to us that we be RESPITE foster parents........... I do not know if you are with an agency or with the state directly - but if you are inclined - check them out.

Alright I wanted to keep this part of my situation off the boards but I had to put it out there when I saw this post. Last year the FFA that I was going through didn't provide ANY services... I'll recap - just a FEW of the many problems that we had - all of which I was discussing with the country SW. 1. no therapy for months at a time, then when it was provided the women played scrabble with my 5 year old for about 20 minutes - he only knew 8 letters of the alphabet at that time. 2. no respite care - ever. 3. they wanted his visits with bmom cancelled before they had ever met her, my child, or supervised a visit (and no the documentation from previous visits didn't sound like they should be stopped at that time.) 4. they wanted my son medicated before they ever met him (again his documentation didn't warrent this) it turned out if he was medicated that he would APPEAR to be doing better so the therapy would APPEAR to be working - so basically cover up the problem instead of working on it. 5. one of the workers was suppose to spend 15 HOURS a week with my son - he would show up for MAYBE 2 hours a week if I was lucky and that's IF he showed up at all.... then he LOST MY SON in a BAD part of town... Before this he had also fed my son food that I'd asked him not to give him (candy, slurpees ect since my son shouldn't eat a lot of sugar), took him to a pawn shop and to get his car washed (basically ran his own errands while my son was with him), and took naps in his car while my son was inside a rec center that he wasn't even a member of. 6. Weekly SW visits from the FFA took place maybe once a month, we went 6 weeks without seeing ANYONE. They changed our SW FOUR times in 8 months because someone quit, someone got sick, someone was too old for my son, and someone's mom died... We went back and forth from one SW to someone else and then back to the first one - and even with all this we still didn't see a SW for weeks at a time. Yes I rocked the boat, but everything that happen I spoke with the county worker first about. Finally at a meeting the county worker asked them how I should go about filing a grivence (spelling sorry!) and they REMOVED MY SON 2 DAYS LATER. They had NO reason to remove him - he had made HUGE strides since being placed with me and had finally established his first attachment/bond with SOMEONE - he had never done this in his 5 years of life. This was all documented. Unfortunately while the county worker knew this all - he didn't want to cause problems with the FFA because he was new as well and I didn't want to have tension if he had kids with them later... So I had to hire an attorney to get my son back. He's back now and we should be starting the adoption process in 3 months. Side Note - another mother I knew also rocked the boat recently and she too does not have any kids placed with her anymore. We've since been told the organization is being investigated. ALSO - my attorney has since found out that the county workers don't like dealing with this (small) FFA and the court workers also have had problems with them. SOOOO yes - if you rock the boat - especially if you eventually have to go over their heads to get the help your child deserves and the state is already paying for - they will do whatever it takes to not work with you anymore - even if that means hurting a child.

OMG!!! That is so hideous! My heart sank when I read they removed your son. I teared up when you got him back. That worker should be fired and shot! I hope things get better.