do birthparents really not care ?

I can't speak for all b'parents but, as a birthmother, I do care about the son I gave birth to. There is barely a day that goes by that I don't think about him or how he's turned out. He's going on 26.

Frist it is sad that a b parent wouldnt want to see thier child.That is pretty sad and says alot about your birth parents.But if you look at it the other way if they feel that way you are better off being with a family that really loves you and removed you from a life of sorrow you might of had with your b parents. Secondly not all states have open records washington is one that is sealed.That makes it very hard to reconnect for the B parents.I would hope that is the case in your Bparents case and not that they don't care. It has taken me 30 years to find the B mom of my son now we can move on to finding him. Hope your search turns out good,it just takes time,,,lots of it sometimes.Good Luck!!!!!:)

I think most b-moms do care but for some reason choose not to look. Like letting husband know about her past, lack of money, ect. Or the worst case, she has passed. I used to feel that way and for that reason never chose to search her out. I was angry for years but then, a little over a month ago I recieved a letter from a licensed search agent saying my birth aunt would like to reunite with me. That is when it dawned on me that my bmom was gone. Well I eagerly aggreed to re-unite with her and boy was I in for a surprise. Exactly one week later I was at a family reunion with my birth family and they welcomed me into the family. In some strange way I am grieving my mom being gone but my aunts and uncle have done there very best to fill me in about her. They have even given me her baby book and countless pictures of her. My case unfortunately was that she had been killed in a car acdicent a few years after I was born/adopted. The one thing I learned was that she did care. My aunt told me that my bmom cried every night for months after I was born and even after that she cried on my birth day. I also learned that the reason they waited so linfg to try and find me is that my B-grandfather made them all promise to never try and and find me. He was severly heartbroken and crushed that they had to give up thier first gandchild for adoption but there was no alternitive and that id how he delt with it, but he is gon now and my aunt said she couldn't let it go one more day. So just because you have not been found does not mean she does not care. May GOD Bless you richly

:D b mom and i are writing letters to see if he wants to meet us.the ball is rolling aftre 30 years!

Congrats Terry and Newly found!!! You are VERY lucky the system worked for you! Enjoy getting to know your loved ones.

In my experiance I learned that my B-mom did care....whole lot, she wondered all her life about all the children she had adopted out 10 to be exact. The number one thing I remember from the reunion of my Birth Mother and I was that she was very afriad of what I would think of her. She explained that she wanted to find us several times in the past but feared she would be hated by her children. My birth mom cares, and I am sure other Birth Parents care too! Like I said fear was my b-moms hinderance. Fortunately, she learned through experiance with uniting face to face with 2 of her children myself and my sister, and speaking over the phone with 3 other of her children...she learned that we love her regardless of her current or past curcumstances. I am ever grateful for her. My birth Mom had 12 children total...I am currently searching for the remaining children that were adopted out over the past years, I pray we will find them...We know that 2 of the children past away 1 at 1 month old the other at 12 years old. 2 lived with her, and 6 were adopted into one family (the 12 year old who died was adopted by the adopted family), I search for the final 3 children missing......2 are older than I, and then theres the one that is younger. I hope we all find our loved ones I know I look forward to the day that all of my bio mothers living children will stand in the room before her what a glorious day that will be for her wow... I can only imagine. Best wishes to all....MJ Lackman

After 29 years I was reunited with my son. Before I found him I found his mom. She had been waiting for the day that she got to see him again, he was her only son. She listed herself in several adoptions places to make it easier for our son to find her. To no avail. She was afraid he might not know he was adopted and didn't want to hurt him even though she herself was hurting from the day she gave him up. It is a big step for a birth parent,there is risk with this step. But it is a step worth taking I know. The risk is breaking someones heart bursting thier bubble of what they think thier life is,finding a past they might not know they had. All things a parent weights heavy before they take that step. There is that fright of what if they don't know and you ruin thier life and they don't want to see you.The very worst is that they hate you.I think the odds that your birth parents care is very high. My sons birth mom was afraid to move on it untill I contacted her and she prayed for 29 years. So sometimes it takes awhile. Her reward was he lives 50 miles away and they see each other every weekend now. Both very happy. Me i have a lot farther to go but I am looking forward to it. I hitchhiked from Seattle to Los Angeles 3 times in the army,and did it in 30 hours each time. Now I have a corvette and it will be alot faster and warmer LOL just this time I will be headed north.

As a b mom. I didn't want to disrupt his life. I felt that the day I signed those papers I gave up all rights. Also, I'm afraid. Did I do the right thing? You don't even know if they're alive. What if they don't know? Do they want to know you? Sherry

I am sure they want to know,even if they don't know yet the time will come when they do. that would led to a lifetime of not ever knowing and wondering forever. If it was me I would want to know who brought me into this world. Who was the one who loved me enough to let me live. You will be so happy when you are reunited I am sure. My sons sister was sad all the time never smiled he said,,,,till the day she met her b mom. she has been smiling and happy ever since,what a wonderful gift to give your child. terry

That's why I started searching. I didn't want a lifetime of not knowing. Also, I didn't want my son to think I didn't care. Sherry

Hi i hope this helps. Most birthparents think there birthchildren do not want to her from them. they think it will interup the lives the children have now. I can not speck for your birthparents but most of us are scared to intrued.

First off, I am not an adoptee nor a parent, however for the past decade I have been searching for my closest best friend's birth siblings. She had a wonderful life and parents and turned out well. Her only regret was being an only child. Then we went and got her adoption papers. In TX a judge signed off then Buckner released them, the judge is PRO open records, so lucky there. If adopted out of Dallas TX email and I shall share the judges name, I think he is still there. Nevertheless she found out she has siblings, half and full and was thrilled. If only I had the time I have now to devote then maybe I would have found them a decade ago...maybe.. However the records were very detailed about the family. Both her birth parents, as well as the BF of the half sibs, drank a lot...admitted to being alcoholics and ** wasn't emotionally able to raise children. She had a past of nervousness, depression, and such as well as the BGM too. That does NOT make her a bad person, nor the fathers either BECAUSE they KNEW the only chance the kids could have to have a life that was more than they could give was to give them up. They moved around a lot, etc. I have contacted the birth mother, exchanged letter since she doesn't have a phone in the assisted living home and her first letter came last Tue. It was short but she said she enjoyed my letter. I had told her some about Rushell, the childhood she had, type of person she grew into, high GPA in college, etc as well as a wonderful husband she has and their 2 year old son. Would she had the opportunities she had if she were not adopted out? How would she had turned out being with parents who self admitted to drinking and emotional issues? It was not a question of did her birth parents care of not, nor can anyone answer that but them but in my friends records there was one little sentence that was a clue to the fact they DID care. They wanted their child not just placed in a home but with a family; they wanted stability and chances for her. In the ** letter, it may have been short but she did state she wanted her kids to have a life, felt she could not give them a proper one. Yes when she divorced the half siblings were taken by WA because neither parent were able to provide. ** was hospitalized for a year so back then it went against her and the BF could not provide a stable home, he moved around working. The fact is though the adoptive parents WANTED a child and in most cases did right by them...yes there are horror stories out there in all areas. My heart goes out to them... In my searches I have read a LOT plus know of acquaintances who have given up their children. There are so many factors that are involved, whether the child was conceived in love or if the 'act' is a nightmare for the mother due to other reasons. Whatever happened do NOT allow it to affect who you are as a person. Then there are stories of birth parents not wanting to have anything to do with them. Maybe it was a time when being single was looked down upon if pregnant. Maybe they were young, maybe.... unless you do know the circumstances of back then please do not feel down or assume how they feel until you learn. Just be glad and thankful they did not abort you! They chose to give birth to you even if they did not raise you. Parents are the ones who raise you whether you have their bloodline or not, same with who family are, in my humble opinion and my family too. I have nieces and nephews who do not share our bloodline but ARE a part of us no matter what their name is or who their seed came from. Everyone is a whole person whether you have your birth family or not so please do not set yourself up for disappointment. Keep an open mind. No I do not know that emptiness felt but I do know a lot who do. My neighbor was 15 when she was pregnant with her son. Luckily it was an open adoption so there were letters and pictures shared through the years until about 5-6 years ago... Her son just turned 18, she gave me the information of adopted parents, I called, and reason for no contact was his teenage years he got into some things and she didn't want the ** to hear just bad news. The son is ready to meet his ** and the AM had me give her their new information to write to him. Yes most experiences with those I know have been fortunate however I do know of others that it was not... MAIN thing I am trying to say is, you are a person who is loved whether good or bad experiences. Think highly of yourself no matter what. Please do not allow the past to affect who you are and if you do not know what happened back then wait until you learn before letting your mind think badly. I am sure there are a few who want to blast me and such...if venting makes you feel better then fine. It is healthy to feel the feelings you feel and it is healthy to vent. I do NOT pretend to KNOW how you feel because I do not. Nor is everyone the same in that regards. However I do know this by those around me and my life's experiences with others. NO matter what the circumstances, no matter if birth parents are found, you ARE a person who is loved; look around to those who are close to you. Remember whether or not you 'find' your birth family or not, don't ever assume, wait until you learn the facts. If you do encounter birth parents who want no contact try to just tell them thank you for life then be thankful of the family that you have.... Rushell only wanted to say thank you to her birth parents but if they want to connect, as a friendship, then she is okay with that as well. However I am hoping I find all of her siblings. It seems, maybe because of back then, the families did not even know about most of the children......I am a friend to all and want to help anyone I can and if cannot then help direct them to one who can......

You know, we just can't say what was going through our parents heads at that time...I was taken away..Mom could take care of my brother and I..she was married before I came along..where was he??...why didn't he or his family help out? we can not harbor feelings of anger and hurt, there might be a very good reason for things happening the way they did. Until we walk that proverbial mile in their shoes..we can't throw stones. I'm sure they wonder every day how you are..where you are...are you ok? Maybe they were told they couldn't look for you...I heard one lady say she was told she would go to jail if she tried to find her child. Just keep the faith...one day you too will know the answers you seek. Ohhh that was deep even for me. Ravyn

I have a hunch that he turned out very well so far, and that you did a wonderful thing.

He found me. And I am so blessed in that he actually wants to know me. His parents are awesome in that they raised him to know that I wanted him, but was unable to take care of him. This last Christmas was the best I've had in over 30 years. The hole in my heart has been filled.