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I have asked this question on a couple of boards that I thought might be applicable.
I am a single mom of a 2 1/2 year old boy and am turning 40 this year. I am financially stable and would like to parent a girl. I had a difficult pregnancy (very risky to my health) and am considering domestic adoption. Because I don't like to travel, and I don't want to leave my son with my folks at this age, I felt adoption in the U.S. might be an alternative.
My mother asked me why a birthmom would consider a single parent for her child when there are many childless couples looking to adopt. I couldn't really answer her question, so, I was hoping for feedback out there from either other singles, other adoptive parents, or birthmoms.
Are there a number of birthmoms that would place with a single parent?
P.S. I know of 3 women who adopted biracial or AA infants domestically. They were told different things: one birthmom came from a family with no father, one wasn't given a reason why she was chosen, and another was placed with a baby that was relinquished at the hospital--the birthmother didn't want to be involved with choosing adoptive parents.
They were also told very different things about how long their wait may be for a child.
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I'm not a birthmom; but an adoptive mom---six times over (and anxiously waiting for a seventh). While I personally feel that a two parent family is wonderful........I know MANY two parent families that are horrible. I also know that any woman or man who can already parent a child by themselves, is usually a very strong and committed person; and I also know that any single man or woman who is parenting a child/children.....and is wanting to adopt more.....has got to be incredibly committed to kids and the long-term of life!
We all know that adoption is a horribly rough road; that it isn't fair; that it carries a lot of risk and joy; and that there are a lot of flaws to it.
But.......most of us also know that love and committment comes in many different packages...and that there is a bond with adoption that supercedes any other.
You wonder why any birthmom would choose a single parent? Because she sees, in her eyes and her heart, that a particular single parent cares more for her children, than herself. She sees the commitment. She probably often knows too, that there were a lot of famous people--successful people who were raised by one parent. My only concern for single parents, is the extra stress that must fall on one person; but, I know of very good single parents. With a good support system, they are up to the challenge, and they do very well.
Sincerely,
Linny
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I really appreciate your response. It was encouraging.
Actually, I do love being a mom. In order to have my son, I went through a year of infertility treatment: surgery, tests, inseminations, ovarian hyperstim (hospitalized with rupturing cysts while I was pregnant) that nearly caused me to have a stroke from blood loss, etc. I also had preterm labor and was hospitalized (monitored) for about 8 hours for that. I could go on.
It was an eventful pregnancy, but worth everything I went to in order to have a child. I was intimidated by adoption back then, but feel that it would be the best and safest way for me to have a child. Also, I belong to a single mom's group with many women who have adopted and can tell that they love their children and have bonded with them just as fiercely as those of us moms who had our children (through medical intervention or person relationships).
Yes, I definately love being a mom. It's the best thing I've ever done. And, I've learned to prioritize and not worry about the little things that don't get done, the house not being perfect, etc. I think having two kids would be great!
Mary, mom to Sam 2 1/2 years old.
I'm a birthmom.
Personally, I don't think it much matters whether you choose a one- or two-parent family. In this day and age, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. I've never read any statistics that indicate that the divorce rate among adoptive couples is any lower than that of the general population.
A single adoptive parent might marry later, and would then no longer be single. A married adoptive parent might divorce later, and would then be a single adoptive parent.
There aren't any guarantees in this life. I believe it's important to choose the right adoptive parent/ parents when you are considering placing your child. But what makes a potential a-parent "right" is relative... opinions vary from bmom to bmom, as far is what qualities they are looking for when they choose adoptive parents. For me, finding the right parents for my child had much more to do with their personal characteristics (income, or at least future earning potential, was also a factor) and their personal beliefs about raising children, rather than an outside variable like whether or not they are married, which is a condition that is statistically likely to change anyway before the child reaches adulthood.
I also believe, on the basis of many posts I've read on this forum, that many single-parent adoptions are not traditional "stranger adoptions". It seems like with single-parent adoptions, the adoptive parent and the birthparents are much more likely to have been acquainted in some way beforehand.
Just my thoughts.
~ Sharon
I am a single adoptive mom! I just wanted to thank all of you for the wonderful encouragement that you have given other single parents.. I think that being a single mom is wonderful and would love some day to be married.. My daughter is everything to me!! I wish there were more people out there that thought like all of you!!