Lessons Learned

Originally Posted By MariaHi Dee,I was sorry to hear of your experience; unfortunately this seems to be occurring more and more.The couple said their names were Joe and Jamie, as we look back now we realize how elusive they were. In truth, we dont even know if Joe and Jamie are truly their names. They never really told us their last names or address, they just wanted us to fly to Lansing, Michigan. They would give us more information once we signed the ғPre-placement Agreement. The agreement is a guide so that both parties have an understanding of how they want the adoption process to go and what expenses need to paid. This is just an agreement and is not a legal or binding agreement, in many states either party can change their minds at any time. Technically if you give the birth parents money at anytime prior to the birth of the baby this money is called ԓa gift if they walk away or find another family, you loose your money with no way of getting it back. Check with the attorneyԒs in your home state and the birth families home state, many states have different policies regarding this subject.This couple wanted 60% of the money at the time of the signing of the Pre-placement Agreement then the remainder after the birth of the baby. Keep in mind that the money was for postpartum expensesӔ the baby wasnt even born and҅the pregnancy had not been verified. We agreed to send the money to their attorney to be kept in an escrow account to cover their postpartum expenses, by doing so they would see that we were committed to our part of the agreement, believe it or notthey still insisted on the money being paid up front which caused us (including our attorneys) a great concern so much that we chose to walk away. Think about it, were they motivated for money, did they ever intend to give us their baby or were they planning all along to take the money and run? For us it appeared that it was about money, after all we were the 14th couple they had spoken to and they turned us down even thought we were willing to give their attorney the money up front to cover their expenses.LotŒs of luck in your search and please be careful, as with everything the few bad guysӔ can cause an enormous amount of stress, which could affect your judgment and relationship with your future birth family. We have learned to trust our attorney who in turn keeps us grounded.Regardless of what we have been through we know that there are birth families who are truly motivated to give their child a great home and a wonderful loving family. It may take awhile for us, but when it happens we will be able to cherish our relationship with our birth family because it will be based on trust.Many Blessings,ShareRdream@yahoo.com