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Originally Posted By EmmaI found a family for my baby that I consider a perfect match for me, and I wanted to pass along some advice for other potential birthmoms who are looking for the right adoptive family.1)Think about your own childhood and what you considered good or bad about it. How would you want your child's upbringing to be different?2)What sort of values or ideals do you want your child to learn while growing up? Which families share those values?3)If you have found this board, then you obviously have internet access -- use it! Don't just settle for seeing a local agency's tiny list of families. Look online. There are tons of website listings of families who want to adopt. Google.com has an adoption directory that is full of good sites.4)Decide for yourself what qualifications the right family MUST have. For some it's a two-parent home, for others, it's a particular religion. Find those few things you won't negotiate on, and start there. For me, I really wanted a Protestant, two-parent, Southern family. Those three items narrowed my search considerably and saved me the time of browsing hundreds of additional sites.5)Don't be afraid to ask questions of the family. You have to feel comfortable in your match and your decision. 6)Some questions that I found helpful included:-What would you consider the ideal relationship for us to have AFTER the adoption is completed?-What do your family members/extended family think about your adoption plans? What do they think about open adoption?-How will you discipline your child? -How will explain adoption to him/her? At what age would you do this? What do you want to tell your child about his/her birthmother?-What type of education do you plan for your child -- public school, private school, religious school?-How devoutly religious are you? What sort of religious beliefs do you want to pass on to your child?-What sort of things to you envision yourself doing with your child? (I liked this one because it gave me an idea of whether the family was just thinking about a baby, or had plans through the teen years, whether they were the type who'd plan a lot of extracurricular activities and whether they had a lot of set gender ideas like 'my daughter will take ballet classes.')There are tons more questions that I could add, but you get the idea.7)Get to know the families you like at your own pace. Don't feel like you have to meet with them if you are not ready. We e-mailed for a long time before I called them. And we talked for a while before we met.8)Trust your instincts! If you are considering a particular family and something just doesn't seem right, don't match with them. Likewise, if you get to know one family, and you know in your heart they are absolutely what you are looking for -- then go for it! I ended up having to choose between TWO families that I considered perfect for me. With each one, when I saw their website, I thought they were fabulous. I immediately narrowed my choices down to those two.9)Do not match with a family until you are absolutely sure they are the right family for your baby. If you need to meet them first, meet them and let them know that your meeting each other does not mean you are committing to them, but you do need to make sure your decision is right. I have heard of some birthmoms actually visiting the family at their home. I didn't, but I did ask to see photos of their house, including the baby's room, before we were matched. Afterwards, they sent me a video of their home, family and neighborhood.10) Don't be afraid to change your mind. If you decide before you sign the papers that this is not the right family or that you don't want to place your baby, that is your right. Their agency or attorney should have already explained this to them. If you've matched and the situation changes so that the family is no longer right for you, it's okay to change your mind. You have to do what is best for you and for your baby.Sorry this is so long, but I think that once a decision is made to choose adoption, selecting a family is the most important decision to make! I wish everyone lots of luck in their searches. If any other birthmoms want to chat with me, my e-mail is louisianabebe@yahoo.com-Emma
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