Birthmom Desperately Needs Any Words of Comfort

Stacy, ((hugs)) I am sorry you are hurting. Keep after the adoption agency to let you know if the aparents get a PO Box set up. And you can also give your contact information to the agency, to pass on to the aparents. Hopefully, the agency would honor that request and indeed send it on. As far as reassurance about the aparents... Adoptive parents are required to attend classes on adoption, attachment, etc. Adoptive parents are also required to pass home studies. If they don't pass, they don't get to adopt. The home studies involve caseworkers visiting their home and making sure it's a safe place to raise a child. They also involve asking the adoptive parents extensive questions about their lives, their backgrounds, their support network, why they want to adopt, whether they are really ready to be parents, and their beliefs about parenting. They also involve criminal background checks. And the aparents are required to submit references (usually non-family members) to state whether they think the aparents will be good parents. Finally, there is usually a doctor who signs off who says they are physically capable of raising a child. Finally, once children are placed with adoptive parents, caseworkers make follow-up visits to the home to make sure everything is going ok, before the adoption can be finalized. That all sounds so cold and clinical, typing it out. I know it probably cannot compare to seeing them, knowing them, and seeing a picture of your kids growing up safe. But I hope it helps to know that there is some monitoring that goes on..... Your children are not just handed to anyone who simply raises their hand and says "I want to parent!" One other thing... from a more emotional level, about reassurance.... The fact that your kids' aparents were willing to adopt both children at once is a decent sign that they are good people. They didn't try to split up the kids, didn't try to break their biological bond, just because it would be easier on them to parent only one child at a time. I think that is a good sign... that they adopted both children. I hope they set up the PO box and let you know. Keep us updated. I am rooting for you. Nicole

i don't know if i have many words of comfort for you, but you and your children and thier family are in my thoughts. i adopted my son from the foster care system and am lucky enough to have a fully open adoption with his maternal birth side of the family. good luck to you.

Oh, and as for your question.... Agencies can usually give you some non-identifying info. So if they have told you, for example, that "the parents have two other kids are adopted who they love... they attend church every week...." etc., IMO, it's probably true. I can't see how it would benefit them to lie.

((((Stacy)))) I didn't use an adoption agency to adopt my son, and the other 4 are foster to adopts so I have nothing productive or informative to tell you. Just wanted to give you a hug. If the adoption has only been final two months than it might take a little time for them to get the PO Box set up. I never thought about this when my son was little since his adoption was closed, but I think that aparents, in their joy, sometimes forget that the bparents are anxious about getting that first contact. A bmom friend of mine once told me that if her update letters were even one day late she would start to panic. In the meantime the aparents probably weren't even thinking about how difficult it was for her to wait. Hopefully, they are just being self absorbed and they will set that up and contact you soon.

what agency D

I have nothing to offer but hugs and support if you need either.

thank you, you are so kind God Bless You Hugs back stacy62