LDS Question about adoption

According to what I was told while going through the approval process, the child will have access to the birthparents information (if the birthparents so chose) when he/she is 21 years old. Make certain that you have kept the agency updated on how to reach you and that you do chose to have contact with your daughter. I pray that "our birthmother" will chose to do that for our child. I want to tell you that I have a great deal of admiration for you. What a great sacrifice you made and I know it must have been difficult for you. I pray that your daughter will recognize that love and will search you out if that is your wish. I pray that her parents are secure enough to support her in that decision. irvy (waiting to be a mom)

According to what I was told while going through the approval process, the child will have access to the birthparents information (if the birthparents so chose) when he/she is 21 years old. Make certain that you have kept the agency updated on how to reach you and that you do chose to have contact with your daughter. I pray that "our birthmother" will chose to do that for our child. I want to tell you that I have a great deal of admiration for you. What a great sacrifice you made and I know it must have been difficult for you. I pray that your daughter will recognize that love and will search you out if that is your wish. I pray that her parents are secure enough to support her in that decision. irvy (waiting to be a mom)

It's comforting to know that there are good people out there. I wanted to thank you for your information... I pray everyday that my child is with a loving family and that she is provided with the support, guidance, and a sense of security. I pray that the Lord fills her heart with love. I pray for the day that I am able to introduce her to her 2 brothers and sister. I pray for the day that my heart quits aching, the void is filled and the tears of sadness and lonelyness turns into tears of joy. Thank you for taking time out and posting and good luck to you. birth mom Lorie

UPDATE IN THE BODY OF THE ORGINAL THREAD Thank you Lorie

do the lds believe in open adoption? I am not lds thats why I am asking. I will be a birthmom. I want to keep my options open with people of a different religion than me. but I want to make sure the different religions believe in open adoption first.

I really don't know the answer to your question. Back in the day that was not an option. I don't know what changes they have made but you could definately look into that...it wouldn't hurt. Good Luck Birth Mom Lorie I can ask my mother for you if you would like or do some research I would be willing to do that for youl. Just let me know

As far as LDS Family Services "believing" in open adoption, my husband and I are waiting to be chosen by a birthmother as adoptive parents. We were certified here in Arizona this past January and every time the phone rings, I say a little prayer that it might be our social worker telling us we've been chosen. That hasn't happened yet. What we were told about the communication between the birthmother and the adopted child and adoptive parents, is for the first 3 years we are to send the birthmother pictures of the baby. After 3 years the baby becomes too identifiable so it is "advised" not to send pictures, but that is something that can be decided between the birthmother and the adoptive parents. Also for the first 3 years all letters and gifts are sent through the agency and then on to the birthmother or adoptive parents. After that it's decided again by the birthmother and adoptive parents whether to continue to send them through the agency or not. It's really up to the adoptive parents and the birthmother to decide on any and all communicaton between each other.

I really felt excited to join in on this discussion with BM Lori (Hello!) You know it was just tonight that my 6 year old son pulled a large scrapbook off my shelf in my closet with his name on it and wanted to look through it. It was filled with letters between me and his birthmother. I told him that he could look thru it for now but we would read it together when he was a little bit older. He wanted to see it cause it has his name on it and it is the most beautiful scrapbook out of all of them (besides his brothers is beautiful too!) Our two sons (both adopted thru LDS Family Services) have always known that they came to us in answer to ours and their birthparents prayers. We felt very fortunate to be able to meet both of their birthmothers and (grand)parents and were actually chosen by them to be our sons' parents. We know each others first names but not last names or where we live or work, etc. I'm pretty sure that is standard now within the church. I think we took our sons pictures at the Kiddie Kandids photo studio 10 times within the first year so our birthmoms had a nice clear picture plus a ton of snapshots. With our first son, we could send pictures for the first 12 months with letters, etc. and then after that it is a letter each year on his birthday. Our second son's adoption was different in the way that we still got to send pictures and letters up to 12 months, but we also got to send one photo along with his 2nd and 3rd birthday letters AND we also got to have a picture of his birthmom in the hospital holding him and a seperate photo of his birthdad for him. Our sons are 19 months apart so things had changed within the 19 months for those differences. I know that all the adoptive parents that I know have an intense passionate place in their hearts for their children's birthmothers. I'm sure that with each placement and situation that not all meet each other or perhaps don't send as many pictures or letters but it is really up to the birthparents and adoptive parents. I'm really not even sure that now with our sons being 6 and 4 years old that they even "screen" the letters we send. I so badly want our sons to be able to meet their birthmom and dads that I really have to step back and see what they want to do and their birthmoms. That's whats so great about the Registry. It is much easier to connect. I was told that at the age of 18 years old they can sign it but both adoptive child and birthmoms or dads need to sign the Registry to have the contact information. Semi open adoptions are the most popular now because they protect privacy but also allow for openness in what really counts...face to face meeting and photos and letters as the child get older but both parties are allowed to live their lives without alot of complications. When ever I meet a BM, I just honor and cherish her for her decision because I know and my family knows what great love and sacrifice goes into making such a selfless decision for this child. In my opinion, they are apart of our family either way. Lots of love to you! Patty

I'm glad to hear things have changed since 86. I am so happy for you and your family. You seem like a really nice family just like a lot of other Afamilies out here that I have read about. It gives me peace of mind to know that there is a good chance that my daughter is with a family such as yours. I hope... Trust in the Worker and Faith in God is all I have which I have said many times and only time will tell...the day will soon be here and my mind will be at ease. Thank you for sharing your story I was told by the worker that the children are to be raised from the craddle up that they are bless with two sets of parents you are doing a wonderful job by doing that with your children. It's very important that the children know so when the time comes they have that choice. Thank you again Birth Mom Lorie

jUST TO TELL YOU THAT i GAVE UP MY SON IN 1976. tHEIR IS NO CONTACT . tHERE IS NO LETTERS GIVING TO HIM. tHEIR IS NO NON-IDENTIFICATION INFORMATION. tHE BISHOPS, THE MEMBERS, THE SOCIAL SERVICE. tHEY DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ME ONCE i GAVE HIM UP. tHEY ALL COVERED UP THE DETAILS STILL TODAY. i WAS EXCOMUNICATED. aND NEVER FORGIVEN FOR MY SINS. aND THAT'S MY TRUE STORY. rOXY

Roxanne, I am so sorry things were so aweful back then in adoption...LDS and otherwise! I am so glad things have changed...the church is starting more open adoptions, which is so much better for everyone involved. I hope and pray that you will be able to find some peace through all of this. As far as the excommunication thing, I'd bet that your bishop just didn't have a clue how to handle it and things weren't done quite right. If it's important to you, look up your local bishop and work it out. Peace, Pam

Your day will come!! It is the most wonderful feeling in the world when you know they are doing well. When I saw my bdaughter's picture for the first time, the hole in my heart after nineteen LONG years began to heal. It truly is an amazing experience. I told her bmom, if I died today I would be fulfilled. Just seeing her precious face, and knowing she is a healthy beautiful 19 year old young woman. Its is truly fantastic. Hang on to hope and your dreams will become a reality. :D spete

I'm sorry they treated you so bad. You know it got so bad for me that I requested to the bishop that he would excommunicate me...I definately understand your anger and pain...but like paman8 said things are changing. I would definately call the LDS Social services you went through and tell the worker who you are and your situation and update your information. I still to this day have resentment and anger towards the church for turning their backs on me but I know in my heart my daughter is with a good family. If you have any questions or want to pm I'm here...I'm sure we could relate on a lot of different issues. Birth Mom Lorie

That's awesome I had no clue they had a group for LDS birthmoms I'm going to definately check it out. Thanks for the info. Birth Mom Lorie

I know that day will come it will be here before I know it. I am so happy for you. I think a picture would great to see. I can't wait to experience those feelings you have.... Thank you Birth Mom Lorie