Do many adoptees feel like they are an outsider to their adopted families?

Yes, you may not treat him differently. But he might feel that way because his grief issues were not dealt with correctly as a child. PLUS, HE IS A TEENAGER. I was adopted when I was 9. My sister treated me just like a regular sister but my mom treated me differently than her. I didn't feel like I fit in because of that. Also foster care really messes with your head, I was in it for 4 years. You couldn't possibly image some of the things that happen. My brother was never adopted and went through the state since he was 2. He lived in regular foster families, boys homes, group homes... He is now a diagnosed sociopath. My little sister was 10 months old and adopted very quickly she is a perfectly normal happy collegge student. I think it has a lot to do with how old he was when he was adopted and the steps your parents took in helping him heal from that expierance.

Like you Dore and so many others I was adopted when I was 5 along with my adopted brother (he was 6 the time and from a different family than me). But we were adopted from a foreign country and could speak no Engish when we arrived in our new home in the middle of the night to meet our new parents and new biological sister. My whole life I was made to feel inferior by my adoptive family, like I was always on the outside looking in, just wanting to feel some of the warmth that my biological sister always seemed to have surrounding her, mostly by my mother tho. I know it must have been difficult for my adoptive family to deal with "these 2" as she used to say but she will never understand what we went through, how her verbal abuse affected me and still does to this day. As someone else said "you spend time with who and what you love" but the quality of that time is what is important. I can't wait to be with my birth family, even tho I was given up. Actually my birth mother gave me up 3 times starting when I was 3 and the third one took (3 times is not a charm!). I was told that the other 2 families gave me back because I cried so much (imagine that) but they from Greece, but that the third family was in the states so they kept me. I love reading all these messages, it does show me that we are all in this together, that my feelings matter.

I was taken home by my amom from the hospital. I never know anything else. But I never felt that I belonged, even before I found out that I was adopted. I was told that I never smiled. I never bonded with my adopted family. My councler told me that it is common for an adoptee not to bond. Also, I've had deprssion all of my life. The councler told me that I was eigher born with it or got it soon after. I was glad to find out I was adopted, to know that I was not part of THAT FAMILY!rayma

I can honestly relate to not bonding with my adoptive family, and it's not for lack of trying. I was very close to my adoptive Mother, but she recently passed away, and I have little or no contact with anyone else. I guess all the years of they're ridicule drove me away!! Sincerely, Brenda