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I am 42 years old and I have been searching for my birth mother for as long as I can remember.
When I was 8 years old I remember sitting on the front porch knowing, in my heart, that she was coming for me and I needed to be there when she came. She never did but I never gave up.
My birthday was Sunday (11/10) and I found my birthmother. However, it wasn't where I expected. I found her obituary on the internet. I know it's her because every bit of information that I had gathered over the years was confimed in the paragraph describing her life.
Over the course of my life my friends have always asked me what I would say to her if I had the chance. Without any hesitation, I would tell them that I would say: "Thanks Mom. Thank you for making the choice of life for me."
I bear no ill will for my mother because I'm sure that she did what she had to do. I had two older brothers at the time she made the choice to give me up for adoption and I found out in her obit that she had another son after me. I was the only daughter that she had.
I've spent every year of my life crying because I didn't know her, I will spend the rest of my life crying because she didn't know me. My only regret is that she died before I could tell her that I'm ok and she doesn't have to worry about me. She was 59.
I've spent so much of my life trying to find my mother that I don't know what to do now that the search has come to an end. I don't know if she told her family about me. I don't know if she told my brothers about me. I want to contact her surviving sister (the one I feel most likely to know about me) to find out the answers to some of the questions I've needed answered. I've always wondered what she would have named me, do I look like her? What is my family medical history? What is my heritage? I don't want to intrude on anyone's life, but if nothing else I would like to see what she looked like and get a picture of her.
I wish I knew more about her as a person, what made her smile, what made her laugh and what made her cry. I know she will never be able to tell me, but you can tell your children. I would encourage you to keep a diary for your children to let them know about you. It would mean so much to me if I contacted my mother's sister and she had that piece of her to share with me. I suppose I've rambled long enough and if you've stayed to the bitter end ... Thank you for choosing life for your children.
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Please, please contact the sister. The worst she can say is she never knew about you, but I'll bet she did. And I'll bet you'll be welcomed with open arms by both your aunt and your brothers.
You missed the chance to know your mother, don't miss the chance to know your brothers and your aunt.
If you aren't comfortable calling your aunt, have someone who is experienced with making these kind of calls make the call for you.
You've missed too much already...don't let this opportunity to be loved pass you by.
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hi, i lost my sister in 1997, always wantedto ask her about the 2 children she gave up. she was neven ready to talk.. the youngest of the two found me almost 2 years ago. she and i are trying to find the other sister..be fair to yourself , your aunt and brothers. they also might be looking for you.. good luck and make the call
There are a group of articles at [url]http://www.adoptionlibrary.com[/url] written by Adoptee Karen DeLuca about her experiences.
Karen searched for HER birthmother, only to find a grave at the end. She too suffered as you are suffering, but she pulled herself together and began devoting her free time to helping others reunite. She is very active in Pennsylvania and has already amassed a following.
Sometimes we have to look deep inside for answers. If you have Faith, you must understand that your Birthmother DOES know you. She is probably very proud of you.
So many adoptees have searched only to discover they were too late to meet a birthparent ... many of them have made contact with their siblings and are today a part of a warm and loving birthfamily.
Lord how I worried that I would die before my daughter and I could reunite. We all fear that happening.
Dr. Marlou Russell (a reunited adoptee and practicing psychologist) wrote a helpful article "Grief and Loss in Adoption" that might give you some insight ... [url]http://www.marlourussellphd.com/newspr.html[/url]
Marlou has written a wonderful book -- ADOPTION WISDOM.
Contact your aunt ... and connect with your siblings; they might already know about you.
Remember, you aren't alone. there are many adoptees who've experienced what you are experiencing.
You can help yourself by learning as much as you can about the Adoption Triad, and reaching out to help someone else.
Good Luck, and hugs, Carol Bird
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