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I get so dissappointed from time to time. I was born on Feb. 12,1985 in St. Louis Missouri.
I was told that my birth mothers name was Rhonda and that i did not see her when i was born.
I was also told that i got to see my birth father at monitored visits at the adoption home untill i was 2 years old.
The family i am living with now found me at 6 months and i was offically adopted at the age of 5.
I have been with this family ever since.
I was also told that my birth parents both did drugs and were both very young and not ready to have a child in their lives at that time.
I live in a rather big family with both adoptive parents still married and around the age of 50 and i have 2 brothers (ages 37&23) and 1 sister (age 36).
I have 2 nieces (ages 15&2) and 2 nephews (ages 16&10).
All of my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews live in the same neighbor hood as i do and so they are always at my house and since i was the only one in the family that was adopted well i like to tend to bring it up alot. I like to make fun of me in ways i dont think they realize it hurts so much.
I have known that i was adopted ever since i can remember but my adoptive family doesnt like to tell me much about my birth family or show me many pictures from when i was a baby. ( its kind of like i did not exist untill i was 5).
I have never really had very high self esteem (or so i have been told) but i always try to keep my spirts up and look on the bright side, but things do happen from time to time but its best to try and look on the bright side or you will never be happy.
I was in a relationship for 2 and 1/2 years and to most people they would call that just puppy love or something along that line but we were very close and could talk about everything and we went through alot together, we even talked about getting married in the future when we got a little older and got things in order in our lives.
Well we recentally broke off our relationship and it has been rather hard on me.
I dont really get along with girls to good (due to the fact that i havent been able to find one that would lie to my face or talk about me behind my back yet) so i really dont have any friends that i can talk to or hang out with so it kind of leaves me out in the cold by my self.
I feel more like i am not worth anything with every passing day and like it would be pointless to keep on searching for my birth parents because they already threw me to the curb once so whats to say that they will want to have anything to do with my now or in a few years if i were to find them?
I have never really gotten along with my adoptive family at all and there are times when i hear them talkin to each other and asking each other why they even adopted me in the first place.
So i guess what i am trying to say through all this rambling that i am done searching for my birth parents because i know they would want to have nothing to do with me so why just mess up their lives. I mean they have probley forgoten all about me by now anyways.
As i scroll down the message boards i cry and cry and just sit here wondering why i cant have someone even one person in my live that could love me as much as they love their children that they gave up for a better life?
I makes me wonder what i did that was so wrong to make people hate me so much. I mean i have never tried drugs or smoking or even tried liquer. I dont get the best grades in school but i try the best i can and i get B's and C's now. I just dont get what it is that makes me so unlovable.
:(
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I was so saddened by your post! The worst feeling in the world is to feel unloved! There is someone that loves you unconditionally! God does!! Now is a good time to lean on Him during this difficult time in your life. And please share with us...we are here for you! It may also be a good idea to speak with a counselor. I don't know how old you are, but schoool counselors are there for you. It sounds like you have alot going on in your heart and mind. You talked about several people (birthparents, adoptive family, boyfriend, girlfriends) that you feel distanced from. Just know you are NOT alone!
I am sorry that you never felt very self-confident. That is something that I've struggled with. A friend of mine once told me, "if you don't like yourself, how do you expect others to." It felt harsh, yet she was right. I find that if I'm doing a lot of "negative talk" to myself, that is exactly how I feel! I challenge you to write down 10 things you like about yourself and repeat those things over and over. Pretty soon, those are the things you will think about.
I "ran into" an aquaintance of my husband's from many years back and I found out he was an adoptee. We had a great conversation. I really loved his outlook on adoption. He always loved telling people he was adopted because he felt it was different. He liked being different from other people. Sometimes our outlook on things makes us who we are.
I hope you feel supported and encouraged!
Warm wishes,
sherryk
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Casey:
Do you know the story of the Wizard of Oz?
Adoptees (those in closed and sealed adoptions) are like Dorothy.
In the story, Dorothy was caught up by a tornado that took her away from her family and dropped her in a place where no one knew her or looked like her. It was a beautiful place and the residents there, the Munchkins, wanted her to stay there and be the queen of their home. When she insisted that all she wanted was to go home, they sent her to see the Wizard of Oz, a mysterious figure who seemed to have all the answers.
In the same way, you were ripped away from your family by strong forces, a cyclone of social forces that your birthfamily could not withstand. You landed in a place that may have been safe, but nobody there knew you, or looked like you. To your adoptive family, this was a much more beautiful place than the place where you came from, but "there's no place like home." so you started to search.
Dorothy set out on her search and met three characters, a witless scarecrow, an unfeeling tin woodsman, and a cowardly lion.
In your search, you have found parts of yourself that you feel may not be smart enough, caring enough, or brave enough to face the journey home.
Along the way, Dorothy and her friends were harassed by a wicked witch who wanted to possess Dorothy's magical ruby slippers which were carrying her on her journey.
Each adoptee who is searching knows about the witch in all her forms, for the witch is the unthinking, uncaring, and cowardly attitude of leaving things undisturbed which is often displayed by the courts, the agencies, and the general public, disregarding the adoptees need and inherent RIGHT to know.
When Dorothy and her friends meet the Wizard, he sends them off on the impossible task of killing the wicked witch. In the final confrontation, the witch attempts to kill Dorothy and her friends, but they prevail and destroy the witch.
When they return to the Wizard, he points out to them that the scarecrow already had brains, the tinman a heart, and the lion had courage... they just hadn't recognized it because they had never used these traits before.
The wizard offers to take Dorothy home in a hot-air balloon but the balloon lifts off without her and is gone. The good witch comes and Dorothy discovers she also had the power to get home all along, but had to take the journey of self-discovery to recognize it. Now she knows she's ready, and with a few "there's no place like home"s, she returns to her family.
You need to take that journey of self-discovery. You need to understand that finding yourself is even more important than finding your family. You need to call on your brains, your heart, and your courage to defeat the forces who would thwart you in your journey home.
Once you have done that, then and only then, will you truly be ready.
Best wishes,
Larry
I know exactly how you are feeling...Iwent through that all too...you will make it through...I was adopted 19 years ago...same situation...my parents were addicts...my father even tried to kill my sister and I...but just a month ago...I put my best foot forward...and found my bfather....it was exciting/sad/emotional/happy...every possible emotion...it was...trust me grl....smeone out there loves you....my father told me when he saw me that there was not a day that went by that he didn't think of me...or pray for me...they love you girl...it was the best thing for them to do at the time...and I am almost positive that they still love and think about you....as for your aparents...I can't relate to that...how old are you?...it seems like you are exactly the person I was like 5 years ago...I hated other females...thought they were backstabbers...you just hae to keep yourself positive...then everything around you will turn to positive...please feel free to email me so we can talk further on this subject...just please do not feel alone...b/c your not!
;) Dear Casey,
I have to tell you my story! I was adopted at age 5 also. My adoptive parents were very abusive and also let me know constantly how greatful I should be for them rescuing me. I was also tld that my bio father was in prison for murder and my bio mother was in a mental institution. I was constantly reminded of how much I was like my mother! I searched for years and because the state of ohio sealed my case, I get never get anywhere.
At a family reunion My wifes uncle referred to one of his friends by a nickname that my father also went by. I asked him what the guys last name was and it was the same as my birth name! I asked him what his first name was and of course it wasn't my fathers.
I was disappointed but told him to ask the gentleman if he had any brothers with my fathers name. He agreed.
I went through the day then went home. Soon after we got home the phone rang. The gentleman asked for me and wanted to know if I was searching for my father. I said yes. I asked him if he was the brother that our uncle had spoken to earlier he said no. I am your father! After 17 years of searching I was actually speaking to my father!
I found out that Dad was in Viet Nam and was in recovery when was given up. My mother does have some problems, but she is not in an institution! My father has never been in jail-I checked. Don't always believe everthing your are told about your real parents. And most of all, Don't ever give up; you may end up finding the Love of a lifetime you are looking for. I know. If I can help, I will.
Hi, just wanted to write and say I was adopted at birth in washington given up by a mother of 3 divorced and father probably might not evewn know but she was good enough to save me and adopt me out which she didnt have to do, my dad was married without kids and a salesman. Birth mom was god enough to leave non-identifing info that was all true and honest and that helps although I have been searching and getting no where and wonder sometimes why but mainly I need to thank her for my wonderful life and family and adopted parents who couldnt of done a better job and made me happy and content my entire life and there isnt any horror stories to tel I was blessed and she deserves to know that. My family has all passed on now and I kinda wanted to meet my siblings and have are kids, kids meet. My 13 yr old is over 6 feet tall has blonde hair and dark eyes and probably looks like his grandfather cause it isnt from her side and he is cute as can be but now we know who he takes after and that is my dad so its good to know. I can have the records opened but Im kinda cheap and thought I could do it on my own but I am representing myself in frony of the judge to ask for my medicao history and background so I can understand why and how I look and act like I do. Her name is Patricia and his Patrick and I want to thank them and let them know how much I appreciate what she did and let her know Im smart and nice and love life and want to share a little with them. I dont need anything or ask for anything just a sincere hug a thanx for my life and her unselfishness to keep me alive and got the best parents in the world/ Lanna
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Please sweetheart don't ever feel that you are unloved. Mothers always love their children, even if they feel they can't care for them properly. I know you are going through a hard time and my heart goes out to you. Life can be cruel sometimes, but just hang on, there are brighter days ahead!! I am a birth mother myself. I gave my little girl up for adoption 19 years ago, and Not a day has gone by that I have not thought of her. We recently reunited. It was like a hole had been mended in my heart. What your mother did was very hard for her. I can promise you that. Please know that you can lean on someone who loves us and created us all!! Many prayers to you!! :D spete
Hi Casey- Your story touched my heart, and I have to say I started crying. I have felt the same way in the past and the thing that got me through, was talking to people, whether it be online, support groups, a counselor, friends, family, pastor. There are so many support groups out there and lots of options. As long as you can talk about your feelings you are doing good! I gave my son up 21 years ago, and it was the hardest choice I had to make. But I knew it was the right one! I wanted him to have everything I could not give him. I cared enough to give him a better chance in life. To this day, I think about him and on his birthday I sing happy birthday to him! I look at his photos I have hanging up on my wall. Being a mother never goes away, even if the child does. Best of luck to you sweety, and remember " You Are Speical and in our hearts"!
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Lee Roy
Casey:
Do you know the story of the Wizard of Oz?
Adoptees (those in closed and sealed adoptions) are like Dorothy.
In the story, Dorothy was caught up by a tornado that took her away from her family and dropped her in a place where no one knew her or looked like her. It was a beautiful place and the residents there, the Munchkins, wanted her to stay there and be the queen of their home. When she insisted that all she wanted was to go home, they sent her to see the Wizard of Oz, a mysterious figure who seemed to have all the answers.
In the same way, you were ripped away from your family by strong forces, a cyclone of social forces that your birthfamily could not withstand. You landed in a place that may have been safe, but nobody there knew you, or looked like you. To your adoptive family, this was a much more beautiful place than the place where you came from, but "there's no place like home." so you started to search.
Dorothy set out on her search and met three characters, a witless scarecrow, an unfeeling tin woodsman, and a cowardly lion.
In your search, you have found parts of yourself that you feel may not be smart enough, caring enough, or brave enough to face the journey home.
Along the way, Dorothy and her friends were harassed by a wicked witch who wanted to possess Dorothy's magical ruby slippers which were carrying her on her journey.
Each adoptee who is searching knows about the witch in all her forms, for the witch is the unthinking, uncaring, and cowardly attitude of leaving things undisturbed which is often displayed by the courts, the agencies, and the general public, disregarding the adoptees need and inherent RIGHT to know.
When Dorothy and her friends meet the Wizard, he sends them off on the impossible task of killing the wicked witch. In the final confrontation, the witch attempts to kill Dorothy and her friends, but they prevail and destroy the witch.
When they return to the Wizard, he points out to them that the scarecrow already had brains, the tinman a heart, and the lion had courage... they just hadn't recognized it because they had never used these traits before.
The wizard offers to take Dorothy home in a hot-air balloon but the balloon lifts off without her and is gone. The good witch comes and Dorothy discovers she also had the power to get home all along, but had to take the journey of self-discovery to recognize it. Now she knows she's ready, and with a few "there's no place like home"s, she returns to her family.
You need to take that journey of self-discovery. You need to understand that finding yourself is even more important than finding your family. You need to call on your brains, your heart, and your courage to defeat the forces who would thwart you in your journey home.
Once you have done that, then and only then, will you truly be ready.
Best wishes,
Larry
Casey Dear,Don't ever give up! Not all of us are dealt a good hand in life, but we can't just fold and quit. I'm an adoptee also. I can't imagine what your life must have been like for you. And I can only imagine what it must have been like for our birthmothers to relinquish us. I have a seven year old son and from the day I found out I was pregnant I believe our bond was formed. When a mother carries her child for nine months it's natural that they share a special bond. I don't think it can be helped. If I had to give my son up for adoption, I know there wouldn't be a day that went by that I didn't think of him or longingly wonder how he was doing with his life. I would always love him! Your mother loved you so much that she gave you a chance at life and it's up to you to make the most of it. I pray that my thoughts haven't offended but that some of my words bring you peace and the strength and courage to keep fighting the good fight.
My heart goes out to you. I am an adoptive mom and would never want my child to feel this way. Please don't assume your birth parents don't care or love you- I am sure they love you so much, but at that particular time they may not have been ready for the responsibility of a child. Just because birth parents make an adoption plan for their child does not mean they don't love them. It seems everything is just hitting you at once, and emotionally you are drained. Try to think of the positives in your life...Your birth mom chose life for you and placed you with a family that loves you. I know it cannot possibly be easy...prayer always helps! Pray for strength to get you through tough times. I know tough times also I wanted a child/children for years. I would cry myself to sleep and felt the hole in my heart that always longed for a special angel. My prayers finally were answered...and I have my angel. I am sure your adoptive parents love you very, very much. I think it may help if you voice your feelings to someone you feel close to. If you need someone to listen you can even pm me. Don't give up!! God loves you very much. Please keep us posted...God Bless
Casey, If you are still reading this I have been at the lowest point of self respect and I did dip into all varieties of self destructive behavior. Please know that you are worth more than this and therapy is a beautiful place to learn about yourself. Please consider talking to someone - I am a firm believer that everyone would benefit from it! Larry - Wizard of Oz is the most beautiful analogy of self awareness that I have ever heard. You are a master with words!
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tarah
I know exactly how you are feeling...Iwent through that all too...you will make it through...I was adopted 19 years ago...same situation...my parents were addicts...my father even tried to kill my sister and I...but just a month ago...I put my best foot forward...and found my bfather....it was exciting/sad/emotional/happy...every possible emotion...it was...trust me grl....smeone out there loves you....my father told me when he saw me that there was not a day that went by that he didn't think of me...or pray for me...they love you girl...it was the best thing for them to do at the time...and I am almost positive that they still love and think about you....as for your aparents...I can't relate to that...how old are you?...it seems like you are exactly the person I was like 5 years ago...I hated other females...thought they were backstabbers...you just hae to keep yourself positive...then everything around you will turn to positive...please feel free to email me so we can talk further on this subject...just please do not feel alone...b/c your not!
