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I get so dissappointed from time to time. I was born on Feb. 12,1985 in St. Louis Missouri.
I was told that my birth mothers name was Rhonda and that i did not see her when i was born.
I was also told that i got to see my birth father at monitored visits at the adoption home untill i was 2 years old.
The family i am living with now found me at 6 months and i was offically adopted at the age of 5.
I have been with this family ever since.
I was also told that my birth parents both did drugs and were both very young and not ready to have a child in their lives at that time.
I live in a rather big family with both adoptive parents still married and around the age of 50 and i have 2 brothers (ages 37&23) and 1 sister (age 36).
I have 2 nieces (ages 15&2) and 2 nephews (ages 16&10).
All of my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews live in the same neighbor hood as i do and so they are always at my house and since i was the only one in the family that was adopted well i like to tend to bring it up alot. I like to make fun of me in ways i dont think they realize it hurts so much.
I have known that i was adopted ever since i can remember but my adoptive family doesnt like to tell me much about my birth family or show me many pictures from when i was a baby. ( its kind of like i did not exist untill i was 5).
I have never really had very high self esteem (or so i have been told) but i always try to keep my spirts up and look on the bright side, but things do happen from time to time but its best to try and look on the bright side or you will never be happy.
I was in a relationship for 2 and 1/2 years and to most people they would call that just puppy love or something along that line but we were very close and could talk about everything and we went through alot together, we even talked about getting married in the future when we got a little older and got things in order in our lives.
Well we recentally broke off our relationship and it has been rather hard on me.
I dont really get along with girls to good (due to the fact that i havent been able to find one that would lie to my face or talk about me behind my back yet) so i really dont have any friends that i can talk to or hang out with so it kind of leaves me out in the cold by my self.
I feel more like i am not worth anything with every passing day and like it would be pointless to keep on searching for my birth parents because they already threw me to the curb once so whats to say that they will want to have anything to do with my now or in a few years if i were to find them?
I have never really gotten along with my adoptive family at all and there are times when i hear them talkin to each other and asking each other why they even adopted me in the first place.
So i guess what i am trying to say through all this rambling that i am done searching for my birth parents because i know they would want to have nothing to do with me so why just mess up their lives. I mean they have probley forgoten all about me by now anyways.
As i scroll down the message boards i cry and cry and just sit here wondering why i cant have someone even one person in my live that could love me as much as they love their children that they gave up for a better life?
I makes me wonder what i did that was so wrong to make people hate me so much. I mean i have never tried drugs or smoking or even tried liquer. I dont get the best grades in school but i try the best i can and i get B's and C's now. I just dont get what it is that makes me so unlovable.
:mad: :(
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How old are you Casey? Do you realize that you are not alone, that God is always with you? Now I'm not adopted and I'm only 15, but I do know, that God never gives us more that we can handle. I have two cousins, six and a newborn both are adopted from the same mother. Now I know that she's given up these little girls for whatever reason, but you have to know that your birth parents gave you up because they wanted you to have a better life. Your adopted parents, for whatever reason, probably feel like you don't care about them because you want to find your birth parents. Explain to them why you feel you need to do this, try and make them understand what it is your going through because they're never going to know how you feel unless you tell them.
Please don't give up searching. If you need to talk to someone, please email me at rmguilbo@yahoo.com. I really want to help.
God Bless,
Ruthie:)
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Hi, I just wanted to tell you that I used to feel the same way about life. I felt as though the whole world was against me, and sadly, I did turn to "alternative medicines" and take up smoking. I am now 32, married with two children of my own and clean. I just hope that you keep your spirits up, and know that things will turn out You do have to have faith in yourself and keep going when it seems almost helpless. You are still young and have lots of time to find your birth parents. I feel any reason a person has for giving up a child seemed to be the right one for that person at the time. They loved you at one time, you are here aren't you? Please don't give up. Even if you feel as though you aren't getting anywhere, and even if you never find them, you have yourself to take care of first. I do feel they have a responsibility to tell you why things happened as they did and you have a responsibility to you to take it. Keep looking, and good luck.:)
O MY GOSH DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!
Casey!!!!
Please do not give up. Trust me!! I am 22, a senior in college, and adopted myself!! I remember when I was younger wondering about my birthparents. It got to a point where I wa obsessed with it. Always scanning the crowd to find someone who looked like me, perhaps we were related. I was nuts!! But you have to keep up the faith!! Don't ever give up!! My birthmother was 16 when she had me, on drugs and pregnant for a 35 year old man. She wasn't in any condition to raise me like I should be. So she did the most unselfish,loving thing she could have done, she gave me to wondeful parents. I could not have asked fo rbetter parents if I had picked them instead of them picking me!! haha Well, I have to go to class.. but DONT GIVE UP!! I will tell you the rest of my story later.. I met my birthmother when i was 16 years old.. it is something you never ever want to give up on ok? Please dont give up!!!
I wish you nothing but the absolute best!!!!
DON'T GIVE UP!!! PLEASE! I was just reunited by phone and will meet my 1/2 sister in June that I have been looking for for over 20 years!!! I had given up a bit(in my heart) you could only have imagined my shock that she actually looked on the site on 4/1/05 put in her info and my post popped up! She called my on 4/2/05 and we talked for over 4 hours!
Hey don't give up. My husband was adopted and his whole life he searched like you are doing, he also always felt the way your feeling. When my husband was 25 he died and we had a 2 month old son at the time. I continued my husbands search and I actually found his birth parents. It turns out he was very much loved and his birth parents always tried to find him. You parents could be doing the same and if you give up youll never know. Dont worry your worth it!!! Remember putting you up for adoption was the hardest thing your birth parents have ever done. They did it for one reason because they felt you were worth it! I can try to help you if youd like my name is Talina and my email address is tbag3369@yahoo.com
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Never give up............have faith in yourself. You are young and confused, its all apart of growing up. I had a baby girl 19 years ago and for many very good reasons I lost her to adoption. I have faith that God has kept her close and watched over her when I could not. I pray that one day I will get a chance to tell her how much I loved her - so much that I did what I believed would be best for her. I can promise you that your mother has never forgotten you. I can promise you that she loves you very much. I can promise you that she misses you and feels a part of herself is missing because you are not there. No matter what your mother's circumstances, she didn't throw you away, she gave carried you inside her for nine months, and did what she thought would be best for you. SHe loved you, and even though she may have caused you pain because of all the uncertainty, she loved you. I hope one day you can understand her love. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense and it may even teach you that love means seperation but it doesnt. Love lasts forever. If and when you feel the need to find her, follow your heart and do whatever is best for you. In the meantime, find yourself. Have confidence in you becase you are special! Not because you were adopted or not adopted but because you are YOU! You are one of God's children and you have your whole life ahead of you. Find your path and be good to yourself and have confidence in you. Hugs, Janet
Casey:
I started looking for my B-parents when I turned 18.. I searched for many years and had no luck, and gave up and after a few years would pass, I would get revived and start again..
I was finally contacted about 2 1/2 years ago from members of my B-family.. (I am now 42) Dont give up, or if you do just give it a little break.. dont let disappointment in...
I really think that's the plan, if it dosn't happen, it will happen when its right for you..
I could have never handled finding out what I did find out at your age.. even though I wanted to... I wasn't ready for
any of it...
I know your grown up - but how we handle things at certain ages are different... when we are young - everything is so impressionable...
Dont give up! just take a breather for now if thats what you need..
Susy
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redhairteengirl
So i guess what i am trying to say through all this rambling that i am done searching for my birth parents because i know they would want to have nothing to do with me so why just mess up their lives.
:mad: :(
I just read your message and this made me sad. Please, believe that what has happened, is not you or that you have done anything wrong. Your hurt and there are so many questions going through your mind and heart right now that are unanswered. I was adopted as an infant and I too gave up a child that I'm in the process of reuniting with. One of the questions asked, was "What did I do wrong? What did I do that was so bad?". The truth is you did nothing wrong! The decision was made to provide you with a much better life and chance in this world. I was messed up when I gave up my daughter. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. She is 27 and I'm 44. Please don't give up on yourself! Please know that not all adopted families are perfect. Mine wasn't and I don't think there is such thing as a perfect family. Please believe in yourself. Please trust that what you are going through is so natural and you have questions and you may be angry. There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. Please try to forgive the insensitive words spoken by others. Your family made a commitment to you when you were adopted. They commited their hearts and love to you! This is hard to understand I'm sure. My best friend adopted 4 kids and their family became a family of 8. I speak from her perspective on this. So please, you are a worthy and valuable and very precious. Believe this to be the truth!
[font=Arial Black]I hope this reaches you Casey, I have so little time to read all the postings, yet your story touched my heart in many ways. Perhaps seeing adoption through the eyes of the adoptive parent will help you, or at the very least give a bit of insight. I am a single father, mid 50's of 4 adopted/disabled Angels. I call them Angels for one reason, only GOD could have sent me such PERFECT children, I am also a biological father to 5 grown children. There are so many things that go into adoption and trust me I am still learning........some are GREAT, some are more evil than most could ever know. I adopted for 2 reasons, the first and foremost was my LOVE for children, I cannot bear to think of one child in this world not waking up to a home, a hug, a kiss, unconditional LOVE and that feeling of belonging. My second reason was that although I was not wealthy monetarily wise, I felt it my duty to "give back" something to this Great Country, what better way than to help a child/children reach their full potential, to teach them values, show them love, compassion and understanding. I adopted with my ex, and within months of finalizing I was left alone to raise these Angels....what a SHOCK, but I promised GOD that I would never let these Angels down......and I haven't yet in 13 years. I read your story and I see a young lady who perhaps feels "different" from her siblings, I can tell you that yes you are different, but not in a bad way, I cannot explain the depth of love I have for my Angels, it seems 100 times deeper than what I had for my own, and I would have given my life for my biological children......you need to see beyond the every day stuff and realize there is a great deal of Love for you. You are going through a tough time for any child/teenager, you are becoming an adult yet you are still young in so many ways. I see a young woman full of potential, who is trying to come to grips with why she was placed for adoption, why she feels different to her siblings and extended family. Things happen in our lives for a reason, and quite often it is GOD's Will, other times it is a test of who we are and what we will become. One thing I can tell you with 100% confidence, you are loved, and NEVER give up. [/font][font=Arial Black]You will find Peace and Happiness, Friendships and Relationships. What you see as hurtful/painful within your adoptive family can make you stronger or defeat you.......you must decide. You will become a woman and a mother one day........will you teach your babies the same hurts or will you eliminate them so your babies don't have the same experiences. I hope you know that from an adoptive parent's point of view, you are the most precious thing in this world. GOD chose you for a reason.[/font]
Dear redhairteengirl, Hi. :) I just wanted to say that I read your post, and was touched. I feel for you. I am not adopted myself, nor have adopted children, I do not have any actually, I was in a situation where my sister gave up her daughter at 22 mos. of age, and due to situations in her life, and most of the families, no one could really step in and take this beautiful little girl in. I know my situation is different, as is everyone's here on this site. But, what made me want to respond to your post was, when I was reading about how you felt noone cares, how you don't feel you're of worth to anyone, and you feel very much alone.I could not even begin to tell you how I feel like that EVERY DAY, and I can relate. But, believe me, someone out there does love you very much, and if not already, it will just be a matter of time before you meet them. Whether this is a friend, mentor, or even a relationship. I do hope you know though, I want you to know, I'm sure your birth parents did not intend to "throw you to the curb." Whether it's at birth, or even at a toddler age, or even, 6, 7,8, or even 12... I can tell you that making the choice to give your child up for adoption is NOT an easy thing. My other sister when she was 17, gave up her child at birth because she was not ready to have that child, and for a very long time, us, the family, could, or would not even DARE to bring that subject of him up, because it hurt her so much, and to this day, although she has moved on and has a family of her own, she still will tell me, that she has not forgotten him, and thinks about him often and prays for him, but she knows if she were to ever meet him, the least she could hope to be to him, is his friend. There are I'm sure, reasons which sometimes may be best not to be known, or maybe at the present time, as to why you cannot find them right now, or maybe they are afraid to really confront you. So many things sometimes remain unspoken in situations like these, but if God wills, it will be revealed to you in due time. Do not give up, you are loved, and I'm sure not forgotten, there may be someone in your birth family such as I, an aunt, or a cousin, who went through this pain with your birth mother, and probably thinks of you alot. :)
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HIi Casey, I'm sure you've been told many times that counseling may help you with your feelings of low self esteem and pain. I recommend it highly. I don't know what your bmother's circumstances were, but as a bmother myself, I can tell you this (and it has been my experience that many, many bmothers feel the same as I): I did not want to give up my child to anyone. When you are very young, you don't always have choices. When I carried my bson, I felt extreme love and attachment to him; so much so that I spent years in serious depression and grief. I think it is unlikely that you were not "wanted". Most adoptions are so much more complicated than that. In fact, if you were adopted, then you were obviously wanted very very much because your aparents did not have to accept you as their own. They chose to. That means you had great value to two people who wanted you. Just don't assume that your bmother didn't want you. I wanted my baby desperately and was not really able or even "allowed" to keep him. (too young to fight it). I could never forget my bson, though I've had to learn to not think of him every day anymore. I would have gone insane had I not learned to cope and go on with my life, so that is also sometimes the emotion that bmothers feel later on..... I do love my children that are a part of my life enough to die for them, but I would have felt the same way had I had the opportunity to keep my son. Life is often sad and hard. That is also true for people who have nothing to do with the adoption triangle. Many people struggle with low self esteem and feelings of sadness over life circumstances. Counseling can help. What has also helped me and made the most difference in my life is my relationship with God. He has helped me to understand I am forgiven and that I can pray for my bson and that HE loves him more than any human could. So you are also loved by God. Your life was created by Him, precious beyond anything we can measure and has eternal value. I urge you to find ways to process your emotions so that you can enjoy your life. Neecy
DON'T GIVE UP! The decision that was made was about THEM, not YOU! Maybe you can just relax about it for a bit, but please don't keep crying. You have a family that loves you and maybe you should count on that for now. I myself had a birthfather who held me after I was born and still left. It still hurts, however my adoptive Dad means everything to me. He is my DAD, anyone can make a child. It is the person who raises and LOVES that child that is a FATHER! I wish you the Best! SCullen