LDSFS now more open in adoption! Share your views.....

Sharon, You said, "And at best, she may be overjoyed at this opportunity to know that her child is okay." She does get a huge journal/letter from us every year detailing Olivia's life and she really loves that. Last year I managed to get a picture of Olivia in my letter as a watermark (behind the words so they couldn't cut it out) and she was thrilled. It was the first time she'd seen her since the first year pictures ended. Her whole family reads the letters and tells me that they feel they are a part of her life because of my detailed writing. The worker has told me that she is so comfortable and certain that Olivia is where she was supposed to be that she is doing great. She has married an amazing man and I think she is very considerate of him and is trying to not make this adoption a big issue in their marriage. He is so wonderful and he loves Olivia too. I'm get incredibly happy thinking of them and knowing how much they love each other. So, it's not an issue of her not having any information. I feel very close to her and the worker has told me on numerous occasions that we are very much tuned in to each other. I feel that having the beautiful pictures of Olivia would continue to comfort her when and if she needs it. They look SO much alike - something she has told me in letters past. I will continue to obsess (lol) over this and pray a lot, as it is coming up on time for me to send another letter. As for the other post from Brenda (I think): We are playing our openness with Sari's birthmother by ear and take it very seriously. As for our girls not knowing who she really is, we have decided to keep it that way for now until we think things through carefully. This young woman has a heart of gold but her life has not been stable. We do not expect her to change course and try to interfere with our daughters in a negative way but she is not predictible. Her own family has talked to us about the need to keep some information from her, i.e. where we live, etc. The openness we have achieved thus far has been motivated by our love for her and our desire to help her heal. Our relationship is very rewarding and we know it has helped her immensely. There are things you do not know about this situation so don't judge too harshly. As for our daughters seeing this as a "sin of omission," we will continue to pray about what is best for them. That is our first priority and responsibility. We do not feel, at this point, that it's healthy for them to have this information concerning the close proximity of one's birth mother. We will take responsibility for that decision when the time comes with our girls. They have always known about their birth mothers and the great love they showed in placing them in their families. Adoption is a positive, loving subject in our home. They hear us speak to groups of people about their adoptions and know a great deal about where they came from. I appreciate the posts and input. Allie

Hi Allie, I'm sorry for my bad memory and my laziness to go back and read through the previous posts to find this answer, but I'm thinking that your adoption was within the last 5 years? Ours was done in 1997. We were allowed to send letters and pictures every month the first year and then once a year until she was three. The pictures have had to be only of our daughter, none with us. And we weren't allowed to have a picture of Monica either. Was your's a similar experience? Or do I understand that you were told you couldn't send any pictures after the first year? If so, this doesn't sound right to me. It sounds to me like you have a handle on your openness factors. Every situation is as different and individual as the people involved so there are no general answers out there and definitely not a "what's right for one is right for someone else" anwer. I've done a lot of mediating of adoptions for LDS families after their adoptions as well as before through our site. I would be happy to see if there's anything I could do to help you do a little more without comprimising confidences. You can e-mail me at holly@hopetoadopt.com, I'd be happy to chat with you about any of this. Best wishes, Holly

I may be out of line but I found out LDS is against Open Record and adopte searching. am I right or wrong. I know Open adopton and open Record are not the same, but you can not one with out othe other. by for now Mary Ramirez birthmother

Hi Mary, No, I believe you are correct in your understanding/assumption that LDS Family Services is against open records. It was explained to me that the reason they are against it is because they feel birthmothers should have the right to privacy if they choose and open records would not allow that to be a choice at all. I may be mistaken in my understanding. They still only perform semi-open adoptions meaning that privacy is maintained as identifying information of last names, addresses, etc. is not shared between adoptive and birthparent families. So I do not believe that their stand on privacy has changed. What has changed is their policy on trying to enforce this privacy between the two parties once the adoption has been finalized and indefinitely thereafter where correpondence is concerned. In years past, they would monitor all correspondence between adoptive and birthparent families and strike or eliminate any information that could be identifying before forwarding the correspondence on. This was to be done indefinitely - virtually being as long as correspondence was sent throughout the life of the adoption and it's parties. Now, they have changed the policy to reflect a time limit for this monitoring. They still monitor all correspondence to maintain privacy, but now it is done only until the adoption is finalized. At this point they will still forward correspondence between parties but will not monitor or edit any of the content. This allows them to respect the rights and desires of both parties to decide for themselves if they want more information about one another. It's a little confusing, but I personally believe that they are doing all they can to respect and protect the rights of choice for both sides in their policies. I'm very excited to see the new change come about. Hope that helps, Holly

One more thing I left out about the open records. . . It was also explained to me that an open records law mandates that no records can be sealed. So if a birthmother wanted to have privacy after an adoption it wouldn't be an option. Further, if the birthmother is open to being found by her child in the future, but wants to maintain her privacy, she has the right to put her name on the registry and keep her information current so that she can be found if the child wants to look for her in the future. This is how states that have sealed records deal with the issue of searching. All this said, this is how the system has been explained to me so I could be mistaken in my understanding. Also, I've not experienced this from the side of using the registry so don't have any personal knowledge of how good the system is or how it works in practice - - -I only know theory. Sorry. :rolleyes: Holly

I think that it is all really neat! I am a birth-mom. In the last year and a half I have met so many people involved with adoption. It's really intersting how so many people tell me that they are able to have more contact with their b-moms or the a-moms then they were supposed to. For some reason, things got skipped over, people run into other people, mysteriously these women are finding each other. I really think that Heavenly Father knows what's best for all of those involved. He has been making it possible for many people to have contact in the past. I'm soo glad that LDSFS is giving this option now!!! It's the right thing! I love it!!! At first the open adoption thing is hard... well all adoption is hard at first, but I'm glad that LDSFS is giving this as an option. I think that after the nerves go away and things become a little more comfortable, most people would have the desire and be willing to open up the relationship with the birth-mom. good luck to all lyra

Books to read for y'all: "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" by Sherrie Eldridge, and "Open Adoption Experience" by Melina/Roszia. I am so happy they're changing!

Praise be to God that the LDSFS is allowing semi-open adoptions! More open adoptions has been the prayer of my heart since my grandchild was adopted in Ohio in 1997. I feel the women of the church know the meaning of love and charity and can handle the adjustments in policy with grace and charity. If so, the new policy will thrive for charity never faileth. Oh, were it so for those of us who lost our loved ones in the dark days of LDS adoption! which legally denied my daughter as Taylor's birth mother, myself as her birth grandmother and other birth family their God-given positions. I feel this is contrary to the example of Jesus, our adoptive father, who does not deny Elohim his position Father. Jesus as our adoptive parent, in fact seeks to reunite us with our Father in Heaven and preserve our eternal family ties to him. Oh, that LDSFS would completely follow his holy example of love, for he alone is righteous! Last year, I so identified with the Ellizabeth Smart family who lost their daughter, not to adoption, but to crime. But I wondered, how much more would they have suffered had no one in the church and community looked for Ellizabeth Smart? How much more would Ellizabeth Smart's family have suffered had they been told their loss was the will of God? How much more would they have suffered without the comfort of being sealed to their precious off spring for time and eternity? --All those who have lost their off spring in closed adoptions suffer in many ways more excruciatingly than even Ellizabeth Smart and her family. I pray for the mercy that you beautiful mothers have extended to your children's birth families, but so far, for me, there has only been salt in the wound. My only hope is in God and those who with faith, look beyond the ways of man, to the example of the Redeemer. I look, wait, sleep and anguish for the true samaritan who not only corrects current policy, but who works to right past mistakes including those made against me and my family. I BEG OF YOU- Please Birth Mothers and Grandmothers who have contact with their off spring, respect the rights of the adoptive parents-- such as, please don't drop in unannounced-- that the LDS adoptions may continue to grow toward becomming about LOVE. I PRAY - President Hinckley will allow me the ability to live up to his counsel, Do not break the chain of your generations.Ӕ To his words I add my sincere belief that no mother, be they mothers by birth or adoption, will recieve a release from God. Of this I am convinced. For Love, Families and Motherhood are Forever! B Grama [URL=http://www.knoxvillerealestateonline.com/Webmaster.html]Write me directly.[/URL] Email me directly.

I chose not to place through LDS Services 12 years ago simply for the fact there just wasn't enough contact/information with the adoptive family. I ended up placing through a friend and have had a fairly open adoption since then (any lapses have been entirely of my choosing). My ex-husband called me last night to tell me that he and his new wife are picking up their daughter today (placed through LDS FS) and told me about some of the changes. All I can say is itsaboutstinkintime! I am thrilled for them and for the birthmother who gets the chance to know who her baby will be with. They were able to visit with both her and the bfather for several hours the day after their daughter was born. The words to the last verse of the hymn "How Great the Wisdom" keep going through my mind: How great, how glorious, how complete,

Redemptions grand design!

Where justice, love, and mercy meet

In harmony divine. These changes are truly where justice, love, and mercy meet for all the members of the adoption triad.

I love it!! I love it. I personally did not place with LDSFS because I knew an open adoption was the right thing for me. My religious leaders actually discouraged me from trying for an open adoption. That was 7 years ago!! WOW time has gone by fast. I think the changes are wonderful!!

Ask your sister why they still make it impossible to seek out adul children that were adopted prior to the rule changes? Searching for baby girl born on 8/10/1987 and adopted through LDS Social Services. They have been no help and actually go out of their way to be no help at all.

Because that would be breach of contract. The original contract between the parties had the agreement of sealed records. However, some workers will put a letter from you in your file in case the bmom decides to contact and ask them to check for one.

Because that would be breach of contract. The original contract between the parties had the agreement of sealed records. However, some workers will put a letter from you in your file in case the person decides to contact and ask them to check for one.

Actually there is no such legally binding contract because records are sealed at finalization, not at relinquishment. In fact, I know a few LDS birthmoms from that era, all who were told that they would be able to contact their child when they turned 18. When they came back to make contact they were told they had no rights.

Contract? I don't think so. I relinquished my son during this time and I was not given an expectation of privacy. My infant son surely didn't agree to sealed records and certainly didn't sign a contract to that effect. All adoption records were sealed back then. If you agreed to relinquish rights, you had no choice but to "agree" to sealed record. I did NOT sign a contract. I have also attempted several times over the past 8 or 9 years to place letters in the file to be given to my son upon his request and was flatly denied. I was even denied placing medical history information prepared by my doctor in my file by LDSFS. It makes me wonder what they're hiding.