Just too upset

I guess thats why im so Stressed tp ut it midly. Im glad that you understand how i feel, a few people have taken this the wrong way and feel that i am judgin parents for only wantin a white or white mixed baby. I am not doin that. what i am sayin is that what happens to the balck mixed babies if there are no black parents to adopt, or ethnic families ie... hispanic willing to adopt balck babies. if MOST families want a caucassion . mixed, asain, islander baby then who tkes the black child. our children are nto all tar colored nappy haired. we have a variety of shaded and hues textures and have been and can easily be set into a white family that has a bit of color to their skin as well. I judge no one, how can i I am a 30 yr old woman thinkin about giving her baby up to another family. I am unmarried and have 3 children do you not think i think my child will hate me, wonder why i gave her/ him away. what will my kids think, my son who would kill for a brother my 3 year old who woke uo one morning and told me her the baby in my tummy talked to her will say? I judge no one, i am just wondering what choices do i have?

You are not wrong for having those fears BUT i will tell you that I would like to think that the couple or family you choose, should you decide to place this precious baby would raise this child to know that you placed him or her with a couple or family who could provide and would be able to provide a better life for him or her and that it was the love you have for this child that made you come to the very difficult decision of placing. Your love for this child will give you the strength you need to make the decision that is right for this baby, your other children and yourself. Search your heart and soul and you will know what is the right choice. I know that when we are blessed with a baby, the child when old enough to understand will know the truth AND they will also know that their bmom loved them that much to make sure that the dreams she had for them would come true and that she still loves them as much as ever and our child will never hear one wrong word about his or her bmom and we want them to know their birthfamily, if that is what their bmom would want. All children are gifts from God and He does not know color, gender or ethnic background. All children are the same in the eyes of God and loving people. Feel free to write me privately if you wish at Poogiebr@ptd.net and hope you are doing fine and your children too. Jennifer

I just don't know the answers to your question. Maybe it has to do with the couples families, or the community they live in, or the other children in the household, or maybe it is fear that they may not be able to provide the ethnic education the child needs to know where he fits in the world around them. I could be many things, but there are also many who do not care about these things. There are many couples who do not care all they want is a child to love and would be willing and consider it a privilege to be considered to raise your child. So before you get to frustrated be patient the right couple will present themselves and you will know deep inside yourself that this is the right thing for you. Be Patient and God Bless Ruth

I have 2 kids, one adopted as an older child (he came into our lives at 4, adopted at 7, only took so long because of paper problems). Anyways my husband and I are white, my kids are both MULTI-racial. The oldest is not at all white. It works for our family, but not for everyone. I will tell you one thing for sure though, I have the most gorgeous kids I've ever seen!!!!!!!:D

I just want to know if i choose adoption there will be choices out there for me and now i feel like my choices are very limited. Ive heard that the costs area great and that may prevent many families from being able to adopt children> I hate this system that keeps children out of good homes due to money. They chage you to do so many things. a family wants to open their home to children for whatever reason and the government slaps a heafty price tag on the kids, how unjust is that to both the birth mom the adoptive familyl and the children.

I live in Canada, I don't know where you are, but here a Bmom can go to The Ministry for Children and Families to look at home studies and choose a potential adoptive family from there. It costs very little to adopt a child through them. They don't show a mom home studies from the people who have been "waiting longest" you can choose from any one.

There are other options for you concerning adoption. Alot of agencies do charge far too much making it difficult to adopt through them. Leaving alot of children especially those of color without a family. You may want to consider a private adoption(direct placment). You can decide if you want it open and how open,semi open or closed. In a private adoption you would be the one placing your child with the adoptive couple, not a agency placing the child. Custody would go from you to them without child ever being placed in fostercare. The adoptive couple would have a attorney do the paperwork and could help you with your pregnancy related expensies, That would keep cost down since no agency is involved other than the couple having a homestudy done. This is the way we chose to adopt our little girl, we had been working with a agency. But met the birthmom of our child on my Job. She too was working with another agency but they were not really doing a very good job of making sure she had what she needed as far as even basic living expenses. They were charging adoptive couples over 18,0000 and complained about helping Birthmom with her rent. Anyway we got to talking and after developing a relationship and all. She decided to place with us. We took care of her expenses during Preg and until she was able to go back to work. She chose to have a open relationship with us and we have honored that. She has since then given birth again and had planned on placing with us but there was a problem with possible birthfather (long story) and we are unsure what is going to happen with that but we are supportive of her no matter what happens. Anyway, my point is I know that there are alot of couples out there wanting to adopt and race is not a issue. It not with us and I know there are others as well. A situation of a direct placement may be a real option for you. Have a great day

ok so if its not through an agency then how do you find these families? and how do they find you? congradulations on your being able to find what you wanted...

As others have told you, the type of parents you mention are definitely out there. While they may not be the majority of prospective adoptive parents, there certainly are lots of them. I would guess that they're not the ones advertising on the internet. The profiles you find on the internet (and with people sounding desperate) are probably put there because "competition" for healthy caucasian babies in high. My suggestion is that you call a bunch of agencies and maybe adoption attornies in your area. Get together a list of questions for them and then pick the one you think you want to work with. They'll show you profiles of the people they're working with. And if you don't like those, ask to see more. And keep asking and asking until you find what you're looking for. Most agencies want to place within their agency (they get all the $$ that way), but they'll also network out for you if that's what it will take. (Or maybe this is something you need to ask the agencies to confirm). Another option (if you're comfortable with it) is to tell everyone you know that you're thinking of placing your baby for adoption. I bet someone has a "friend of a friend" they can put you in touch with. Best wishes for you.

see i guess thats what a private adoption is.like just letting people know your in the situation to look for adoptive parents . I am not in a situation where lettin people know is an obtion. As ive stated im in this alone. I dont have support of my family so they dont knowim pregnant and id like to keep it that way. When i move to VA mabe, but then i wont know anyone to tell. there is no way to get in to uch with familes who dont go through the agencies?

kiexiza There are many ways to get in touch with families who aren't using agencies. Profiles here on the Internet is one good way. Here at ParentProfiles. Or [url]www.hopetoadopt.com.[/url] Or abcadoptions. Many more. I wouldn't rule out agencies completely. The agency we are working with has a set adoption fee for the adoptive parents. Which is around $4,000. Which you would have a hard time adopting privately for that inexpensive. They also have counseling for birthfamilies. They aren't just an adoption agency. They are a Family Service. Here is a toll free number, if you want more info: 1-800-537-6658. The agency in VA's number is: 804-743-0727. It is in Richmond Virginia. There are also other agencies who subsidize adoptions. You just have to call them, and ask their fees. Best to you! Stephanie

thank you for all your help during thisa stressful time. its been nice to have people that i can ask questions of to help me in this decision. I thought that this is what this forum was for, to get advice and to help others. a place for birth moms qana adoptive familes to go and to talk. how can yo be on here and not say your a birth mom or adoptive family? its nothing any of yo have said but its come to my attention that by my sayin im a birth mom and lookin for help ive vio;lated the policies of this site. I guess this has just further confused me as to the purpose of what i thought was th ebest thing that had come into my life durin this time. If anyone would like to talk to me further please email me ms.tigar@attbi.com I unfortunately will not be comin back to this site.

I agree, lovestory. [url]www.hopetoadopt.com[/url] is good and has a nice search engine that allows you to select on lots of different criteria when doing your searches.

thanks to all of you who ahve herlped me to deal with what could be a really bad time . being alone int his is hard and havin no one really to talk to is harder. thanks for your help and advice as i decide WHAT it is im goin to do. I think not sure totally but i think im goin to keep my baby. the few people in my life who know me best (3) have been really talkin to me and prayin with me and im not done yet with the understandin of it all but i think GOD is puttin things and people in plce to halp me deal with keepin my baby so thanks to all of you i didnt get to stressed out and im past the thought of aborting. THANKS a WHOLE BUNCH FOR THAT. KIE'

Kiexiza, hi we are trusting you have found the solution for yourself and your baby. If you would like to discuss further please contact me we have adopted two other times and are desiring to do so again. Color should never play a part in the decison of a family to love a child as their own, God created all of us in his image that satisfies me. May his peace rest pon you and my prayer is that he'll lead you to the right source for your needs. God Bless, Gloria