Country/Risks?

You pose a good question. I don't know the answer. In children that have experienced neglect - rates of difficulties are high. Neglect affects brain development and leaves the child at risk for many disabilities including reactive attachment disorder, learning disabilities, sensory integration disorder and auditory processing disorders. But then again there are many children that have been in horrendously neglectful situations and came out relatively unscathed. You have any way of knowing for sure. Just like giving birth, there are no 100% guarentees in adoption. You can have videotapes/medical records of prospective children reviewed by professionals. Records are often inaccurate. My son was diagnosed mentally retarded at the orphanage - recent testing showed that he has an IQ of 101!!! As you are interested in adopting an older child the most important questions to ask yourself are: Are you open to learning? Your child will come with issues you are not familiar with. At a minimal, adopted children may need supports to cope with loss issues. Are you willing to learn, not only about adoption in general, but about the issues that come with older children. Are you willing to think outside the box? Are you willing to learn new parenting techniques (traditional parenting often makes things worse)? Your child will come to you with a history. Love alone often cannot undo those early experiences. Are you willing to take your child to specialists trained to handle their special needs? Any child adopted at an older age is inherently special needs. They may need minor supports to catch up, or they may need a battery of therapies including OT, PT, vision, speech, psychology. You will need to be willing to seek out properly trained professionals as most therapists don't have the training or experience to treat issues of neglect/adoption. This may mean significant travel, as these therapists are far and few between. Are you willing to "take on the system" and fight for your child? School districts, pediatricians, social workers are not very well trained in issues of neglect. If your child has even minor issues related to their neglect, you may find yourself needing to fight for even the most minor accomodations with the schools. Do you have a good support system? You will likely face issues that your friends/family are not experience with. You may find others blaming you if your child has problems. Our childrens issues are so poorly understood by people in general - that you will likely find yourself alone in this battle. Everyone will work desperately to convince you that your child is fine and not in need of any help. You alone, will need to fight for what you know your child needs. If you can answer yes to the above questions - then jump right into adoption of an older child. If not, then I encourage you to do some research first. Adopting an older child can be a very rewarding and wonderful experience. But it is also has very significant stressors, especially for those who are unprepared. It is not a Pollyanna experience! (then again neither is parenting in general). For my story - we adopted my son at age 3 yrs, 9 months from a Russian orphanage. His staff really seemed to care deeply about him. My son has very significant issues related to neglect. He has been successfully treated for reactive attachment disorder. He has made great progress with OT for sensory integration. He is in need of speech therapy for auditory processing difficulties, we are still trying to locate a qualified therapist. My son is now 10 years old. He's in regular ed, 4th grade. He has issues he will struggle with for the rest of his life - but he is a wonderful kid. The future is his to behold, he can become anything he desires. I am immensly proud of him and all he has accomplished. He is a true success story. While he may be a poster child for the legacy of neglect, he is also a poster child for successful older child adoptions. It's been a lot of work, but extremely rewarding to see him blossom. Would I do it over again - YES, in a heart beat!!!!!!!!! Hope this has helped. My intent is not to be discouraging - but to urge you to go into this knowledgable and prepared to handle any issues that may arise. DimasMom

The primary issue is the age of the child. Institutionalization is a form of neglect. An abused child and a neglected/institutionalized child, each 2 or 3 years old, will likely have diffiulties, albeit different issues. So, the the county of origin is not a salient issue. That being said, there are some things to consider about different counties. FAS is a higher risk in Russia because of the high per capita alcohol consumption. Romania tends to have some of the worst orphanages in the world. Korea often uses foster homes and at times, so does Vietnam and Cambodia, as well as some south american countries. I'd recommend you select an agency that you feel comfortable working with..get references and check out three or four families who adopted 2 or more years ago. Hope this helps Regards

Hi, We adopted a 3 year old girl from the Republic of Georgia which is located south of Russia. I have not seen it mentioned on this adoption board. We had a very positive experience. She is developementally delayed but is making huge strides and we have only been home 3months. We have not seen any attachement problems and it seems to us that she recieved great love from adults. She was moved from the orphanage to a foster home to prepare her for us and the move. I think they did a great job and is one reason she has adapted so well. Just thought I would mention Georgia in your search for countries. We loved the country and the people.

Georga, Poland, Kazakastan, Columbia, Panama, China, Cambodia, Mongolia, Nepal, India.....There are many counties to adopt from and there are individual success and horror stories for each. It is important that you work with an agency with a proven track record and experience in the country of interest. It is also vital that you educate yourself about the short and long-term effects of intitutuional care on a child's psychological, social, emotional, physical, and sensory development so that you can address issues early on. While it is such a beautiful time, the arrival of your child. It is important to not bury your head or shy away from looking for what subtle signs you should attend to so that your child has the best possible start. Best regards,