Good news and bad news

Musicmama - that one lie of hers has the real potential to be a red-flag. If she lied about the race of the bfather out of fear you might not want the baby, I'd have to wonder what else she might have lied about too out of the same fear. It's good that you are still accepting of the baby regardless of race - I love to see that kind of openness. If she's done drugs or drank alcohol while pregnant or has some medical/mental issue in her background that might have an impact on the health of the baby, what's to say she hasn't lied about that as well? What if you weren't as accepting of a BR child as you are... and she never revealed it? What would have happened after the baby was born? She could have been taking a very serious risk about having you adopt her child. She was willing to lie about that... and possibly what else? I don't mean to be a doubting-thomasina, I just get very nervous when the first lie is revealed. I hope it works out very positively and NOTHING else happens.

Hoefully everything will go o.k. with hearing and they won't move her so far away. I will pray that. That is neat about your baby probally being biracial. our daughters bmom had told us the father was a blond haired blue eyed guy. I considered not going through with the adoption because I knew we were supose to adopt a bi-racial little girl. about 3 years before she was born I had a dream actually a several dreams about us adopting a little biracial girl. I am not a artist by anymeans but I drew a picture of her. I remeber praying asking God if this wasn't the child for us that he stop the adoption. according to bmom the father was cc and the doctors did 3 ultrasounds and said it was a boy. I wanted my issac(child of promise) and not a Ishmeal. But God knew what he was doing. out came a beatiful little girl. A few days after she was born I noticed a mongolian spot on the small of her back which children of color have it is like where their pigment is concentrated. I got so excited because I knew that this was the child of promise!! A prophetic dream come true. God is so good. You know what when she was 2 I piked her up at daycare and they had done her hair. when I looked at her I got goosebumps because I had seen her like that before. When I got home I got my journal and found the picture I had drawn and that was her to a T. You will have fun with your childs hair. My daughters hair is so beatiful,but she is tenderheaded and being so curly it takes alot of work. She is so pretty. Just bragging. I know you must be excited.

Marfrey, thank you for your concern... This adoption experience has definitely been an education for us! My dh and I have both led a fairly sheltered life, so we weren't really prepared to see through all the lies that have come so easily to her...but we are definitely learning... Although we feel badly for her situation, we know that she is the one responsible for it, and we don't feel like she should receive "special" treatment from the system just because she is pregnant and planning on placing her baby. As Christians, we know that God is calling us to minister His love to her, but we also know that she must live with the consequences of her actions, and that if we try to make it too easy on her, she may never fully accept that responsibility, and fall right back into her past dangerous lifestyle. The are things we know to be facts: She lied about her name. We know that she has had multiple partners, and is currently being treated for an active STD outbreak. She lied about the bfather(s). We know that she is a drug/alcohol addict who is currently clean, but not from her own choice. We also know that both her mother and her father died from complications arising from alcoholism. We know she is pregnant, and is due Jan 30th. (I saw the ultrasound.) We know that she was turned down as a client by every adoption agency she contacted prior to contacting our facilitator. We know that SRS will take her baby from her at the hospital if we don't adopt the baby, so she really "needs" us, so she can feel like she has some element of control in all this. We know the bfather just last week started serving a prison sentence of 5 yrs. We know that neither of them has any family to step forward and accept responsibility for this baby. These are things we aren't sure about: She may have lied about her birthdate, she may have lied about her age, or the bfather's age, she may have lied about her drug/alcohol usage during the early stage of her pregnancy before she was incarcerated and was unable to "partake". She may have lied about the results of her HIV/AIDS test. She very likely lied about how many cigarettes she was smoking each day while she was in the RTC. She may have lied about planning to call us so we can be at the hospital when the baby is born. Trust me, these lies make it difficult for us to believe her about anything, but ultimately, we just have to trust that God brought her across our path for a reason, and also trust that He will protect us in our ignorance. Not to say we shouldn't be informed, but if she chooses to lie to us, we don't really have any way of stopping her, or of ascertaing the truth on our own. But--we definitely have our eyes wide open now! :eek: :( Musicmama

I loved your story about your "child of promise"! :) What a beautiful testimony you have! We have been sure all along that we wanted to adopt a bi-racial baby, so when she said the bfather was blond-blue eyed, we just thought, "Ok Lord, whatever...you know what's best!" But to be totally honest, we were a little disappointed. Now we are just thrilled...in fact, when I told my dh this eve., he said I had "made his day"... he was nearly "giddy" with excitement! Musicmama

MUSICMOMMA, I WAS JUST CURIOUS HOW THINGS WERE GOING??

Thanks for asking, Abigail... M went to her court date, and our facilitator found out several other things that M had been lying about...the day she went AWOL from the residential facility, she got high on crack cocaine, and she admitted to being a crack addict. She had previously told the facilitator that she had only had a couple "hits" of pot. I guess we need to be prepared for the baby to suffer from drug and alcohol exposure. She most likely did drugs during the first three months of her pregnancy, but other than the one slipup a month ago, she has been totally clean (because of being in jail) since then. I don't know how much this will affect the baby, but we'll need to be prepared, in any case. The judge effectively put her case on hold until after the baby is born. He gave her caseworker 45 days to write a report and come up with a treatment plan for M. He said he wouldn't send her to prison, because all of her 28 convictions were drug related, and that she just needed treatment, not incarceration. The baby should be born within that time-frame. *If* they don't find her a bed in a treatment facility in 60 days, by law they will have to release her from jail. He told M that he hoped that didn't happen, because he knew she would probably be rearrested within a matter of days---and she agreed with him. So for now, she will stay at the county jail until they decide what to do with her. We are so glad that she won't be sent so far away from us...we shouldn't have any trouble being at the hospital for the birth. Because she is an inmate, I don't think they will let her have any access to the baby after she's born, but I'm not entirely sure about that. We were told that we would have a room to ourselves, and that the baby would be brought to us as soon as she is born. We also found out that M is still hiding the baby's father's identity and ethnicity. She has changed her story so many times, no one knows which one is right. The baby may be white after all, because when our facilitator asked her about the time of conception, at first she said the AA pbfather was out of jail from May until July, and that's when she got pregnant. Well, if you do the math, he couldn't be the father of a baby due Jan. 30th. The facilitator showed her that the dates didn't "mesh up", and she said, "Oh, I *meant* to say that he was out of jail from April until June." Uhhh Huhh.....So, we still don't know what the truth is. We hope there isn't another "phantom father" out there, because he hasn't been given the chance to sign away his parental rights, and who knows what repercussions that might bring to the whole situation. We really wanted to go to the jail to see M, but found out we can't unless we disclose our full name to her. The facilitator strongly advised against doing that, because of her drug background, and also because the pbfather is in prison for a violent crime. In this case, we feel it is better if they don't have access to our personal information. So, we are now just waiting for the birth...5 weeks and counting! We are basically ready...nursery is all set up, big ticket items like car seat and stroller have been purchased, etc. etc, but I have plenty to do to keep me busy for the next few weeks. I still need to get some Dreft, and launder all the baby's clothes, go through several boxes of donated clothes, get some more diapers, and finish making Roman shades for 2 of the 3 windows in the nursery. My f-i-l has been visiting us for the last week, so I haven't done much of anything, but it's been good for me to have a small break from the preparations. Dh has had several days off from work, and will go back next Mon., but we have more family coming on New Year's Eve for several days, so I probably won't get back to the "grind" until week after next. On New Year's Day I will get to see my newest grand niece for the first time, who is around 6 months old. I have three grand nephews and one grand niece...And here I am at my age starting all over again...I must be nuts! ;) Nahhh, I just love kids! :D I'll keep you updated! Musicmama

Musicmomma I really admire your commitment to this child. This child will really be blessed to have a mother like you. I just read your story and with all the lies the Bmom have told and all the unknowns you are facing, you are still committed and excited about your babys birth. I pray that God will bless your baby with good health and place a special blessing upon your family. I hope everything works for the good, for your family and your new baby. Remember everything works for the good for those who love the Lord. May God Bless You!