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How do you get a 10 yr old to face up to the fact that the family isn't getting back together and that her father isn't going to be nice?
How do you get another 10yr old to not get angry at the slightest thing and to listen when she is told to do something?
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James Covey, in his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective people has a wonderful saying, 'Seek first to understand and then to be understood.' This is good advice for adults talking to other adults and also for adults talking to children.
Kids need to know they are listened to and understood. They always hope their parents will remarry after divorce and that their family will be reunited. So, listening to children is very important, letting them know that you understand their longing to be in their families with loving parents. It is very powerful when we are in pain, to talk to someone who is really really hearing us.
Regarding anger, kids need a safe way to express it ... a way that is appropriate. Sometimes it comes out when it is not appropriate ... so listening to kids and allowing them to express their angry feelings can help them feel understood and more willing to help out.
NancyNic
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