What is the procedure here?

Originally Posted By JerryI guess I would call our discipline "pretty textbook" thinking (at least to me). Here's the scenarioTwo siblings, both diagnosed bipolar. Lot's and lot's of behavior issues at home and school. Both in classrooms for behavioral disordered kids. Both ride the bus (different busses). We live in a rural area and the bus ride can be up to 90 minutes. Both children were suspended from the bus fairly early in the school year for 3 days each. We folded to the pressure from the school to drive them back and forth, costing me almost 20 hours of vacation time. Kids do some extra work to pay me back and so forth. Still I don't think it was much consequence at all, more of a reward for them. One child is moved to the Speciaal Ed bus, and does great. absolutely no problems since their transfer to the new bus. Second child stays on the old bus and invariably gets suspended again. This is after a hap hazard attempt by the school to provide weekly bus behavior reports (I got one in 12 weeks). This time I tell the school I will not be bringing the child, nor picking them up. They protest, I tell them I won't "do" my child's consequence for them. Since we live 21 miles from the school and kiddo can't hold onto their allowance to "pay" for transportation we have to come up with another plan. I tell the school, and kiddo, that for the 3 day suspension their schedule will be as follows. At 6:30AM (when they normally board the bus) they will return to their room where they will stay until 4:00PM (when the bus drops them off). Kiddo is 8 years old, so staying in their room all day isn't a reward. I tell the school that if they desire they are welcome to send homework, but that will be their decision. I recieve several protests from the school and refuse to comply with their request to drive them back and forth. I even tell them I would agree to "them" stopping by and picking up kiddo. After the last comment they agree that this is an appropriate consequence.Kiddo is given snacks and lunch (in their room) and finishes the consequence vowing to "never" put themselves in that situation again..........well it sounds good anyway!!LOL!!!This is pretty classic Love and Logic stuff. What do you think? Was it appropriate? It pretty much defines how we parent. I share with the kids that there are always consequences for their actions. Some consequences are good and some are bad. Something along the lines of Voltaire...."You can do anything you want as long as you accept responsibility for your actions." This has defused a lot of arguements with teenagers in the past and we're comfortable with this type of parenting, but we're always looking for new approaches and ideas. Has anyone else had this problem? How did you deal with it?

Originally Posted By DiannaWow! You sound like a chapter out of "Love and Logic". Well done!!! I imagine it takes a lot of energy (mental and physical) to carry on with this great method but in the end, I think you will be glad that your effort was well spent. I hope you have a good support system in your area besides on the Boards. Take care and best wishes.

Originally Posted By JerrySince we did have to transfer from California several years ago, where our family is, we don't have that support system. We have some support from our stretched county agency, but our main support comes from the children's therapist. We have always used the concept of consequences in our parenting. The Love and Logic models helped to refine some of our approaches. I am remiss in that I have only looked at small excerpts from Nancy Thomas" work. I like what I've seen, and do appreciate hearing what other's have gleaned. I do quite a bit of reading, so I'm hoping to read her book soon. Thanks for replying.

I know for my son, that bussing would have the same results you have seen. Even with the RAD resolved, the sensory integration issues would make the bus ride an impossibility for him. My son is easily overstimulated by auditory and tactile input. So between the noise, the bouncing and sitting in close quarters - he'd be a major behavior problem on the bus. Do you have diagnosis for your children -that would support a rehab 504 plan? This is basically a service contract that dictates the school provide accomodations for their needs. I know transportation needs are covered in IEP's - so am assuming it would be appropriate to have them covered in 504. Perhaps preferential seating, a seat to themselves, and plugging into a walkman could help your children be successful. Or a smaller vehicle. Our local bus garage has several vans, ideal for rural pickups. Good luck. I feel so lucky to live in town, and have a job with flex scheduling. Otherwise might be fighting the bussing dilema along with you!! Keep the pressure on the school, Jerry - you're doing a great job!! Another idea for missing school - is to institute an apprentiship. During school hours, you provide your child with the wonderful opportunity to learn a new job skill: scrubbing floors, cleaning toilets etc. Just took one day of his apprentiship and my son really "cleaned" up his act at school! Key to this is to be playful (but firm), not punnative. Just be that incredibly awesome parent, that wants to assure you child can support themself without an education.

we have used the "life skills" a la Nancy Thomas with great success - i.e. school is a priviledge and if you lose it because of your actions (behavior or not doing homework) then you must learn life skills because you will still have to get a job! Where we live there is a large tomato farm, with lots of migrant labor. Ralph sees this every day (in season) on his way to and from school, so it is a good reminder of what type of work is available to one with no or little education. (Ralph is quite smart, no learning disabilities....just can't keep his mouth shut!!!) We have used this concept when he acts up at school - usually outdoor physical labor, things like picking up leaves, rocks, moving topsoil, etc., works well. The good part of it is that Dad is always out there helping him.....so even when it is physical labor he gets time with Dad. Has worked every time so far....now if he could just remember from time to time what happens....although I still believe one of these days he is going to put it all together and remember!!!