School Issues

Just got back from a meeting at the school and need to vent. Overall it went well, I really do like my son's teacher and now that we are almost through the school year - she really is doing better at understanding his issues. Thought I would seek a little professional advise and pick the brains of some other parents. Guidance counselor sat in on this meeting too. For a little background. My son is 9, in regular ed, has a service contract for OT consultation for Sensory Integration Disorder and a full time/classroom aide. He has been successfully treated for Reactive Attachment Disorder and is successfully medicated for mild bipolar disorder. There was just one undertone of the meeting that has me really upset. It's the old "blame the Mom" stuff, that way the school can sit back and say they don't have to do anything. Apparently my son is manipulating me into believing he needs OT services. I take him outpatient twice a month for SI therapy. He has made tremendous progress there. School OT is not trained in SI and pretty much worthless as a support for him. They are so concerned about me "wasting so much money", Am I "sure they are not just trying to milk me along for money". My suggestion that while my son may look OK on the surface, but to a trained eye he is struggling - just fell on deaf ears. He has a very significant SI disorder. Hasn't been reassessed yet since he started therapy last summer -so I know he's doing a lot better. But at the time of initial assessment he was below the 2nd percentile on almost every measure.They also don't understand how the whole neglect piece fits in here. My son is not going to tell them he is struggling, he is not going to tell them that he is upset. He is the master of wearing a happy mask and stuffing his feelings inside. I am able to pull this out of him, but I need to work at it. And I've been a constant in his life for almost 6 years, and I did the intensive attachment therapy with him. I think his teacher was really hurt recently when he showed that he did not trust her and went to the nurse behind her back (she would not let him remove a bandage I had put on his arm for a large abrasion - the bandaging was driving him crazy due to tactile defensiveness). I tried to explain that this is not personal, but it is very unlikely that a child with a history of severe neglect is going to be able to fully trust someone they have known for less than 1 year. That is just a reality the school has trouble grasping. Thus again the assumption that since he only reports problems related to school to me at home (where he feels safe), that again - he is trying to manipulate me or trying to get attention from me. It just can't be because his needs are not being fully addressed at school. Guidance counselor also is untrained in bipolar. She just hates to see kids on medications "unless you really know they need it". And yes, she is aware that I continued to let this child abuse and rage for months after the bipolar diagnosis because I did not want to believe it, and I too don't believe in medication. Despite 2 unsuccessful attempts to wean him off of Risperdal, she still persists in her view. Her conclusion, "he must have just been in withdrawal, that's why the behavior increased". I'm not an expert, but have never heard or read of anything that indicated that a child will have "withdrawal" from .5 mg of Risperdal. Some other advise today that makes no sense. I was told today that I "really need to let my son have experiences with other children. This is so important at his age". Where did they decide that he wasn't. Again I think this goes back to blame the Mom. If he has social skills problems, it's because I won't let him go. Lets see, every day he goes from school to day care. We get home at 5:30 at night. He plays with neighbor kids until supper. Then a little family time, and to bed. He is in cub scouts. He attends summer camp for the full summer. He attends childrens church and sunday school. He plays soccer. He takes swimming lessons and was in a local church play, he goes to the family center program 1 afternoon a week. Problem with most community activities is that they insist on me providing a 1:1 for my son. He really does well but is dependant on the presence of a strong authority figure. I have put my son into things without a 1:1 and 100% of the time I get a call within a few weeks and am told he needs extra support. Besides - I don't see how he can do much more than he already does. I don't believe in overprogramming kids. He's in enough activities in my book, and plays with other children every day!! Well, better stop venting. I really did take the day off from work today to work on a paper for school. Has anyone out there had success in getting the school to better understand SI and bipolar issues. The teacher does read everything I send it and I do try to explain things in his log book. But I feel like I just need to try something more. They refuse to colloborate with his psychologist or OT. Guess they just don't trust them "big city folks" that I take my kid too (sorry Art, I keep trying!). Thanks for being there. And again - sorry this is so long. And yes, if you meet me in person, I am just as long winded! LOL. DimasMom