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I'm looking for birth parents for reasons of medical history, but also to let them know how I currently am and to say "thank you" for being willing to give me up for adoption. I was adopted through LDS Social Services in March of 1979. I was born on January 31, 1979.
Thank you.
"Glyolis"
Eight years have passed since I first left the above message. I don't feel like I'm any closer to having real answers, but I've talked to some very nice people.
Sometimes, it makes me wonder if my birth family has any interest in finding out about me. I wonder if they think they're somehow protecting me, a 32 year old man. For me, finding out who my birth parents are is about finding part of my identity, a part that has been taken and hidden from me. I don't care if the news is bad, at least I would have knowledge of where I actually come from.
I have learned since 2003 to throw away any pre-conceived notions that I had. For starters, no matter where my birth certificate says I was born, my birth parents probably weren't from there. Also, just because I was adopted through a religious-based agency, that certainly does not mean that my birth parents share that religion.
I suppose my next step is to order my "non identifying" information, which can take months. The quotes are on purpose---I know the info is scant, but my hope is that by piecing together some clues I can make progress on locating a family. I've been told that LDS Family Services is a pain to work with and highly sensitive about private information.
Birth parents may have a myriad of reasons they don't want their adopted child to know who they really are, but in the end, they made the decision to have a child. In my mind, while I appreciate the fact that they gave me up for adoption, I also don't feel that it absolves them of the fact that I still exist. I don't want this to sound overly harsh, but an adopted child is not 'out of sight, out of mind' and you never have to deal with it again.
Hopefully in time, someone from the family will gain the desire to know more about who I am and reach out to me. I've searched my birth date and city on Google, and this post ranks up there so it should be easy to find, along with the other sites that I've left info on. I just hope it doesn't take another eight years.
I will find you, Mom and Dad, whether in this life or the next. I'd just prefer it to be sooner rather than later. :)
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I'm in a very similar boat (boy born 11/29/78 in Orlando, adopted through LDSSS). I've found LDSFS to be difficult to work with, but I was able to badger them enough to get the info, for whatever it's worth. It's nice just to make some progress.
Read through some of the older, longer threads on this forum, and you'll see that there's a very good chance your b-parent(s) were simply beaten into submission by a very tough organization. Sign up of ISRR (Soundex), sign up for whatever State of Georgia registry there is , sign up for the registry here, and keep us up to date.
Good luck. With LDSFS, you'll need it.
Thanks Cowtown. Sorry to read about your experience.
As an update, I was reading through the forums and read up on the experience of a birth mother with the agency in Georgia who said she was able to get them to act as a confidential intermediary, per Georgia state law.
Last Monday (17 Oct 2011) I called up the only LDSFS adoption agency in Georgia and talked to them. They knew the law I was referring to and were extremely nice about it. Not only did they say they would help, but they no longer charge $70 like they did five years ago.
I had to work with my local agency to where I live to get the paperwork submitted. They were extremely nice too, although there was some resistance because I don't think they fully understood that while my parents picked me up in their agency, I was born and put into the adoption process in Georgia, so state law applied there. They said they would work with the agency down there and figure out how they could help.
So, I'm sorry to read about all of the other negative experiences. Other than the small confusion on Georgia law, which I wouldn't expect a Utah agency to understand, they've been very helpful and friendly.
My paperwork should all be submitted and hopefully I'll have a response soon. :) Good luck cowtown!
chrislcoray
Thanks Cowtown. Sorry to read about your experience.
As an update, I was reading through the forums and read up on the experience of a birth mother with the agency in Georgia who said she was able to get them to act as a confidential intermediary, per Georgia state law.
Last Monday (17 Oct 2011) I called up the only LDSFS adoption agency in Georgia and talked to them. They knew the law I was referring to and were extremely nice about it. Not only did they say they would help, but they no longer charge $70 like they did five years ago.
I had to work with my local agency to where I live to get the paperwork submitted. They were extremely nice too, although there was some resistance because I don't think they fully understood that while my parents picked me up in their agency, I was born and put into the adoption process in Georgia, so state law applied there. They said they would work with the agency down there and figure out how they could help.
So, I'm sorry to read about all of the other negative experiences. Other than the small confusion on Georgia law, which I wouldn't expect a Utah agency to understand, they've been very helpful and friendly.
My paperwork should all be submitted and hopefully I'll have a response soon. :) Good luck cowtown!
I'm glad you've got state law helping you out. Once the paperwork is in, remember to follow up. They were unfailingly polite to me at the Texas location I went to in order to put in my paperwork, but there were unusual delays and I had to follow up repeatedly.
It was nice information (to the extent it turns out to be accurate), and if I'm able to acquire any further leads, I think it'll be really helpful.
cowtown
I'm glad you've got state law helping you out. Once the paperwork is in, remember to follow up. They were unfailingly polite to me at the Texas location I went to in order to put in my paperwork, but there were unusual delays and I had to follow up repeatedly.
It was nice information (to the extent it turns out to be accurate), and if I'm able to acquire any further leads, I think it'll be really helpful.
I was the birthmom who finally got LDSFS in GA to comply with GA law and provide a confidential intermediary. It was a two year process - partly because the local agency did not understand the law and had never been asked to do a search before. And partly because some of the people that worked there felt like the Mormon Church was not accountable to the state of GA - they seemed to think they were answering to a "higher law". There is another way - you can get the state of GA to do the search. They have a fixed price (I am not sure how much it is now). The day after I finally got LDSFS to agree to the search, the state office called me and said they had finally found my birthsons amended b.c. - that had been the hold up. My advice is to keep following up with LDSFS. Hold their feet to the fire. And don't let them charge you any more than the state would (I think it is something like $350). Please, please let me know if I can help.
Good Luck,
Deb
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Cool. I actually did get my non-identifying information. It surprised me how like my birth parents I am, more so than my adoptive parents. It took a few months extra because the local agency here in Utah screwed up and lost my information. They tried to claim they didn't but I challenged them on it and they finally conceded. I did have to go back and re-sign the paperwork but they expedited it luckily.
Still waiting to hear back from the GA agency. They had phone numbers for family members on both sides, but no one is responding.