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I gave birth in Oct of 1981 at the Edna Gladney Home, as it was called at that time. Right before my birth daughter was 18 I signed the registry and waited. In September of this year I was notified that my birth daughter had also signed up. I then found out her first name and what state she lived in. I proceeded to do everything that was required of me, a letter with recent pictures, signed the consent form and had my counciling session. So far my birth daughter has done nothing else. My question is why sign up and then do nothing? I understand that she may be running scared and that she has a busy life, even if she needs time which is fine by me but could she just tell the caseworker who is working the file this. Am I asking to much? I have spent the last 21 years waiting and I will continue to wait until she is ready but it is hard to understand. If there is any other adoptees from Gladney who can explain this to me I would greatly appreciate some insight. I am not wanting to intrude in her life, I am here to answer any questions that she may have. If any other birthmothers have gone through this I would like to hear from also.
Molly
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Molly'
I wasn't at Gladney, but I was at St. Anne's (1981) and I have reunited, but at this time my reuinion is at a stand still, although my son (as well as myself) thought he was ready, if I had to do it over, I would have waited until he was older, so many things going on at 21 and then you put your birthmom in the mix, I think there was way too many emotions for for him to understand.
I think it's good that your daughter is taking her time, it doesn't mean that she doesn't want to see you, I think she just wants to make sure she's ready, give her time, I know it's hard to do, but in the meantime you can prepare yourself, because your not going to believe all the emotions your going to have, but it's so worth it.
Lewey
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Lewey,
I know all the emotions that I have already gone through and that was hard. It was like going through it all over again. I am willing to give her all thime she needs believe me! I want her to be ready for this if it ever happens. I just hope that at one time she will be ready to meet me.
Molly
Even when someone thinks that they are ready, when the are finally found or do the finding, unexpected emotions come up, for us mothers it usually brings up the first Trauma of losing/reliquishing our children, I am not sure for adoptee's but I am sure that they to experience emotions that they may not be prepared to deal with. Its good for both sides to take a step back and breath, rushing in can cause all sorts of confusion and injury. Its difficult when one is ready and the other is not, paitence is needed, which could be hard to understand for the one that is ready,the feeling of rejection is always at the forefront. Its almost surreal when you finally find or be found. The fantasy needs time to disperse. I know that you must be going through a difficult time, take it as she really cares about you and knows she needs time to adjust to the effect of finding you
Hugs
Melissa
Hi Molly, I think what you are going through is very common. There are so many different personalities involved and so many different emotions reunions can be quite confusing. I am sure your bdaughter is glad you have found each other, but she just needs a little time to step back and take things slow. This is hard--I know. We have waited so long for the day just to be able to give them a great big hug and tell them how much we really did love them. This however, can be very over-whelming for the adoptee. Many different feelings come up from everyone in the triad. I think it is best to continue to let her know you will be available to her when she is ready, but let her take her time. Maybe send her a thinking of you card with a "short" note attached. I know you are willing to wait however long. This is the best thing you can do. My prayers are with you as you wait--I know it seems to take forever, because we have waited SOO long. Good things come to those who have patience. :D spete
I AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING . I FOUND MY BIRTHSON 2 WEEKS AGO AND HE WAS SEARCHING TOO WE HAD A GREAT FIRST CONVERSATION BUT AFTER THAT BASICALY NOTHING DO A SEARCH ON THIS SITE" RELATIONSHIP STAGES AFTER REUNION" IT WAS VERY HELPFUL TO ME AND EXPLAINS THE SITUATION WE ARE BOTH GOING THROUGH. best of luck to u!!! my e-mail is skroski@comcast.net if u need to vent some of your feelings.:)
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Hi, I am working with a young lady, that is having the reverse problem.
May I ask you if they charged you more than 15.00
They charged her 350.00 and then said they couldn't do anything more than send a letter via mail to the birthmother.
Then they told her the b/mom contacted them, when in fact it turned out they had her confused with another adoptee.
So, now they say they can't phone. (against the rules)
They have to wait for the b/mom to contact them, and sign up.
Did they charge you for the 1 hr. counseling session?
Joan