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I just need to vent.
My daughter's birth parents gave up rights to her many months ago. Other family members tried to get custody of her, but none were approved. So my daughter was placed with me for adoption. Recently, her sibling was placed with a bio family member. That family member is receiving state aid for this child (UNBELIEVABLE!), which included day care support. Of all the day cares in our entire large city, she of course chose the one my daughter attends!! Granted, she did not know this, and still doesn't, but I must now move my daughter to another day care (upsetting her life even more than the three foster homes and two day cares she's already been through!)!
I am extremely angry with the state agencies for not doing their home work and figuring out that DUH, they should leave that ONE day care off the list offered to this woman. And even though they were unaware, I'm angry with my daughter's bio family for once again doing something to cause her difficulty. On top of it all, I found out that they live near us. So now I have to drive to another part of town to shop, go to the park, etc. And we can no longer use my daughter's name in public. I'm even considering changing her first name.
I just can't believe this is happening.
I DO NOT want to hear about the birth family's rights, blah blah blah. I know all that. Frankly, I don't care about them or their rights. If a relationship were possible, my daughter would have been placed with them, or I would even agree to contact. But the state has forbidden any contact. My only concern is about how this affects my daughter. I have kept it together in front of her, but inside, I'm seething. How many times are they going to be allowed to negatively impact the life of this innocent little girl??
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how old is your daughter? does the family member realize who she is? i feel for you. as a foster parent that is often a fear of mine. has she approached you or your daughter? sorry if you don't want to answere all these question on the board, i am just trying to get a clear picture of what is going on. if you want to send a private message, feel free and i can let you know what i have done in the past. good luck to you and your daughter
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My daughter is two, and her sibling is 4. As far as I know, the bio family thinks my daughter lives in another city, and boy, do I want to keep it that way!!! I doubt that they saw her at the day care during their visit, because they toured another area of the facility, not where my daughter's class is housed.
I have kept my baby home for the last few days, so that one visit was the only chance they could have had to see her. I'm sure that they would recognize her on sight - she is very distinctive looking. I have already enrolled her in a new day care, so hopefully, that's the end of that. But the fear is still there.
When I enrolled my foster daughter in day care, the agency told me to go to the day care that her sister was in (they were 1 and 2 at the time). Granted, the sister was also in foster care with another family, but do you think that it is possible that the agency may have disclosed this to the family who has the sibling so that continued contact between the children could be maintained?
Also, I live in a very small town and have been a foster parent for four years. I have yet to run into any of my children's birthfamilies around town. Although, I have run into people who have recognized my daughter from churches and from seeing her on TV when the BF still had her. If I had to go to another grocery store, it would be a 2 hour round trip! I guess I just hope that when I do finally run into them (and sooner or later I will) that they will have the presence of mind to not speak!