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Well, it's now been 4 months since my 5 year old has been diagnosed with RAD and been going to therapy. She has made great strides in that time - she enjoys cuddling with me now and asks for it, we role-play tons of stuff like "being born" and pretending to be a baby and a toddler, she can express her feelings in words and thus circumvent bad behaviors.
On the other hand, she is still a big problem at school. Behavior is bad (hitting, pinching, controlling), she cannot stay on task (hypervigilance that the teacher sees as ADHD), and she throws tantrums still.
I really feel like I'm in a different reality. If I look at other kids her age, my daughter is a total mess. If I look at how she was 6 months ago, she's made a great effort. Day to day I have to set my brain as to how I'm going to think about her and how I'm going to love her. I can't even talk to other parents because now I look through everything through an "attachment grid." I overanalyze every move my 18 month old makes (also adopted) because I'm looking for attachment issues there too.
Anyone else feel like an alien? : )
Jane
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You bet!!!
I feel like an alien for somewhat different reasons. My daughter doesn't have RAD or any other "condition". She is just adopted. Still, being adopted just before she turned two, I analyze everything she does: is she acting out because of abandonment issues, because she misses her foster mom, because of the abuse she suffered, etc. Or is she just being a two year-old stinker?
Plus, I don't know anyone who has to drive across town to shop, and use a different name for their child in public because someone might try to snatch them. That's fun - it's like living in the witness protection program. My daughter's birth family is pissed about losing her, and I found out they live less than 2 miles from us - joy. So it's been an interesting time, to say the least, and I feel totally, 100% alone in it.
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I would greatly encourage you to visit the Attachment disordered support group message forum.
[url]http://www.syix.com/adsg/forums/adsg/disc1_frm.htm[/url]
There, you will find great support for parents of RAD children and other attachment disorders.....though RAD seems to be the 'major issue discussed'. It is a great source of support. It is a very active board and very, up-to date on information.
I have a RAD son that no longer lives with us. He must live in a residential facility due to his dangerous behaviors. The one thing we realized in dealing with him (still).......is that everything we ever considered 'normal' was no longer the rule.
In your case, your daughter was adopted at a much younger age; and this will GREATLY increase your chances of her healing and attaching to you. You have written of how much progress she has made in the last six months. I suggest you keep a journal (if you don't already), and by this, you will be able to see the progress by going back and reading pieces of it.
Raising a 'non-healing' or 'in the process of healing' RAD child is NOT easy. We found it to be the hardest thing we ever tried to do (and we didn't even know he had RAD until much later in his placement with us). Give yourself a pat on the back, for certain!
In the meantime, 'no'......your daughter is NOT going to do some things 'normally'......at least for awhile. It may help you to find a therapist-----just for you; or at least 'time' with the attachment therapist-----just for you. I cannot imagine having a RAD w/o the support of a 'personal' therapist as well.
Best of luck......
Sincerely,
Linny