Parents of transracially Adopted Children

The child in my home is biracial and dosen't have a problem with cultrual differences or anyother race issue. She is AA and Caucasian. The only problems we have incountered is the fact that I a Caucasian woman did not know how to fix her hair. I had to learn and teach her how to care for her hair. There were no problems with acceptance into a majoritily "white" family. My family has Native American and Caucasian as does my spouses. Elise is my hubbies step sister and there are several "mixed" children in his family. If you have any questions please feel free to pm me.

There is a great womens\moms group that is just for birth moms, adoptive moms, foster moms, grandmothers. Any women taking care of a biracial child is welcome to join this free forum!! [Edited To Remove the URL to a Members-Only Website.]

We are a transracial family our identical twins daughters' birthmom grew up on a small island in Micronesia. We have had our daughters since birth (I was in the labor and delivery room and took them home from the hospital two days later). While we see ourselves as a family, often times I feel that the world around us doesn't. The most difficult part we have is the invasion of our privacy on almost a daily bases. You would think people haven't seen twins, children with brown skin, or knew about adoption. The questions that are asked can be rather invasive. I struggle with answering them without being rude. I don't want my daughters to seem like they don't belong. At this time they are only 2 but soon they will be wondering why complete strangers come to dinner table at restaurants, talk to us in line at stores, and wander over at the playground to ask questions. If people don't stop and talk to us we observe people staring at us, and then can often times over hear them talking about us. We are asked: Are they twins? Where are they from? Did you adopted them? Are you the nanny? Are you the grandma, ETC..... The worst was in line at a grocery store when the cashier sayes loudly. Oh how awful... who could give up such beautfiul children. Or while vacationing in Washington DC for kicks my husband and I on our second to last day of visiting thought... let's count how many times people actually come up to us and ask about the girls. We left the hotel room at 9:00 and came back at 2:00. 12 people stopped us to ask questions. Our last day we stayed in the hotel. Finally... I love the gaggle of moms at the park who either designate someone to come over and ask me questions, or each wander over with a different question. Then go back and talk amoungts each other. It saddens me that after the questioning they disappear. Don't invite us to join their group to play. I LOVE my daughters dearly, but worry at times was it the best thing to adopt outside my race? Does our society accept familys that don't "match." I have found from many conversation this happens to all families formed through adoption or biological. People question you whether you are the parent. I could go on and on.... We keep thinking it will end at some point, but up to now 2 1/2 years later and not a week doesn't go by that I am not asked a question regarding my girls. Darene

Hi...I was saddened to read the above post and to realize how much ignorance is still out there. My husband and I just adopted a biracial girl who was placed with us through our state's foster care system, and since we got her as a baby and she is now just a little over 2, we have not yet experienced all the things the above poster has, but at least I now have an inkling of what I might have to deal with and more importantly what my daughter may have to deal with when she is a little older. When childrens services called us to ask if we were interested in fostering a 7 week old girl, we said YES!!!. Then to social worker said, well, there is one issue I have to tell you about that may present a problem for you. I started thinking that maybe the baby had severe medical problems, or something like that-and she said, the baby's father is Black. I said uh huh in a quesioning voice (still waiting to hear what the problem was) and she said, well are you still willing to foster her. I said yes of course. And then she said on your application you indicated you would like to adopt any foster children that are placed with you who become available-would this be true for her too, even though she is half Black? I couldnt believe that these questions were coming from a "professional." I said her race was not an issue at all and if she became free for adoption we would LOVE to adopt her. And later that day when they placed her in my arms all I saw was a perfect little baby, and my husband and I fell in love with her. But I guess some people who say they want to adopt "any" foster children who are placed with them balk if they are not totally of the same race that they are. It was never an issue to us. So far the only concern her being part AA is that I feel I am not taking care of her hair properly. She is cute as can be, but has such tight little curls I can barely get even a wide toothed comb through them and I worry how her hair is going to look as it grows. If any one out there has suggestions for how to properly care for her hair, I would appreciate it, either on the board or PM. I am "hair challenged" - I have enough trouble making my own hair look presentable, and I, as a proud mommy want my baby to look as pretty as possible:) Again though, what I started out saying, I never dreamed that there would be such problems, especially when dealing with other mothers who you would think would be old enough to not be so ignorant. I had only one isntance which occurred before she was legally adopted. One older woman came up to us in the grocery store and said "is that your baby?" I said yes. She said but isnt she black? I said yes. The woman looked at me, waiting for more of an explanation, which she didnt get. Then my very fairhaired husband came up to us, and totally confused the lady since he too offered no explanation. I would possible have offered to adoption/foster parent explanation if she wasnt just being a busybody, but I felt she deserved to be baffled since she made no secret of her disapproval of the fact that a white woman was pushing a shopping cart containing a brown baby. Laura

There are some great books on black hair care out there. You can also go to a black salon to get some tips. Or ask a black friend. I hope that you have some black friends or are developing some now that you are parenting an AA child. :) My son is full AA. I am a Latina (Cuban) who looks pretty caucasian. My DH is very white. I get questions when I am out alone with my son. I always answer them honestly and proudly. I want my son to know that I am proud to be his Mama and that I am completely comfortable with the fact that he is adopted. When we are out as a family we don't get a lot of questions because then it is pretty obvious that he is adopted. We do get asked where he is from. People assume that we adopted from Africa. We always answer that he is from the Republic of Oklahoma City, and that gets a laugh. We believe that it is best for our son that we not be uncomfortable with the questions so that he won't be made to feel uncomfortable. He is *always* going to be asked questions. We can't change that. We can try to help him with how he feels about himself.

I just wanted to point out that the OP posted this over 4 years ago and at that time was a senior working on this project. I imagine she's finished by now! ;)

Yes, but it's a good discussion. Perhaps a new thread could be started...