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Hi,
I'm an adoptive mom of a 7 month old (adopted at birth) and I'm 47 and my husband is 45. I have to say that I'm always tired yet I think we're both more emotionally and financially stable to care for a child. I raised two bio children (couldn't have more after that due to medical reason). I remarried years ago and we decided to adopt though we hesitated because of our age. Thank goodness I have a very supportive husband. What usually happens is I start my day around 5am with our baby and do all my chores and play with the baby and try and get additional exercise aside from my stairs every day. Then, my husband gets home and I go up and take a nap while he spends some quality time and feeds him dinner. I'm still going to bed early while my husband stays up with our baby until around 9 or so. It's really a challenge but well worth it. You also have to take into consideration that if you've been use to a lot of freedom, it will be gone the moment you adopt. You will have to schedule your time to allow yourself time away from the baby to do some things for yourself, and also a sitter so you can nurture your relationship with your spouse and keep it strong.
I weighed 37 pounds heavier before we adopted and thank God I took off the weight, I have a little more energy, and it's crucial you take really good care of yourself.
I don't think adopting over 40 is for everyone, especially if you really enjoy your freedom to come and go as you please. However, now that it's been 7 months, we've established a good routine which enables me to have some time to myself, my husband to have time to play basketball with his buddies, and time for the three of us to be together. It's worked out beautifully, and I do think I'm a much better parent this time around because I have life experience and a lot more patience to give to my child.
I also just became a grandmother - my daughter who is 24 had a baby girl, so it's strange to be a new mom and a new grandma at the same time! :) But I couldn't be happier, life is really much more wonderful now with our family growth!:D
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I'm so glad that you talked about being better to handle the responsibilities of parenting in your 40's. I am surprised at how much patience I have now compared to when I was in my 20s and 30s (I had VERY little!). I feel mature (finally) at 44 and s long as I take GOOD care of myself, I think I'll be ok. And yes, it does help to have a supportive husband or partner...and/or a loving care provider. Thanks for sharing your positive outlook!
L.
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One thing I didn't think about much before I adopted a toddler as a single (first-time) mom at the age of 47 is that I don't have many friends who are similarly situated. Most of my friends who have little kids are younger than me. Most of my contemporaries (age-wise) are either childless or have kids that are a lot older or even grown. A few of my friends have grandchildren that are closer to my daughter's age.
You'll make new friends in the process of adopting (actually, I think that's probably true whether you're adopting or having bio kids) since there are new kinds of activities you'll be wanting to do with your little one. Of course, you can (and should!) keep your old friends too, but they may not be as prominent in your life. For instance, I used to get together with a group of single friends (ages 35 to 60 roughly) to play cards, go out to dinner, etc., and many of them are going to the beach for a week over Labor Day & the days thereafter. None of them have kids. I decided not to try to go because I couldn't afford to fly there & a 6 or 7 hour drive with a toddler cooped up in a car seat sounds like one of Dante's circles of hell to me. Also, she'd need to go to sleep earlier, etc. than they will, and I don't want to cramp anybody's style.
I don't know why it didn't dawn on me, but it didn't. Makes it worthwhile to start figuring out who you'd like to get to know better who has little kids.
I do get tireder (more tired I guess is more correct) than I did while younger, but I think wisdom makes up for that. It makes it easier to not take it personally when she's acting like a 3 yr old than I would have been able to do in my 20's I think.
Hi! I am 40 and have an adopted 2 1/2 year old son (adopted at birth) and am in the process of adopting again! My situation is a little different in that I was 31 when I married for the first time and my husband is 5 year younger. We had fertility problems and miscarried 3 times in one year using clomid. We finally decided to adopt and I was 38 when our son was born! I feel like I am 30 and have a lot of energy and am in great health except for allergies. I feel emotionally and financially more prepared than I would have been if I had married sooner and had children younger. We have friends who have small children and most are in their mid to upper 30s, so we all waited to have kids. I know of three women who go to the same playgroup, who had their first biological child at 41, 42 and 45!! I think it is a lot more common than what is generally believed!
I'm thinking about starting a playgroup in my area (I live in Maryland) and I'm wondering how to go about it since I don't know too many people either (as you said, most of the mothers I know are a lot younger and women my age have kids that are older). I was thinking about starting a playgroup for women over 40 with young kids...do you think that that sounds TOO selective? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
L.
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About starting a playgroup for moms who were older when they adopted, I don't quite know myself how to go about finding those people. I've been keeping an eye out at church and I strike up conversations with moms at playgrounds. One of those moms is a good friend now, and I still have pretty good hopes of making friends with 2 more.
It's funny -- I used to think about how to make friends as a couple back when I had a significant other, and would run into situations where he had more in common with some people than I did & vice versa. Now it's that I find more in common with some of the moms but my little girl doesn't have that much in common with the other toddlers sometimes! It also really seems like as far as the kids playing together, there is SUCH a big difference in what kinds of play a 3 yr old engages in versus a just-about-to-turn-2 yr old, etc. And by the time kids are 4 they seem so much more verbal and complicated than my little girl who just turned 3. They play things like keepaway and hide & seek and tag, and my little girl hasn't exactly learned all that stuff yet. She just wants to run and climb up and slide down the ladders fast at the same time as other kids scrambling up to slide down.
I also find myself sort of censoring what songs I sing to her when I'm around younger moms & I've found that a lot of the songs that occur to me really date me as older.
Instead of over 40 --which might be a very small pool, maybe make it over 35? You'll still have something in common with the women and there are more moms in that age range.
Also, I know you adopted from Korea, is there a group of parents with children from Asia? Very often those parents are older, particularly since China has a minimum age.