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Hello group,
I am a 30 year old single and self-employed man in CO. I have no plans to get married anytime soon but have been thinking about adopting an older (5-9) year old boy for about two years. I have a masters in child psychology but am employed in the business world. My job pays extremely well and everything I own is paid for so I am certain that financially there won't be a problem. The larger my company gets the less I do because frankly I am tired of it and keep hiring people to do more of my job. This will facilitate a lot of time for my child if I do this. I am a very loving and emotional person, which is good and bad. I am frightened that all I could give a parentless child might be thwarted by his own emotional blocks which are understandable. It would just kill me to adopt and never be able to "connect" closely with my child. I volunteer a lot of time to Big Brothers and also have two godchildren whom I spend time with but this is different. Also, if I ever do meet the gal I would want to marry, I am concerned that my child would be an issue, and of course the child would win the battle of priorities. Also, I see a lot of photolistings that say "All two-parent families will be considered". Does this unequivocally mean that singles can't adopt that particular child? How tough is it for singles to adopt? When I was adopted at birth my new parents were married (still are) and they have said it was difficult. Any advice or input would really be appreciated - I really want to do this right if I do it.
Thank you!
Jeff N Colorado:)
jbintegra@msn.com
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I am always thrilled to hear single men interested in adoption. There are so many children out there that would benefit so much by someone like you. Don't let the "All two parent families will be considered" hinder your search. There are so many children out there and there really are a lot that can be adopted by single parents. If you are searching just in the state of Colorado, you might consider searching nationally. If you are already searching through the national listings, keep plugging away and "your son" will be found. It sounds like you are very well equipped to love and nurture a child in need. For me, bonding with my children hasn't been difficult, although sometimes I understand it can be. What I have seen with my children is that bond grows even stronger with time. I am a single mom who adopted two boys last year (5 & 6 at the time of adoption) and I am currently in the process of adopting my 13 year old foster son. And I have the same sentiment as you when that "right person" comes into my life......they will have to accept all or nothing. Good luck to you and continue following that dream of finding a son.
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Jeff,
You sound like you would be an ideal parent. I am still waiting for my homestudy to be done, so I know nothing from experience, but I've noticed that sibling groups that are listed in photolistings sometimes get split up anyway, so I'd think it would be worth asking the caseworker of any child you are interested in, regardless of whether the listing says 'two parent families'.
Like you, I worry that I'll get a child that won't be a good match and won't make an emotional connection. I only hope that if the child(ren) I get matched with isn't working out, that I'll recognize that quickly and disrupt. I met a woman at the Adoption Exchange party a week ago in Denver (did you go to that?) and she told me that one of the children she adopted had been very disliked by his foster mom and that it was mutual, but he worked out well in their family. So the 'chemistry' really can make a difference. One of the library books I read said that the visits before a child moves in to the new home are not just for the child to adapt, but also for the prospective parents to decide whether it is a good match. The book said the prospective parents shouldn't feel inhibited from backing out at that point, because it said the child is not bonded and it is much better to stop then than after the child moves in.
Hearing your post made me feel better
I am single and hope to adopt a child but most people think thats wrong. your post has been a great one Thank you.:)
Originally posted by ldavis1605
I am always thrilled to hear single men interested in adoption. There are so many children out there that would benefit so much by someone like you. Don't let the "All two parent families will be considered" hinder your search. There are so many children out there and there really are a lot that can be adopted by single parents. If you are searching just in the state of Colorado, you might consider searching nationally. If you are already searching through the national listings, keep plugging away and "your son" will be found. It sounds like you are very well equipped to love and nurture a child in need. For me, bonding with my children hasn't been difficult, although sometimes I understand it can be. What I have seen with my children is that bond grows even stronger with time. I am a single mom who adopted two boys last year (5 & 6 at the time of adoption) and I am currently in the process of adopting my 13 year old foster son. And I have the same sentiment as you when that "right person" comes into my life......they will have to accept all or nothing. Good luck to you and continue following that dream of finding a son.
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Hang in there- I adopted as a single parent. I have had my daughter for 2 years the first year was rough and we still have occassionally issues with attachment usually when she is mad at me and will hold it over my head for several days. Ask lots of questions about the child and if you are able to talk to the foster parents take the chance it will be worth your time. I found out more about my daughter from the few conversations with her foster family then any social worker ever told me. Good luck. Sue