adopted because of infertility?

I first want to say it wonderful th have people my age adopting. I am 21 and have been married 3 years. I too have a college degree but I just found out how bad I wanted to be a mommy. We are Christian. We tried for 6 months but nothing. I always knew I was going to adopt. I know that's what God wants. I always had baby dolls of different races and they were "adopted". I am soory to hear about your medical problems but adoption is wonderful. I truly belief God has put wonderful people on this earth to adopt. The question I have always asked myself is "Do I want to be pg or a mom?" Good luck

I am a birth mother and am 21 years old I placed my son through LDS Socail services 8 months ago. I placed for many diffrent reasons then most girls whom are younge and un able. I am 21 with a very stable life to welcome a baby in to my life but I could not give my son those eternal blessing the lord had instore for him. So i placed (to make a lon stoary short). it has been a very veyr hard long 8 months with my couple. But even though you can't become pregnant you can still have a family and be a mother how great is that. There is a great salution to infertility that is adoption. I am sure you will make a great adoptive mother soon. But my sugeastion for you is to make sure you have fully have overcome your infertility before you adopt or go in to it. because one thing my couple has had a hard time dealing with is that after they adoptded our son they had never delt with it and it hit them hard and has afected me badly because of it. you have to be ok with the fact that your child will have another family whom loves them and are very much apart of there life. So with that make sure you know exactly what kind of adoption you want and be very up front about it with your childrens 1st family. because those are things you want to be ready for before not after... good luck and if you would like to ask me more as a birth mother people feel free to leave me a not. good luck........ KZacharyC

You are not the only one adopting because of infertility. My husband and I are 27 and 26 We have been married for eight years and we tried to get pregnant for over five. So believe me i understand what you are going through. Our journey to pregnancy ended when at 24 I have to have a complete hysterectomy. We took time to heal. Have had one failed adoption and now are on the journey again. We have had our homestudy done and now are just waiting. So yes there are others that do this route. I mourned for the fact I could not have a child of my own and then it was I really didn't want to be pregnant I just wanted a family. Jody

I was married at 20 and decided to wait 2 yrs until we were more ready to parent, we tried to concieve for about 6 months and then my period never came for 2 months and I thought I was pregnant. I peed on LITERALLY dozens of tests for 3 months. I finally went to my gynecologist and she told me that I had poly cystic ovarian syndrome (never heard of it before) and that there was no known cause and no known cure. So then we went to a fertility specialist (fortunately covered by insurance) and she confirmed the diagnosis and said the best way to "snap" my body out of it was to get pregnant. And my husband may have some fertility issues as well. BUT we had just started our own business and we wanted that to get more stable, so I took the fertility drugs to induce ovulation and didn't really try to get PG. Then after 1 1/2 yrs of that, our business really took off and I quit my job to help and become a stay at home mom. As luck would have it, I became "regular" again and we started trying to get PG. Then Sept 11 happened and our business just dropped dramatically and I was starting to get anxious about getting PG, so I tried to get insurance again and found out that fertility is almost NEVER covered, and it was too late to get COBRA. And my period quit again. It has been off and on for the last 2 yrs and all the while I have been trying to get PG. To make matters worse, my mother told me when I got married that if I did anything to prevent having children, that I wouldn't be able to have any when I finally wanted them. That thought has always terrified me. Last November we went to the temple and prayed for appx 5 hours and when we left, we went straight to LDS Fam Svcs, "just to see" and picked up an application. I have been agonizing over the decision to adopt since I found out about my PCOS, but more so these last couple of months, and we finally decided that we should keep all avenues open and we subitted the application to start the process last wednesday. When I left it felt as if someone had just told me I was pregnant. It didn't feel quite right for so many years and I am glad that I waited. I am more secure emotionally, financially, and even spiritually. The funny thing is that when I met my husband 8 yrs ago, we discussed in length the option of adoption and agreed that we would both love that. When the reality sets in though it all felt very different. I have struggled mainly because ever since I was a teenager, I have felt that there were specific spirits assigned to come to my family, and adoption seemed more like I was just babysitting for 18 yrs. I have decided however, I may have agreed to fertility problems in the pre-existance and I may have known the birthmother there also, and there may have been prior arrangements. I am SO excited to meet the woman who will be the firstmother, I am sure we will be kindred spirits and although I am undecided at the level of openness I want, I definately want to get to know everything about that amazing person. I have also learned great lessons in faith and patience. And if we had gotten PG when I wanted too, it would have meant having a baby in the middle of some of the worst trials of my life, and we would not have been able to care for it financially without major aid. I guess Father really does know best, I my future is in his hands now. I enjoy all the posts on this board and It was the information learned on this board, from all the people ever involved in any aspect of adoption, that ultimately helped me decide to adopt. My friends kids always have said that I would make a great mom and thanks to the time spent researching and planning, I believe now I can be the kind of parent that I have always wanted to be.

I too was diagnoised with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrom) However mine went un treated. You see they found it when I was 14 and did nothing to help. There are meds to help control your periods and then to help you get pregnant. However mine situation had other complications. I also had endometrious and poloyps and fibroids. So it was just a mess inside. We are waiting for our family too. Jody in Florida

I wasn't sure whether I would post on this topic or not but here goes. These are my thoughts in no specific order. DH and I have always talked about adopting. However, I've found that wanting to adopt and having to adopt are very different psychologically. I know that no one has to adopt but I always thought if I adopted, it would be despite my fertility not because of my lack of it. One day at my daughter's gym class I looked at another mother and her two adorable kids who looked just like her and I was really sad. I am very blessed to have one "chip off the old block" but I never thought she would be the only "chip". In my-feel-sorry-for-myself state, I was upset that I was going to have this "funny" looking family that didn't look alike. Why me? Then I realized, I already have a "different" family. I'm raising my two stepdaughters. That definitely isn't part of the "model" family. I realized that the fact that I can raise them as my own is a testimony to the power of love. How much more so to bring a child born to parents you may never know into your family? Anyone can love their own child but to love another's and make them your own, that's beautiful. At least as beautiful as a bunch of little children who all look like each other and like you. I had another pity party when I realized that I once prayed for the faith and courage to accept all the spirits Heavenly Father saw fit to send our way. Before we married, we decide not to use artificial birth control. I was actually kind of relieved that I was getting a late start (already past 30 when I got married) and 4-5 kids was probably my max. I never thought I would need the faith for how few he might send us. This lead to the thought that if having children is a righteous desire, why is it so hard for some of us? I don't really have an answer to that. I think maybe some of us need the experience for our own growth; some just get the experience because it happens; and others are meant to add to their families through other avenues. I know if I hadn't experienced infertility, we wouldn't be pursuing adoption at this point. Maybe we are meant to adopt now rather than later as we had originally planned. I wouldn't be surprised at all if my fertility returns after we adopt. Stranger things have happened. I wanted to comment on the thought of "babysitting for 18 years". I don't think that is true and I'm sure you already thought of this but once the child is sealed to you, it doesn't matter how they came to your family they are yours for eternity. I dont think that infertility is the ғworst thing that can happen to a person. (Sometimes it seems that way.) I think, as with all things in life, itԒs what you make of it that matters most. Well, I guess that's everything (I can think of right now) that's been rolling around in my head for the past few months. Please take it for whatever its worth. Jeannine

Jeannie, Your comments were very well stated. I agree there is a big difference in Wanting to adopt and Having to adopt. I knew by what ever means, wether it be getting pregnant or adopting I wanted a family of at least one child. A child to love and nurture to kiss the boo boo's away. To hold when they needed held and sometimes just when I needed to hold them. To laugh at their silly comments to be there when they go off to school for the first time, why i bawl my eyes out. To be there when their friend hurts their feelings and for all the great stuff to come after. How they come to me is not up to me. I just pray that I do get the chance to be a mommy. I just thought i would throw that in. And as for children looking like their parents "chip off the ole block" My aunt is blonde hair blue eyes and my uncle is black hair brown eyes. they have two boys, biologically boys.......Carrot RED Hair and Green eyes............milkman nope long time ago on my uncle's side his great great great grandmother had Red hair and green eyes. So you can see when they go out in public they wonder about that one.......So it doesn't matter what your family looks like. But your adopted children will resemble you. In attitude, morals, charahcter and kindness. Just my thoughts Jody

My step (above) father adopted me when I was 12. he has been dad since I was 2. He is 6'6 and I am 5'1. He is cheap and so am I. He can get mad at a minutes notice me too. He is loving and warm and so am I. We like our eggs the same way. We laugh at the same jokes and even have the same come backs. We all look a like minus the height. My mom and bfather( nice way to put it) both have black hair and dark eyes. My mom can tan and well we joke that some how I got my dads Irish blood because leave him and me out in the sun and we look like lobsters. I am my dads child because in his heart i was made and that is the most important place a family can be created. It is because I am adopted that makes me want to adopt. I know a lot of people think I am crazy but I have never thought of being pg. To me adoption is more natural for me. My children I hope will be Asian. Dh is german/polish/dutch. I am an anglo-mutt. To me my family will look like the true american family.

I too have PCOS. If you haven't already, I urge you to get as much information about it as you can. PCOS can lead to heart disease, obesity, cancer, stroke, hair loss and many other problems. However, it is very treatable and with proper diet, exercise and even some meds most women are able to be very healthy and some even get pregnant. There is a PCOS LDS list on yahoo groups if you want more info and the PCOSA web site ([url]www.pcosupport.org[/url]) site has a lot of info including contacts for local chapters so you can talk to people in your area. Being part of our local support group has led to wonderful friends and so much healing! I always assumed I'd adopt a few kids because my family is part bio, part adopted. I had planned a huge family and had all kinds of indications that the Lord wanted me to raise a large family. I thought nothing of the fact that my periods became very irregular when I was 17, assumed it was normal. They had not evened out by 19 and my doctor at BYU sent me up to the U of U for some tests. No big deal, right? I was devastated to find out that I had PCOS and that it could mean serious problems with fertility. The doc told me I could just "come back when you are ready to get pregnant and we'll give you some Clomid to solve the problem." In my heart I knew it was not going to be that easy. I went back to my apartment and just sobbed for hours. All I had ever wanted was to be a mother, why me? Why this? On top of all the other trials I had at the time it was overwhelming, 12 years later it still hurts a lot! Twleve years later I am still trying to get my PCOS under control (only recently have I found good docs who understand how to treat it). I am single, so I haven't tried fertiltiy drugs, but I know I am still infertile since my periods have never evened out. Despite surgery and some drugs, I am most likely not ovulating at all. Two years ago, I realized that there are thousands of kids who need homes and I have one. They need love, and I have tons. They need to be raised to understand the gospel and I can do that. So I decided to adopt. It has been a challenge since so few of my LDS friends understand why I would do this. It is my understanding that we are to do all we can to help others and I see no better way to help a child than to take them out of foster care and give them the best life I can provide and a solid foundation in the gospel. I believe that any child raised in a stable and loving home and raised to know Christ will be better off than one raised in foster care. If I get married, great. I want my kids to have a dad so if that chance comes I'll take it. But I realized that I have what it takes to be a good parent and there are many kids who need good homes. I am so grateful for the Spirit and the confirmation I have received that I am doing His will, because it is tough to deal with some of the nasty but "well-meant" comments I get from people who don't understand special needs adoption or why a single person could be exactly what a homeless child needs. I believe that the Lord knows why each person is born in specific place and time. I don't understand the rough journey some kids need to make to get to their adoptive homes. I don't understand why so many adoptive parents need to go through so much difficulty to find the kids they are foreordained to raise. I don't understand why some people who will make great parents can't conceive and so many lousy parents get pregnant every day. But I do believe that the Lord has a plan for each of us. I believe that He knew that some of us needed to have empty arms so there would be a place for these kids who can't grow up with their birth families. I believe that we knew this plan once and agreed to it, so it must be a pretty good plan. I believe that there is a purpose in the struggle, in the trials, and in the placement of kids who need us as much as we want them. Our Heavenly Father is most of all a loving Father. He understand our pain in infertility and the loneliness of the search. He loves us and he loves these kids. For some of us, He needs to do a little extra work to prepare the ground (us) so that our transplanted seedlings can grow to be the strength of Zion.