Just need to ramble.......i am sad

Dearest Jody, Please know that there are people out here praying for you...praying that you will quickly find God's peace in the middle of this nightmare which you are living right now..... Please remember, that God can turn our tests that we go through in life into wonderful testimonies and I know that you will soon have your rainbow after your storm.... imagine the joy you will ultimately feel once your precious baby is finally placed in your arms....the emotions will be that much sweeter because of all you've gone through...hold onto this honey! There will be a happy ending for you....believe it!!!!! I can say this, because I too, right now, am experiencing much pain such as you....although we're just starting the adoption process, my pain is intense and at times tries to overwhelm me and control me....but my God is greater than any pain and anguish....and I know that, in time, with God's help and our willingness to serve Him, we will have our dreams come true.... While I've always wanted children and had everything all planned out in my head, the whole perfect scenario....life takes different turns...but I'm choosing to be strong (even though I don't necessarily feel strong) I'm choosing to believe I can be strong and will be strong to make it through this..... The cruelest part of our journey was basically the last straw which came last year.....my husband and I have been together almost 10 years and unfortunately went through many tough times, but, it has worked to our benefit, for now we savor the blessings that God gives us as opposed to just expecting them like people do and then they're not really grateful for them.... On Thanksgiving day, of all days, (which is usually a day of blessings and remembering our blessings) I was rushed into emergency surgery to stop an infection that was quickly killing me--peritonitis... unfortunately, because they waited too long to operate (11 days in the hospital before they did anything) the infection had shut down my kidneys and destroyed my female organs, and what was supposed to be a day of Thanksgiving and people celebrating with their families...turned into much sadness, for my doctor along with 2 other doctors had to come in and tell my husband that basically he would never be able to father a child with me.... The worst part was, he sat there, all by himself, all day, on Thanksgiving day, waiting for me to wake up, worrying how he was supposed to tell me I'd never be a mother.... The cruelest part yet was that the hospital actually put me in the same wing right next to other mothers who had just given birth who were there with their brand new, beautiful babies....talk about cruel....laying there, recovering not only from surgery, but from almost dying, seeing these new beautiful babies that I would never, ever have.... While the good news is, God spared my life, the reality is that I am left with much sadness and despair such as you.... But, with much prayer and counseling which we will be seeking, and meeting wonderful adoptive moms willing to share their hearts and stories, I feel as if this is God's plan for us to adopt....and I won't feel like I'm a failure in having to adopt....but welcome the opportunity with open, loving arms the chance to love a child, the perfect child, God has for us.... It's good for you to share your emotions and let them out...it's vital for our recoveries....take whatever time you need and do whatever you need to do to make it through this.... But always remember, you, me, all of us, WILL make it through this and will find joy and our rainbows very soon... Please feel free to email me anytime should you need a shoulder to lean on or a friend to listen to you. Best of God's blessings to you... Melody